No intimacy in relationship

Thank you.

I was a little gatvol and at the end of my rope and day at work. Venting on forums makes me warm and fuzzy :D
 
Update:

This has been helpful to read all the input. It has been a slippery slope since I first made the post, alot of pain and now healing...
After many wonderful years together, the financial / work stress took its toll. Shortly after first post, she was relocated to the Pta office or face retrenchment. She has taken on a lot more responsibility and has to travel all over the country for weeks on end...

The lack of communication from her side is the biggest dent from the beginning. She says she wasn't cheating, i can't prove or disprove. But i also don;t want to ask myself that. I played the most part in this relationship and I believe now that she grew comfortable with me. Even though there were great moments and times when I was pleasantly surprised, I don't believe she is able to love or in the same way I do.

Anyways, the time apart, I was able to focus on myself. But she kept contacting me. Even friends asked me about her as she still kept very in touch while away but not with the friends. She came back after a 3 week stint in Cape Town [remember, we still live together] and she was cold and clinical. For the first time she told me, she cannot be be with anyone because her work is her life and that cannot fail. From this is realise that she has more problems than i do, placing all your faith in a company who almost retrenched you over a relationship?

Im still in shock and we are trying to separate the finances and sell the house to move out. I wanted more in this relationship than she did, maybe i was just being used for comfort. I guess it was all a facade... still confused as to what is going on in her mind.

Can you still remain friends with someone after a breakup? Right now I can't see her, its heartbreaking, but in time I hope not to loose contact as we did share alot of common interests and fun times BEFORE we [correction: I] got heavily involved....
 
unsure said:
Can you still remain friends with someone after a breakup? Right now I can't see her, its heartbreaking, but in time I hope not to loose contact as we did share alot of common interests and fun times BEFORE we [correction: I] got heavily involved....
Click to expand...
No. Maybe in a couple of years. For now, clean-break time.
To quote Reddit;
Delete from Facebook, hit the gym and lawyer up(ie make sure the financial **** goes smoothly and fairly)!
 
If you don't have a child with her, cut all contact with her. No calling, sms, whatsapp, facebook, everything.
And yeah, go to the gym and get another exciting project to keep you occupied. Friendship after a breakup is a no no. Will you handle it if you see her with another man?
 
Its been hard to move on...
Mutual friends asked us out to dinner. Some of the conversation went towards relationships; she joked about who is doing who at the office and bluntly said she can't bother with relationships. The friends, a couple, and two other guys and a girl laughed and then looked at me.. stake in the heart! We have started the process of dividing the house contents but clearly still living together is a rough one. I feel no respect for her after she could openly mock a [our] relationship openly with friends and with me there and still joke about others at the office parties... who is this person? After all our time together I have never seen this side...
 
The sooner you move on the better. By the looks of things, it doesn't look like you have what it takes to move on.

You'll bump this thread again with the same story next month, two months, year, etc.
 
unsure said:
...openly mock a [our] relationship openly with friends and with me there and still joke about others at the office parties...
Click to expand...

Maybe she's just not that into you?

By staying with the someone who’s not that into you, you are ensuring that you’re never going to find someone that is. Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.
 
unsure said:
Its been hard to move on...
Mutual friends asked us out to dinner. Some of the conversation went towards relationships; she joked about who is doing who at the office and bluntly said she can't bother with relationships. The friends, a couple, and two other guys and a girl laughed and then looked at me.. stake in the heart! We have started the process of dividing the house contents but clearly still living together is a rough one. I feel no respect for her after she could openly mock a [our] relationship openly with friends and with me there and still joke about others at the office parties... who is this person? After all our time together I have never seen this side...
Click to expand...

Who knows what she is doing with her life.... Its harsh but you need to look after no1 and save your self from this train smash.
 
unsure said:
Its been hard to move on...
Mutual friends asked us out to dinner. Some of the conversation went towards relationships; she joked about who is doing who at the office and bluntly said she can't bother with relationships. The friends, a couple, and two other guys and a girl laughed and then looked at me.. stake in the heart! We have started the process of dividing the house contents but clearly still living together is a rough one. I feel no respect for her after she could openly mock a [our] relationship openly with friends and with me there and still joke about others at the office parties... who is this person? After all our time together I have never seen this side...
Click to expand...

Why would you go out with a her? Don't complain. You're torturing yourself.
 
unsure said:
I feel no respect for her after she could openly mock a [our] relationship openly with friends and with me there and still joke about others at the office parties... who is this person? After all our time together I have never seen this side...
Click to expand...

This is what you need to move on. You need the disrespect/hate. Makes it easier to move on if you're totally disappointed in someone.
 
@OP - Just try keep yourself busy, As hard as it may be do your best not to think about her. If you find yourself in a slump and you are just lying on your bed thinking about her, Come to this post and convince yourself that you have better things in life to look forward to and get out of that slump and keep yourself busy with hobbies? perhaps think about your business you just started and find ways to make money. With money you will find another girl out there that exceeds the good things about this girl.

I know what i said above is easy being behind a keyboard but honestly it helped me get through it when i was down in the dumps. Had a friend actually talk me out of my slump and he made a good point. Lying on your bed moping or being upset is just wasting time where you could actually be doing something useful. Go out with your buds and enjoy time with yourself!

Just keep positive and life will surely get better from here on out....
 
Seems like this bitch is determined to make you suffer and you're falling for it.Women love shooting their mouths off without thinking so dont read too much into the 'no more relationship' clause she has presented.

In no time shell be falling head over heels for some douche.

or should that be heels over head.
 
Sometimes a relationship just doesn't work out.

I don't think the woman involved is mean or anything, in fact I think it was rather nice of her to tell you up front her job is more important than you.

It hurts like hell, but she did the right thing.

Rather that than stick with her have a couple of kids and then she tells you, you aren't all that important to her in the scheme of things.
 
cjimme said:
Sometimes a relationship just doesn't work out.

I don't think the woman involved is mean or anything, in fact I think it was rather nice of her to tell you up front her job is more important than you.

It hurts like hell, but she did the right thing.

Rather that than stick with her have a couple of kids and then she tells you, you aren't all that important to her in the scheme of things.
Click to expand...

Thats mean.

Jobs can be replaced people can't.
 
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