No intimacy in relationship

Nerfherder said:
Didn't he say he was a mate ? thats even worse imho
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Ja, I've got to admit, while I don't think you can really blame some random dude for having consensual sex with your SO, a mate schtupping your woman is begging for a kicking.
 
Nick333 said:
Ja, I've got to admit, while I don't think you can really blame some random dude for having consensual sex with your SO, a mate schtupping your woman is begging for a kicking.
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Nope, you should be grateful to your mate for helping you realise what a slut she is.
 
unsure said:
Hi forum,

I'm a regular poster on these forums and so have created this new username to post a sensitive question.

I've been in this relationship for almost three years, living together now going on one year. I really love this girl and she seems to love me too. But I have to admit, there must be a problem, as here I am on a Friday night posting this on a forum for some opinions :(

When we first started going out we were both into each other, intimate and sexually. We were happy together. It has decreased over time but only from her side. I always like to hold her but she does not do the same for me. Sex is almost non-existent. Once every 4 - 6 weeks and that is after much convincing... I always seem to initiate or even have to ask directly. Things are stressful at work for both of us, but i'm happy-go-lucky and dont let work get in the way of my relationship. This is more than just simply sex, its also about being intimate: she does not respond but more importantly its always coming from my side. I try to discuss it with her but it is very tense and i get told that she is stressed at the moment and my timing is never great...? I have not cheated on her... yet. But i am feeling hurt, frustrated and that I am wasting time with someone who can't reciprocate the feelings or sexual needs.. It started off great in the beginning, sex-wise, I couldn't keep up with her libido but now its the total opposite. What happened to her being attracted to me? I love her and am trying to make this work but something has died in the last year. I'm 28 and she is 26. I am feeling I should end it, but how and after three years and sharing a house.... or take a break?...

anyone in or been in a similar situation?

sigh....
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been there done that move on. We tried counselling, talking and fighting, after which it will improve for about a month then you will slide into the same routine.
It is one of the reasons my marriage just failed. I remember when I was young I had a girlfriend who's mother was very honest and open with us. She said the two main reasons for marriages failing are financial problems and been sexually incompatible. I love my wife still with all my heart and I hate what is happening but if we carry on I will probably end up having an affair because of or sexual incompatibly. Sucks but that's life.
 
Nerfherder said:
Didn't he say he was a mate ? thats even worse imho
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Yea ... same/worse, but certainly not less.

She may be the one perusing - but he's certainly not backing off. He's going purposely and maliciously behind your back and I'd be very tempted to do the same
 
Nick333 said:
Ja, I've got to admit, while I don't think you can really blame some random dude for having consensual sex with your SO, a mate schtupping your woman is begging for a kicking.
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abzo said:
Nope, you should be grateful to your mate for helping you realise what a slut she is.
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No you furk them both up ...and move on

friends dont bang another friends chick

if you did it you a big P*** ...cause no matter how hot or slutty that girl is ....you and that friend should know where there boundaries are
 
abzo said:
Nope, you should be grateful to your mate for helping you realise what a slut she is.
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It would be too much as though he'd stuck his crotch in my face.
 
abzo said:
sometimes we all need a crotch in our face to teach us a lesson :p
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:D I'd be grateful for the lesson, but part of that lesson is your mates a piece of ****.
 
Any update? If she still refuses to talk then u have a serious problem and also have you tried to make things more intimate? Candles or romantic dinner etc?
 
mooks said:
So, reading all 5pgs seems quite painful (especially when everyone is saying cheating, leave etc etc), but here's my contribution from the other side of the fence:

When I first started dating my SO we were on fire in the bedroom. Thing were awesome and I was head over heels over head in love with him, his body and our life. We moved in together and life was awesome. Then things got intense for me at work and I would come home absolutely wiped at the end of every day. Being so on edge made me mentally nitpick every single little fault of my SO. as a result sex and intimacy dropped to zero. Eventually it got to a point where weekends were spent with him in front of the Xbox in the lounge and me watching movies in the bedroom (European winters are not built for many outings outside the warmth of your flat). Things eventually culminated to a point where he felt so isolated that he cheated on me and I left him. The sad thing was that our lack of intimacy wasn't because of infidelity at the start but because of a lack of effective communication.

She might not be cheating, but that doesn't mean she isn't unhappy about/with something. DONT cheat on her. It's a heartbreaking thing to do. Talk to her, give it a chance, throw in a few gallant gestures (something out of character and classically cheesy romantic - girly surprises are always a win) and hope that she sees and feels your efforts.

If she still loves you, she'll warm up again.

Things can get better from here. They have for me and my ex ex (we got back together :p ), and I don't see why it can't for you guys.

Good luck!
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+1 - good advice above
 
I kissed a girl once and only later did I find out she had a bf,felt so fing bad
 
Pooky said:
WTF you crazy!

You beat up that guy but he is less to blame than your GF.
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He is not less to blame if he knew about the relationship, especially if it's his friend. And what would your reaction have been if he took a bat to his now-ex girlfriend?

Perhaps if they were all gay and his BF cheated on him with another dude, then they'd both get batted :p
 
Korn1 said:
I kissed a girl once and only later did I find out she had a bf,felt so fing bad
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Once I had an 'affair' witha married woman, didn't know the husband, and I was single. I could not have given less of a f0ck. But that was 5 years ago. People change.
 
Slootvreter said:
He is not less to blame if he knew about the relationship, especially if it's his friend. And what would your reaction have been if he took a bat to his now-ex girlfriend?

Perhaps if they were all gay and his BF cheated on him with another dude, then they'd both get batted :p
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IMO he is less to blame even if he knew. It is primarily her responsibility to ensure she doesn't cheat on her boyfriend. My reaction to if he beat up his ex girlfriend instead would be that I would be just as disgusted.
 
Korn1 said:
I kissed a girl once and only later did I find out she had a bf,felt so fing bad
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ay shame ...you learn my friend

nothing wrong with kissing someone who has a bf

but the problem is her crying after that ...oh im such an idiot and i cheated and bla bla

that deserves a smack
 
Pooky said:
IMO he is less to blame even if he knew. It is primarily her responsibility to ensure she doesn't cheat on her boyfriend. My reaction to if he beat up his ex girlfriend instead would be that I would be just as disgusted.
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Your logic astounds me. If your girl cheats on you with a friend, would you not blame him TOO much? By your logic, the girl must cover her wickets, but there's nothing wrong with a friend trying to get a little something something from her?
 
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