open relationships?

blunomore said:
Weak effort. Must be the midday hunger pangs getting to you.

I gotta leave this thread since you boys are turning nasty. Gotta love it - 4 men turning against one female poster. They always say men are braver in packs.

Ciao ;)
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Riiiight, so where does gender come into this? Sexist much?

Oh pity me, I r poor defenseless wimminz who can't stand up for myself. Where oh where is a man to fight my battles for me :cry:
 
Nobody's turning on you, or "pack-hunting" you, I can assure you. We're disagreeing with you. If we all disgreed about turnip soup, would you be ducking off with your tail between your legs like you're doing now? Unlikely. You simply cannot back up your point of view. You asked if I know any couples in a successful open relationship - I replied that I do. Now apparently it's end of story for you? I take it this means you're walking away a little more informed and open about these things? IOW less judgemental?

Or are you merely leaving because the big bad wolfpack on the internet is making you grumpy-face? Ah shame...
 
Kage said:
Blunomore.
Your incomprehension is merely a symptom of your ignorance.
Ignorance can be fixed.

I am in a relationship for 12 years of which it has been consenting aka open for the last 7 or 8 years of that.
The extramural activities that take place are purely sexual. There are no emotional connection to the other person.

The reasons why most of these do not work is the lack of communication. Communication is first and foremost the priority.
The other reason is the lack of rules.
There has to be rules to the...errr...engagements...always safe, always know what is expected, always know where it is taking place and always who it is taking place with.

We always have consent from each other before anything is arranged.
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Kage, very interesting, do you care elaborating a bit on the "rules"?
Do you ever have the same extramural partners, in other words having sex with the same extramural person on a regular basis? If so, how can you be sure the activities are only sexual and do not become emotional over time? Other than just trusting what your partner tells you? Surely in this case there develops a level of acquaintance over time that eventually becomes a form of friendship.
So you say you know exactly who that other person is and where? Do you ever meet your partner's sex buddy?
When do you consent and when not? On which basis do you give permission and when will you say no?

A lot of questions yes, but I find it interesting and would like to know how it works.
 
SlinkyMike, mature discussion is a bit difficult when people call those on the other side of the fence "immature" and "weak".
 
SlinkyMike said:
So it's just 10 pages of Calvinistic circle-jerking then?

Anyone actually expressed carefully considered adult POV on the subject? I only got to abut page 5 before rolling my eyes and giving up.
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Depends on what you consider a carefully considered "adult" point of view. Many have already stated that it is up to each relationship to decide what best works for them. Others have insisted that a relationship which isn't sexually exclusive is flawed, inferior, etc to a sexually exclusive one because if that's the case, then you're not actually "committed" to each other.

Factors such as how freedom to fulfil certain desires actually benefits a long-term committed relationship and keeps a healthy spark going were conveniently neglected in favour of the concept that two people in a committed relationship should stay committed to each other no matter how sexually, emotionally or otherwise bitter they become.
 
SlinkyMike said:
So it's just 10 pages of Calvinistic circle-jerking then?

Anyone actually expressed carefully considered adult POV on the subject? I only got to abut page 5 before rolling my eyes and giving up.
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We actually have.
I have made it quite clear from my point of view of being in a "controlled open relationship" what the situation is.
Unfortunately my patience ran out when she made it blatantly clear that she does not actually want an adult discussion but merely a platform for her own over inflated self-righteous opinion.
 
I'm curious to know if any of the ladies on MyBB are not morally or ethically opposed to open relationships in principle.
 
I must just be a lot more liberal than most people..... well not most, but a lot.

I have never understood why you can't just have a bunch of mates and if the desire to have sex with one hit you, then you have sex, and then carry on. If I had a coffee with them it would be acceptable. If I played tennis with them it would be acceptable. People just seem to attach way to much weight to the sexual act. Have you watched "When Harry met Sally"? The sexual tension is always there anyway!

It always reminds me, and yes this will sound insulting to those who hear it that way, of a little nerdy boy who has a girl grab his hand to hold and then in his head they are all of a sudden in a serious relationship and they are going to live together for ever and ever. It is just sex for goodness sake! As pointed out by Blu you can pay to have sex with someone and for both parties it is purely a sexual release. No love, no commitment, no relationship. Why does it therefore seem so unrealistic to some people that someone in a relationship can have sex with other people without falling out of love with their partner and in love with the other person?
 
Kilgore_Trout_Redux said:
I'm curious to know if any of the ladies on MyBB are not morally or ethically opposed to open relationships in principle.
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My guess is: few and far between mate. This is SA. The girls are pretty but boring as hell.

My first visit to Brazil was a freaking eye opener OF NOTE! If there is an opening and you have a stiff proposition - she'll give you the eyes and it is on! ...just like that, I was shocked ...and in awe. You can literally see people hooking up left and right, just follow the eyes!

Also: they tend not to hear wedding bells the moment anything physical happens, it is a generally easy going sex-positive environment and people seem happy from what I can tell.
 
Stefanmuller said:
Kage, very interesting, do you care elaborating a bit on the "rules"?
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The rules are succinct.
Who, where, and what?
Always safe sex.
No drugs.
Don't do anything you won't do with your partner.

Do you ever have the same extramural partners, in other words having sex with the same extramural person on a regular basis?
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We rarely have the same buddies. Too varying of physical preference.

If so, how can you be sure the activities are only sexual and do not become emotional over time?
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The rules are made clear from the outset with the buddy that this is purely no strings attached.
You very quickly know when the other party decides that nsa is not enough.
The tone/words and inflections changes. The attitude towards you changes. Content of messages changes.
That is when you need to make it clear that, it seems to not be working and that it was great while it lasted but kthanxbi.
It has happened a couple of times with me where the other party wanted more than what I was willing to give.

Other than just trusting what your partner tells you?
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Communication. If there is open communication there is trust.

Surely in this case there develops a level of acquaintance over time that eventually becomes a form of friendship.
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Simple rule with this one.
Don't fukk friends. You can be fukkbuddies but never fukk friends.

So you say you know exactly who that other person is and where? Do you ever meet your partner's sex buddy?
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Yes, I have met a few and he one or two of mine.

When do you consent and when not? On which basis do you give permission and when will you say no?
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It is normally consented to, unless there is an immediate dislike or distrust that the plaything might have ulterior motives in mind. In the handful of cases where we siad no, we both turned out to be right.

A lot of questions yes, but I find it interesting and would like to know how it works.
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Not a problem. I don't mind...much. :D
 
Kage, do you tell your hookups about your arrangement and the rules prior to the first time? The couple I know insist on the other party knowing the arrangement full well and on the odd ocassion insist on meeting meeting them...
 
Kage said:
Don't do anything you won't do with your partner.
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Um.... sometimes this is a necessity.... you may have a partner who really does not enjoy doing a certain act, that you really enjoy. The benefit of an open relationship is that you can both win if you find someone who does enjoy it. You get what you want to try and your partner does not have to suffer through it ;)

Or in the case of bisexuals, your partner physically not be able to give you what you want! :D
 
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