open relationships?

Blu, I've answered that question twice. You just didn't like the answer.

You seem to think that laundry, a room mate and exclusive sex are the only components of a relationship which is pretty sad.
 
Kilgore_Trout_Redux said:
But wanting an open relationship is not a flaw or weakness. It is merely different to what you believe, blu.

That's my main objection to the anti-open relationship crowd in this thread. They seem unable to grasp the fsct that an open relationship is a perfectly healthy state for a lot of people if they are honedt with themselves. There is nothing immoral, dirty, weak or wrong with it if both partners are honest with each other.
Click to expand...

....but you cannot blame them, their ability to think freely has been diminished by society pushing values on them that they have accepted as being the norm. It is for this reason that they cannot accept polygamy, as practised by certain people, because it does not match their narrow criteria of what is acceptable. Anyone who does not do as they do is considered weak and flawed.
 
blunomore said:
No-one has yet answered me satisfactorily as to , if you want multiple partners, why you bother going around telling people you are in a RELATIONSHIP ? What does that relationship entail ?
Click to expand...

Why do you feel the need for a specific definition? It should be apparent to anyone looking in from the outside that the people I know are involved in a "relationship" with each other. Society is filled with people that need to be able to properly define something and put it in neat little boxes. Not being able to do this seems to disturb them. As long as the two people concerned are happy about the fact that they are in a relationship, even if it does not meet your definition, then why should it bother you?
 
For once LancelotSA, I agree with you. Now I feel dirty and ashamed. Can we make a deal never to let this happen again?
 
But to try to explain to Blu again. All the benefits of a relationship that aren't having sex with the same person - That's what people in open relationships get plus the knowledge that their partners are being 100% honest re. their extra-mural activities.
 
Kilgore_Trout_Redux said:
Blu, I've answered that question twice. You just didn't like the answer.

You seem to think that laundry, a room mate and exclusive sex are the only components of a relationship which is pretty sad.
Click to expand...

No, I do not. It entails more. Please do not try and assume what I am thinking.

LancelotSA said:
....but you cannot blame them, their ability to think freely has been diminished by society pushing values on them that they have accepted as being the norm. It is for this reason that they cannot accept polygamy, as practised by certain people, because it does not match their narrow criteria of what is acceptable. Anyone who does not do as they do is considered weak and flawed.
Click to expand...

Gotta love Lance. He is now pretending to be oh-so-liberal and anyone who does not practice polygamy or open relationships, are old-fashioned and narrow-minded.

Surely it is my choice to accept the norms that I feel comfortable with and the ones I do not, I can reject ? You're claiming it for yourself, so you have to grant it to others. Or are you as narrow-minded as you accuse others of being ?

You should have stayed in Current Affairs. You upset enought peeps there ;)
ponder said:
Sex.
Click to expand...

That does not make for a relationship. You can buy it on any corner.
 
Blunomore.
Your incomprehension is merely a symptom of your ignorance.
Ignorance can be fixed.

I am in a relationship for 12 years of which it has been consenting aka open for the last 7 or 8 years of that.
The extramural activities that take place are purely sexual. There are no emotional connection to the other person.

The reasons why most of these do not work is the lack of communication. Communication is first and foremost the priority.
The other reason is the lack of rules.
There has to be rules to the...errr...engagements...always safe, always know what is expected, always know where it is taking place and always who it is taking place with.

We always have consent from each other before anything is arranged.
 
No, I do not. It entails more. Please do not try and assume what I am thinking.
Click to expand...

Then why say that those are the only benefits to an open relationship? Sleeping witg other people doesn't magically take away all the other benefits of an open relationship.
 
Kage said:
Blunomore.
Your incomprehension is merely a symptom of your ignorance.
Ignorance can be fixed.

I am in a relationship for 12 years of which it has been consenting aka open for the last 7 or 8 years of that.
The extramural activities that take place are purely sexual. There are no emotional connection to the other person.

The reasons why most of these do not work is the lack of communication. Communication is first and foremost the priority.
The other reason is the lack of rules.
There has to be rules to the...errr...engagements...always safe, always know what is expected, always know where it is taking place and always who it is taking place with.

We always have consent from each other before anything is arranged.
Click to expand...

Ignorance about what ? Your weakness in failing to commit to one person?
 
blunomore said:
Gotta love Lance. He is now pretending to be oh-so-liberal and anyone who does not practice polygamy or open relationships, are old-fashioned and narrow-minded.
Click to expand...

I fail to see where the "now pretending" comes in to it.... feel free to search the forum for the views I have expressed before relating to polygamy etc. The views being expressed by you are old fashioned and narrow minded.

Surely it is my choice to accept the norms that I feel comfortable with and the ones I do not, I can reject ? You're claiming it for yourself, so you have to grant it to others. Or are you as narrow-minded as you accuse others of being ?
Click to expand...

I am not condemning anyone in a monogamous relationship. Yes, I did express an opinion that usually those who cannot see themselves partaking in a more liberal lifestyle probably do so because of concerns about jealousy and insecurity, which I feel is perfectly valid. You on the other hand referred to those partaking in "open relationships" as being weak and flawed.
 
blunomore said:
Ignorance about what ? Your weakness to commit to one person?
Click to expand...

Ah....so you are not actually here to learn anything. *tsk tsk*
You are just here to flaunt your bigotry and overinflated opinion of righteousness.
Silly, silly little girl.
 
blunomore said:
No-one has yet answered me satisfactorily as to , if you want multiple partners, why you bother going around telling people you are in a RELATIONSHIP ? What does that relationship entail ?
Click to expand...

Haven't read the thread, but having been in one myself before, the difference is that a relationship involves sharing personal, emotional and psychological things with someone else. The other person/people is/are just all about the physical...;)

Personally, I didn't enjoy it. Having tried it, I can safely say that I'd much prefer to have a "closed" relationship, for lack of a better term...
 
LancelotSA said:
I would rather be in an honest "open" relationship rather than a dishonest, deceitful "closed" relationship any day of the week...

Most people claim they could never be in an open relationship because they love their partner too much, I tend to think it is driven more by jealousy and fear.
Click to expand...

Agreed. I don't believe that humans are naturally monogamous. What generally keeps us faithful and makes us expect faithfullness is, as you say, jealousy and fear. I have a lot of respect for people who can overcome their jealousy and allow their partners be with other people. There's a good chance it'll happen anyway; may as well be open and honest about it. Obviously its more difficult than it sounds but thats our failing. Monogamy is people giving into and justifying their basest of emotions.
 
What - apart from sex with anyone you like - are the benefits ????
Click to expand...

That is one huge benefit to some people right there...

Honesty to yourselves and partners is another side effect.
 
LancelotSA said:
The views being expressed by you are old fashioned and narrow minded.

I am not condemning anyone in a monogamous relationship. Yes, I did express an opinion that usually those who cannot see themselves partaking in a more liberal lifestyle probably do so because of concerns about jealousy and insecurity, which I feel is perfectly valid. You on the other hand referred to those partaking in "open relationships" as being weak and flawed.
Click to expand...

So you think I am old-fashioned .... yet you're not condemning me. Just insulting me then? :)

And yes, I think someone who goes around being in a RELATIONSHIP and then sleeping around because they are a) not willing to work on their existing relationship to get what they need and b) too comfortable or too scared to leave the relationship, is weak.
 
I personally would never be able to be in a open relationship. I am too old fashioned for it i think...and yes...i will get jealous. If I am not enough for that person but he is for me, then what is the point? I would not want someone to be with me half heartedly. You either commit to me 100% or not at all. When I love someone, the though of them with someone else sexually would devastate me. So open relationships for me is a no go.

BUT, that is how I feel about it. For Kage and his partner it has obviously worked out very well and no one is getting hurt. As long as BOTH partners are happy, then live and let live I say.

OC...over and out.
Hugs to all :-)
 
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