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Im so sorry but this is going to be long. I think today was my lowest low of being a parent, I have never in my life felt I was a failure at being a mother but today was it. I don't know why I'm posting this tonight in light of the other Glenvista debacle(nothing to do with us btw) but I found out yesterday my boy child was expelled from his hostel and today, we have been asked to find a another school to educate him for the rest of the year. To say I'm heartbroken is an understatement and I went and cried in the loo at work like a 12yr old for 30 mins. He broke a stringent rule at the hostel where no exceptions are made(understandably) and the school feels there is nothing more they can do for him. His walks to the beat of his own drum and doesn't follow rules, acts without consequences, doesn't complete tasks asked of him etc etc.
Don't get me wrong, he is nothing like the Glenvista boy, he is incredibly compassionate, likeable and a happy go lucky but that seems to be his downfall. He does shyte without thinking and when he gets into trouble for it, he is a deer in the spotlight with a "what did I do" look on his face. At this stage of the year, I'm besides myself. I actually feel like we are standing in glue, I honestly don't know where to turn. He hasn't been formally expelled from the school so my mom is going to make an impassioned plea tomorrow for them to just allow him to finish the year (grade10) so that we can get him to do a trade next year but apparently they were pretty adament that he is not welcome back after holidays. I don't believe there is any school that will take him at this time of year. If he drops out now, college type school will not be an option as I know he will never open a book etc. I've made no secret here of the face that he is not very academically inclined. He is not stupid, has no learning disability but he is just not interested.
I don't know if anyone else here has raised a "difficult" child with success, we are desperate to get him educated to some degree but we seem to fail at every turn. I don't know how to get it to sink in that life is about rules and we have to follow most of them to get ahead in life kwim? He doesn't seem to get it and just smiles and cuddles me saying all will be good when I try talk to him seriously.
Small examples of the stuff he has done recently: mother wakes in the middle of the night and sees her car is missing, she panics and calls the police, the sons waltzes in a short time later without a care in the world, a friend needed a ride so he borrowed the car...he will only be 17 next week and then he was all " huh..what's the matter, what I do??" Wtf???? Hostel tell him he is not allowed to throw a rugby ball in his dorm, they catch him a few days later with the ball in the dorm so they confiscate the ball. A few days after that, the bright spark decides to toss his shoe around the dorm because he has no ball, breaks the bloody light fitting on the ceiling...etc, I could go on...lots of small stuff that has just eventually added up I guess. (He wasn't expelled for breaking the light btw).
Any constructive advice for any potential way to move forward would be most welcome from any seasoned parent....and not boys town or the likes as he is not criminally minded, and no Abzo, he doesn't smoke pot, do steriods or anything like that before you ask.
The cherry on my pitiful cake, I haven't told the husband about today's events, he is still comming to terms with the hostel saga from yesterday that I just couldn't do it when I got home tonight. He is going to have a heart attack I'm sure. Totally freak out.
TL/DR: parenting is not for sissies.
. Or where just lucky. Just make sure he doesn't get away with it. You have to come down on him hard, but don't tell him he is a useless git, even if right now you think he is. This had to be a life lesson and a wake call for him.
Ahh, thanks for that..that made me laugh and puts a different perspective on him I guess. When he did his career test thing last year, it was recommended that he would do well as a "helper"..fire fighter, policeman, vet assistant etc. He has a huge amount of compassion for his fellow man.(much to his detriment sometimes). Just to point out, we have never pointed out his sisters achievements against his own failures to him, we know he is nothing like them and there is no comparison.@op - No parenting failure from what i can see, you have a young independant man in your life who is trying to find his way in the world on his own terms and in his own way, with i will say some good morals.
Give him his space allow him to breath and encourage the values he already shows.
Learning to drive without your knowlwdge - independant
Taking the car to help a friend in need , not joy riding shows strength of character, and morals regarding his view on friends (plus it was a sense of adventure for him i am sure
The important thing is ,did he manage and succeed in assisting his friend?
The fact that his siblings are doing xyz should never matter in any way, and pointing this out is only really negative reinforcement on him and his self esteem.
I hope you never ever say "look how succesful a or b is, what are you doing with your life etc etc"
major fail if so.
Boarding school was simpler in my day, sneaking out the hostel or sneaking a smoke or drink was hostel "tradition" which was followed up with six of the best if caught, also another hostel tradition. You werent really considered accepted until you had "six of the best" for some or other infraction.
Simpler, less complicated times.
And if your son isnt accademically inclined so what, there are many careers, trades that do not require endless hours of meaningless classroom time in an outdated, old fashioned system that schools rather than educates people.
Good for you, for taking him off the "Kiddie Cocaine", it is the last thing a young independant, developing mind needs.
. I think we know what we need to do going forward. Get him to finish the year, reconnect with him and lay down our ground rules and stick with them, be consistent in our parenting approach with him. Admittedly, I do tend to over-compensate when he is home or when we visit him because he is away most of the time.(make excuses and defend him). Like some have pointed out, I may have been too soft with him. The husband accuses me of this too. I hate to say this but my mother is the same with him, we can't help it but are like bears with him. In hindsight, it's done him no favors. And yes, maybe he did feel a sense of abandonment(ouch) and boarding school didnt work out for him clearly, but we couldn't have known that at the time. 
Oh lol, after my long essay, in short, yes, something like that!
Oh yes, the husband finds his "ways" extremely bewildering. He is a straight arrow, has always done what is expected of him, never broken rules and nerdy lol to best describe him and find its hard to accept that our son cant be similarly mannered (and like the girls) although they do happen to share traits. They don't share many common interests sadly. Our son plays sport and gyms, his father the geek. This doesn't make him a bad father btw, as I myself, am not like my daughters, they are their father through and through.
This morning I put him in a good mood
