open relationships?

scarlett said:
That might be true, but the real dealbreaker for me would be ..why he would feel the need to sleep with someone else.
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With all due respect are you really that naive? Surely you do not believe that saying that once you have seen one, you have seen them all? Why do people cheat? They can get sex at home, so why do they bother running off and having an affair with someone else? Variety is the spice of life, that's why. The grass always looks greener on the other side, but we all know when you get there the grass usually is much the same as the grass over here. So why not get to hop over the fence and sample that grass every so often before hopping back over to your side of the fence. (Sorry way to many analogies there :) )

You asking why have sex with someone else again raises the issue of your insecurities, which as we talk more and more definitely seems to be the reason you are so anti this, as you seem to be questioning whether sex with you is not good enough when you ask this question. Why have sex with someone else when you can have sex with me? Am I not good enough? Definite insecurity there.
 
ChilliGirl said:
hmmm, lets just say that my man & I have been invited to one of those clubs by friends we recently found out attend those(about a year after i saw that doccie). & I will not even those he asked me a few times. I don't care if people call me jealous or selfish but I will not have more than one partner. Not even as a one night stand.

It's a personal thing I suppose. Each make their own choices. We are still friends with the mentioned friends.
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Now what if your man actually has an inkling to dally elsewhere? You have been adamant that you will not go to those clubs. His curiosity has been piqued but he will obviously agree that it is not right because he knows how you feel. What are the chances that he sneaks off and gets his jollies elsewhere without you?

Use of the word selfish creates the sense that you feel you own your man. My view is always that they are their own person. I do not have ownership of my partner.
 
scarlett said:
So basically.. he wants to have it all....
This has been an eye opener for me, but i still dont find the idea of an open relationship attractive to me and if my boyfriend wanted to "explore other connections" or wanted to have some crazy sexual desire fulfilled and needed to find someone else to do it with... i think id be far happier alone.
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Again very interesting....... so you apparently really love this person but you'd rather be without them than allow them to explore sexual avenues that interest them? Are you sure you REALLY REALLY love the person then?

Also you again raise the insecurity issue - "needed to find someone else to do it with". What you fail to realise is that some desires cannot be fulfilled with one partner alone.........

Geriatrix said:
Nah, wouldn't be for me.
If you want to sleep around then sleep around. Get **** buddies. Why complicate it with pretending to be in a relationship as well? What whould be the point of the relationship anyway? Just get a room mate instead.
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There is a difference between love and lust...
 
Different strokes for different folks. Some people can separate sex and love, and so they can manage an open relationship. For other's sex and love go hand in hand.

But tbh, I think more women would be open to the idea if it wasn't so easy to be branded as "easy" or a "slut". If we applied to the same rules to women who sleep around, as men who do, I actually think we'd all be a lot happier.
 
scarlett said:
i think id be far happier alone.
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You think you might be now but what about a few months later? You'll start feeling lonely.

You start a thread here on myBB complaining about being all alone and yada yada yada!

All the advice you've given so far is nothing but bull****!

Heard it all before, blah! blah! blah!

You should go blog for some women's magazine! Maybe Huis Genoot!
 
LancelotSA said:
Now what if your man actually has an inkling to dally elsewhere? You have been adamant that you will not go to those clubs. His curiosity has been piqued but he will obviously agree that it is not right because he knows how you feel. What are the chances that he sneaks off and gets his jollies elsewhere without you?

Use of the word selfish creates the sense that you feel you own your man. My view is always that they are their own person. I do not have ownership of my partner.
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Let's just say he knows my opinion on sneaking off .... (there are many details you dont know, that I do not wish to discuss publicly on a forum. PM me if you really want just a lil idea).

When I say selfish I mean I wont share him in that way with others. I don't own him but he has entered a relationship with me on terms that we both set. It is for us to honour those terms. He pretty much goes & does as he pleases in every other regard.
 
LancelotSA said:
With all due respect are you really that naive? Surely you do not believe that saying that once you have seen one, you have seen them all? Why do people cheat? They can get sex at home, so why do they bother running off and having an affair with someone else? Variety is the spice of life, that's why. The grass always looks greener on the other side, but we all know when you get there the grass usually is much the same as the grass over here. So why not get to hop over the fence and sample that grass every so often before hopping back over to your side of the fence. (Sorry way to many analogies there :) )

You asking why have sex with someone else again raises the issue of your insecurities, which as we talk more and more definitely seems to be the reason you are so anti this, as you seem to be questioning whether sex with you is not good enough when you ask this question. Why have sex with someone else when you can have sex with me? Am I not good enough? Definite insecurity there.
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Dont try to get to me by saying that you think i think.. im not good enough etc because I dont agree with your views on the matter.

I find the way you view open relationships very interesting and somewhat enlightening, I also find how you nit pick my posts and make me out to be insecure and how i view myself as not being good enough in your mind when the reason im "anti" open relationships is because I feel that I am good enough, and I think highly of myself in all aspects, and respect myself to much to entertain the idea of my boyfriend/husband coming home after having sex with another woman to climb into bed with me and pretend to love me.
 
So the proponents of open relationships (or of at least considering it) say monogamy is for people who are insecure and jealous. I am sure there are such people around!

However, in my book it is much more of an achievement to be able to stay happily committed to a person than to flit around like a butterfly.

Someone who is unable to committ, to work on a relationship and to stay faithful is weak, fickle and easily influenced. Not attractive characteristics.

I do not expect people to stay in an unhappy relationship. If it does not satisfy you and you tried your best, leave the relationship and move on. There are lots of fish in the sea. The problem is that people are in their little comfort zone. Why would they leave when there is someone at home to look after them and meet some of their needs?!

Oh and by the way, that argument about not having a monogamous relationship because one individual cannot possibly met all your needs - hogwash. That is the very nature of humanity - we can never be 100% happy and have all our needs met 100% in this life ... you WORK on the relationship and do the best you can with the person you chose to be with ...... and if it is not good enough, you end it and move on.

And the women who agree to an open relationship does so 9 times out of 10 out of fear of losing the man. Grow some backbone, sister.
 
PythonFSi said:
You think you might be now but what about a few months later? You'll start feeling lonely.

You start a thread here on myBB complaining about being all alone and yada yada yada!

All the advice you've given so far is nothing but bull****!

Heard it all before, blah! blah! blah!

You should go blog for some women's magazine! Maybe Huis Genoot!
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PythonFSi said:
What are you?

A relationsip expert? :(
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PythonFSi said:
Don't loose sleep over it.

Either you do it or you don't. Its not rocket sience FFS!
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Yours posts are a waste of life to read.
 
LancelotSA said:
There is a difference between love and lust...
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The distinction is only that clear if you're religious or somehow view emotions as you.
I see it more like pair bonding,where a relationship is also defined by our evolved biological criteria, not only the perception we call emotions. If those biological needs are compromised the relationship becomes trivial. Now I realize it will not be like that for all people and cultures but there's a biological and evolved mechanism behind our natural feelings of jealousy and just calling it insecurity and selfishness would be a little bit, um, wrong.
 
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