Now I know how that guy from cheaters feels.

Debbie said:
He's the lying cheater here, not you, don't forget that MOOey.

Don't feel bad about the situation he has created for himself. You are not responsible in any way.
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Thanks Debbie.:)
 
DJK said:
All the more reason NOT to get involved...



Maybe, but was he intentionally hiding it, and is it a transgression worthy of divorce? Methinks not. I suspect over-reaction or plenty more to this story...
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I agree. People get divorced too easily these days
 
Debbie said:
So you agree that in all likelihood he is cheating, but you think that it would be "more beneficial" (to whom?) to understand their reasoning at a later stage. Sorry but.. what exactly are you trying to say DJK?

PS Of course women cheat, almost as much as men (only marginally less I believe).
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You must have missed the part where I said that it is only beneficial (to both parties) to find out the reasoning after the reality has sunk in. If your spouse were cheating would you not want to know why?

I live by a few rules, and one of them is that I try to learn something about myself and others around me regardless of any situation, be it good or bad. I'd want to know if in some way, I could have done something to deter my partner from doing this, even if its just to take one positive thing moving forward - God forbid I did something wrong and made my partner stray...:rolleyes: It happens, regardless of how questionable it is to part blame on ones self for an act committed by another, but it is true - every action I make influences how my partner will react. Some turn to cheating which is wrong, I agree, others turn to various other vices. Knowing the reason why they do this is in my opinion, very beneficial - but that's just how my analytical mind works...

If at the end of the day the situation results in divorce, then why not find out the reasons? It might be a tough pill to swallow, but I'd take short term pain over long term doubt any day of the week.

But it appears this twit is a pathological liar according to m00ey, so in that case, she needs to move on and question how she landed up with this guy in the first place. And take something out of it. I'll equate this to parting ways in a business environment. Even if I fire an employee, I will question why I employed them in the first place, what I might have been able to do differently in hindsight to avoid the transgressions being made, and what I can do moving forward to prevent them from happening in the first place. The same principles work in life, even if it means me feeling partly to blame for a short period of time. I have a more positive demeanour though, and I will concede that many people struggle to do this...
 
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mOOey said:
It's pathological. He just phoned me to ask me to lie to her now. I'll just tell her to sort her own **** out and suggest therapy. I've done enough damage.

Lie, don't lie. Noodles, don't noodles. Either way, I'm screwed.:(
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You're not screwed. Most of us I think would have done what we could to help out a family member. Just remember one thing here - you are not the home-wrecker - he is! You merely caught him in the act of wrecking the home, and for this you should feel no shame or guilt at all!!!!
 
DJK said:
You must have missed the part where I said that it is only beneficial (to both parties) to find out the reasoning after the reality has sunk in. If your spouse were cheating would you not want to know why?

I live by a few rules, and one of them is that I try to learn something about myself and others around me regardless of any situation, be it good or bad. I'd want to know if in some way, I could have done something to deter my partner from doing this, even if its just to take one positive thing moving forward - God forbid I did something wrong and made my partner stray...:rolleyes: It happens, regardless of how questionable it is to part blame on ones self for an act committed by another, but it is true - every action I make influences how my partner will react. Some turn to cheating which is wrong, I agree, others turn to various other vices. Knowing the reason why they do this is in my opinion, very beneficial - but that's just how my analytical mind works...

If at the end of the day the situation results in divorce, then why not find out the reasons? It might be a tough pill to swallow, but I'd take short term pain over long term doubt any day of the week.

But it appears this twit is a pathological liar according to m00ey, so in that case, she needs to move on and question how she landed up with this guy in the first place. And take something out of it. I'll equate this to parting ways in a business environment. Even if I fire an employee, I will question why I employed them in the first place, what I might have been able to do differently in hindsight to avoid the transgressions being made, and what I can do moving forward to prevent them from happening in the first place. The same principles work in life, even if it means me feeling partly to blame for a short period of time. I have a more positive demeanour though, and I will concede that many people struggle to do this...
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very well said!
 
mOOey said:
Focus people. The pics were just a side-note. Get over the pics already. They're gone.
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1st of all how can nude pics ever be just a side-note in a thread? Why would you even mention them if you dont intend to share? Thats just cruel :(

2nd of all its the only reason i'm following this thread in the first place!

and 3rd of all What kind of man are you to delete nude pics of some other person you know other than your wife... you make me sick!!:sick:
 
mOOey said:
The story so far:
Sis-in-law suspects hubby of infidelity. Asks me to snoop around to find out. I send phone records and all his current emails. Raid his phone and it's all fun and games (got nudie pics he took of her. Told her. Says I can keep it. My wife says delete it. Oh well. Bitch.) until she recognised his ex in some of the emails :eek: and it was all downhill from there. They're getting a divorce...so far. Hope they can work it out, but I feel like shyte for getting involved. Should I?:(
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You probably know that your wife checks up on u 2.
Do u think she asked him to snoop on u?
 
alf101 said:
You probably know that your wife checks up on u 2.
Do u think she asked him to snoop on u?
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I know she does, but I have nothing to hide, so I don't care. She'll eventually get bored.
 
Vegeta said:
1st of all how can nude pics ever be just a side-note in a thread? Why would you even mention them if you dont intend to share? Thats just cruel :(

2nd of all its the only reason i'm following this thread in the first place!

and 3rd of all What kind of man are you to delete nude pics of some other person you know other than your wife... you make me sick!!:sick:
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I agree with everything you said above...especially point 3. Sad, I know, but the pics were deleted before I found them.;)
 
DJK said:
I'd want to know if in some way, I could have done something to deter my partner from doing this, even if its just to take one positive thing moving forward - God forbid I did something wrong and made my partner stray...:rolleyes: It happens, regardless of how questionable it is to part blame on ones self for an act committed by another, but it is true - every action I make influences how my partner will react. Some turn to cheating which is wrong, I agree, others turn to various other vices. Knowing the reason why they do this is in my opinion, very beneficial - but that's just how my analytical mind works......
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You seem to only have a limited understanding of this and at times, you come close to the truth, only to veer away from it again ...

NEVER EVER EVER is one person responsible for another cheating on them. If A does something in a relationship that B does not like/approve of, it is ALWAYS the wrong solution to turn AWAY from the relationship to a 3rd person. Rather discuss it, get professional help or, if it is a dealbreaker, end the relationship, but cheating while in a relationship is contamination of that relationship and can never end well.

And blaming someone else for cheating is immature and shows a lack of commitment.
 
blunomore said:
You seem to only have a limited understanding of this and at times, you come close to the truth, only to veer away from it again ...

NEVER EVER EVER is one person responsible for another cheating on them. If A does something in a relationship that B does not like/approve of, it is ALWAYS the wrong solution to turn AWAY from the relationship to a 3rd person. Rather discuss it, get professional help or, if it is a dealbreaker, end the relationship, but cheating while in a relationship is contamination of that relationship and can never end well.

And blaming someone else for cheating is immature and shows a lack of commitment.
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Oh dear - you completely missed the point I was making. :rolleyes: I hope others got it.

Learn, don't blame then - wrong verb - apologies if it had you so confused...
 
DJK said:
Oh dear - you completely missed the point I was making. :rolleyes: I hope others got it.

Learn, don't blame then - wrong verb - apologies if it had you so confused...
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No, I got it. You said something akin to 'examine yourself' and see what role you could have played.

I say, true, we all have faults, but it is never a reason for a life partner to turn away from you to a 3rd person.
 
Without trust in a relationship, you might just as well give it up. Once that is lost, there will always be suspicion between two people.
 
blunomore said:
No, I got it. You said something akin to 'examine yourself' and see what role you could have played.

I say, true, we all have faults, but it is never a reason for a life partner to turn away from you to a 3rd person.
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Our faults are exactly what will make people love us or hate us. It is what makes every single one of us unique. It therefore stands to reason that it is these very faults that could lead someone to stray. I am not condoning it at all as I have already stated, however it is the way that some people react, regardless of how deplorable you think it to be.

I believe that any action in a relationship is a two way street and is as a result of both parties' action or lack thereof at times. It might just be that the offending party is an absolute twat, in which case I refer back to my previous post about learning to avoid those relationships moving forward. However if he/she is not an absolute twat, then there must be something more to it that one can take from the situation and learn from - that is the point I am trying (in vain) to get across.

Neither party is solely to blame, however the offender most certainly takes the majority of it. But likewise, neither party is blame-free in my opinion unless the transgressor is just a twat, or immature or whatever descriptive adjective tickles your fancy...
 
DJK said:
Our faults are exactly what will make people love us or hate us. It is what makes every single one of us unique. It therefore stands to reason that it is these very faults that could lead someone to stray. I am not condoning it at all as I have already stated, however it is the way that some people react, regardless of how deplorable you think it to be.

I believe that any action in a relationship is a two way street and is as a result of both parties' action or lack thereof at times. It might just be that the offending party is an absolute twat, in which case I refer back to my previous post about learning to avoid those relationships moving forward. However if he/she is not an absolute twat, then there must be something more to it that one can take from the situation and learn from - that is the point I am trying (in vain) to get across.

Neither party is solely to blame, however the offender most certainly takes the majority of it. But likewise, neither party is blame-free in my opinion unless the transgressor is just a twat, or immature or whatever descriptive adjective tickles your fancy...
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Naah, we probably see eye to eye.

1. I agree peeps should know their shortcomings and work on it, if at all possible.

2. If their shortcomings constitute dealbreakers (abuse, alcoholism, gambling, whatever), the other person, in my eyes, should not live in hell and are free to leave the relationship. NOT to cheat, but to leave.

3. If the shortcomings are not that serious, it still does not constitute a reason to cheat. HOWEVER, the person in question should examine how their shortcomings comtaminate the relationship.
 
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blunomore said:
Naah, we probably see eye to eye.

1. I agree peeps should know their shortcomings and work on it, if at all possible.

2. If their shortcomings constitute dealbreakers (abuse, alcoholism, gambling, whatever), the other person, in my eyes, should not live in hell and are free to leave the relationship. NOT to cheat, but to leave.
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Agreed.

blunomore said:
3. If the shortcomings are not that serious, it still does not constitute a reason to cheat. HOWEVER, the person in question should examine how their shortcomings comtaminate the relationship.
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Or in this case, possible contaminated...
 
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