No intimacy in relationship

Slootvreter said:
Once I had an 'affair' witha married woman, didn't know the husband, and I was single. I could not have given less of a f0ck. But that was 5 years ago. People change.
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Same but she was not married, it was just long term.

When I found out they were still together I was pretty pissed but still pursued her anyway.
What a dick move on my part.... no way I would get involved in a complicated situation like that again.
 
Slootvreter said:
Your logic astounds me. If your girl cheats on you with a friend, would you not blame him TOO much? By your logic, the girl must cover her wickets, but there's nothing wrong with a friend trying to get a little something something from her?
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Of course I would blame him if he knew that we were in a relationship. But I would blame him less than my GF. If he makes advances on her, it is her responsibility if she is in a relationship to say no and if he persists, then tell me and we can work it out. This works vice versa too.
 
Nerfherder said:
Same but she was not married, it was just long term.

When I found out they were still together I was pretty pissed but still pursued her anyway.
What a dick move on my part.... no way I would get involved in a complicated situation like that again.
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Yeah, the one I was involved with, also snagged another dude on the way and I told her, **** that, you ain't cheating on me (who you're cheating your husband with), with another dude. The logistics of maintaining such a complicated 'relationship' is pretty intense, and she was bound so slip up somewhere and we'd all be found out (not that I really cared). LOL, that's how I found out about this other guy, a simple SMS that was not meant for me, and clearly not her husband.
 
Pooky said:
Of course I would blame him if he knew that we were in a relationship. But I would blame him less than my GF. If he makes advances on her, it is her responsibility if she is in a relationship to say no and if he persists, then tell me and we can work it out. This works vice versa too.
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OK now I understand what you mean. But still, IMO, he is NOT less to blame.
 
Jeez guys, well look the situation was that he was my gym partner and he was always hanging out with us as he lived in the same complex as my ex and I.

It was a massive betrayal by both of them. I blame my ex obviously, she was talking about marriage etc with me. If that was true she should have been able to thwart advances of any guy, let alone one of my friends. I blame him too as it take two to tango.

Thing is its not like I was gonna beat her up. I was angry, in a rage. I had to direct it at something and the obvious direction was him. I didn't beat him with a bat. I messed his car up with a bat and beat him with my fists. Even angry I wouldn't hit someone with a bat. His parents wanted to charge me with assault and his medical bills and car damage, but he had the decency to refuse. He knew he got what he deserved.

I no longer speak to him or her what so ever, after that incident I cut them both out of my life.
She didn't speak to me for months after and now she tries to message me saying she made the biggest mistake of her life etc. That's her problem, and she never admitted it fully. She just didn't deny it. That was the worst part. She couldn't even be brave enough to take responsibility. She apologized but would never be fully open with me about it. If she had I might have been able to forgive her, as I did love her with all my being.

That was two years ago and it still tears me up. I get how people kill people that seduce their wives knowingly. I mean if he was a stranger and he hadn't known it wouldn't have been so bad. But it was an emotional betrayal.

This is a reason I distrust women, and I don't want OP to go through the same thing. I wish I could find a girl I'll trust fully again but I don't think its possible.
This may cloud my judgement in the advice I give, so I think its important that the op really must try one last time before breaking up. Also my advice is, make it a clean break up without the lingering contact as that just makes it more difficult. Break up and go out and socialize it will keep you busy and afford you other women to keep your mind off her.
 
Once people play the emotional game run as far as you can.
 
KaladinStormblessed said:
Jeez guys, well look the situation was that he was my gym partner and he was always hanging out with us as he lived in the same complex as my ex and I.

It was a massive betrayal by both of them. I blame my ex obviously, she was talking about marriage etc with me. If that was true she should have been able to thwart advances of any guy, let alone one of my friends. I blame him too as it take two to tango.

Thing is its not like I was gonna beat her up. I was angry, in a rage. I had to direct it at something and the obvious direction was him. I didn't beat him with a bat. I messed his car up with a bat and beat him with my fists. Even angry I wouldn't hit someone with a bat. His parents wanted to charge me with assault and his medical bills and car damage, but he had the decency to refuse. He knew he got what he deserved.

I no longer speak to him or her what so ever, after that incident I cut them both out of my life.
She didn't speak to me for months after and now she tries to message me saying she made the biggest mistake of her life etc. That's her problem, and she never admitted it fully. She just didn't deny it. That was the worst part. She couldn't even be brave enough to take responsibility. She apologized but would never be fully open with me about it. If she had I might have been able to forgive her, as I did love her with all my being.

That was two years ago and it still tears me up. I get how people kill people that seduce their wives knowingly. I mean if he was a stranger and he hadn't known it wouldn't have been so bad. But it was an emotional betrayal.

This is a reason I distrust women, and I don't want OP to go through the same thing. I wish I could find a girl I'll trust fully again but I don't think its possible.
This may cloud my judgement in the advice I give, so I think its important that the op really must try one last time before breaking up. Also my advice is, make it a clean break up without the lingering contact as that just makes it more difficult. Break up and go out and socialize it will keep you busy and afford you other women to keep your mind off her.
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Just imagine you had a child with her. You would be forced to see her since she might be staying with the kid. Yoh.
 
DrYes said:
I think it wasn't cool of you to beat your gym partner up over a slut.For all you know she instigated it and he just went along.
maybe your reaction proved to her that you were not the right guy after all so she wins.
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Don'tcha know? Women love a testosterone-fuelled nutjob.
 
unsure said:
Hi forum,

I'm a regular poster on these forums and so have created this new username to post a sensitive question.

I've been in this relationship for almost three years, living together now going on one year. I really love this girl and she seems to love me too. But I have to admit, there must be a problem, as here I am on a Friday night posting this on a forum for some opinions :(

When we first started going out we were both into each other, intimate and sexually. We were happy together. It has decreased over time but only from her side. I always like to hold her but she does not do the same for me. Sex is almost non-existent. Once every 4 - 6 weeks and that is after much convincing... I always seem to initiate or even have to ask directly. Things are stressful at work for both of us, but i'm happy-go-lucky and dont let work get in the way of my relationship. This is more than just simply sex, its also about being intimate: she does not respond but more importantly its always coming from my side. I try to discuss it with her but it is very tense and i get told that she is stressed at the moment and my timing is never great...? I have not cheated on her... yet. But i am feeling hurt, frustrated and that I am wasting time with someone who can't reciprocate the feelings or sexual needs.. It started off great in the beginning, sex-wise, I couldn't keep up with her libido but now its the total opposite. What happened to her being attracted to me? I love her and am trying to make this work but something has died in the last year. I'm 28 and she is 26. I am feeling I should end it, but how and after three years and sharing a house.... or take a break?...

anyone in or been in a similar situation?

sigh....
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Buy her the 50 shades of grey trilogy.
 
DrYes said:
I think it wasn't cool of you to beat your gym partner up over a slut.For all you know she instigated it and he just went along.
maybe your reaction proved to her that you were not the right guy after all so she wins.
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if you cheat there are 3 people in the relationship, the third person you're always avoiding and trying to hide something from. again this is a unique situation, it was his gf and not yours, it was his gym partner and not yours. we all have our problems and our own way of how we deal with them. there is no black and white way of dealing with this.

who is the real ******* in this relationship? we won't know, but i'd think if you are a gym partner and you see the guy often, and you can see that his relationship is falling apart and you're playing the guy, that must make you a pretty big *******
 
smalltownsky said:
if you cheat there are 3 people in the relationship, the third person you're always avoiding and trying to hide something from. again this is a unique situation, it was his gf and not yours, it was his gym partner and not yours. we all have our problems and our own way of how we deal with them. there is no black and white way of dealing with this.

who is the real ******* in this relationship? we won't know, but i'd think if you are a gym partner and you see the guy often, and you can see that his relationship is falling apart and you're playing the guy, that must make you a pretty big *******
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Since when is violence an acceptable solution?
 
Laugh your way to a better marriage - I consider thisas good as normal "stand-up comedy" but with a serious side..
and I also consider it as important for couples that's been together more than 6 months as I do for married people..

The guy does put a christian spin on things in the end, but 6 of the 8 hours is just a normal chat.

Watch this with her, you'll get why, promise :)
 
smalltownsky said:
if you cheat there are 3 people in the relationship, the third person you're always avoiding and trying to hide something from. again this is a unique situation, it was his gf and not yours, it was his gym partner and not yours. we all have our problems and our own way of how we deal with them. there is no black and white way of dealing with this.

who is the real ******* in this relationship? we won't know, but i'd think if you are a gym partner and you see the guy often, and you can see that his relationship is falling apart and you're playing the guy, that must make you a pretty big *******
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I don't for one minute dispute the pain that he felt and he had every right to be enraged but his response was totally uncalled for.
Imagine if this guy got beaten into a coma.What then?

Who becomes the victim?

2 years on you're still reeling.Its really time to move on bro.
 
Just a note. All relationships are cyclical, they have ups and downs. Ask any long married couple and they will confirm that. People used to stick out the bad times and make it work but these days its just too easy to step out the relationship in one of the troughs. In a good relationship despite the ups and downs the general trajectory is upwards. So my advice is to work on communication, be honest and open, etc. I don't advise taking the issue to parents/close friends as what happens is long after the two of you have worked it out they will still remember the issue and in the case or parents generally hold a grudge against the "in law" person in the relationship. Anonymous advice like this or better yet professional counseling can work and give you some perspective but generally it just requires patience and caring and most importantly good communication.

Some great advice a very wise person gave me just before I married (and she was a teacher of mine and my wife's and has been married 40+ years): People think that for a marriage to work both parties have to give 50%. I am telling you that can never work. Your view of the other persons 50% will always be skewed in your favor. She has no idea how your day at work went and you have no idea how much will power was required to get her through her day. Marriage requires 100%-100%. It only works if you are willing to be kind even when they are being nasty. Its in those moments that you grow love. Some days you will be the one giving the 100% and other days it may be her. That is how it works though. You need to be a little selfless sometimes. I cannot tell you much this advice has helped me in my marriage.

Also keep in mind that some people are sociopaths or at least have sociopathic tendencies and will ride a person taking this advice to the grave. Some relationships just need to be ended. Still, she does not sound like that kind of person. So perhaps try communication first. Another tip on communication. Avoid outright accusations like :You always do xyz. Instead try to phrase things using the words similar to "This made me feel ...". That leaves an opening for them to say "I did not realize how my actions where making you feel and I am sorry. I can work on that." Expressing your criticism (that is what it is after all) in a non confrontational way does wonders. No one likes to be criticized so I have found this sentence model helps a ton.
 
Blah Blah violence is bad bloo blah what a bunch of ****ING HOO HA.

I say good on ya for beating the ****e out of that bastard. If it was my girl I would have shot him.

People have become way to bloody sensitive. Someone crosses you, beat the **** out of him. What do all you hippies suggest he do? Use positive re-enforcement when the guy doesn't bone his girl? Since when do bad guys not get bliksemed?!?!??!?!
 
Ryanbighead said:
Blah Blah violence is bad bloo blah what a bunch of ****ING HOO HA.

I say good on ya for beating the ****e out of that bastard. If it was my girl I would have shot him.

People have become way to bloody sensitive. Someone crosses you, beat the **** out of him. What do all you hippies suggest he do? Use positive re-enforcement when the guy doesn't bone his girl? Since when do bad guys not get bliksemed?!?!??!?!
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Thanks man. I agree. People scream and cry because of a beating. Its not like I killed him. You know if you're being a p0es and you get klapped, you had it coming.
 
Ryanbighead said:
Blah Blah violence is bad bloo blah what a bunch of ****ING HOO HA.

I say good on ya for beating the ****e out of that bastard. If it was my girl I would have shot him.

People have become way to bloody sensitive. Someone crosses you, beat the **** out of him. What do all you hippies suggest he do? Use positive re-enforcement when the guy doesn't bone his girl? Since when do bad guys not get bliksemed?!?!??!?!
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Breath......

and that nic is so apt.
 
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