Parenting failure

za1 said:
this poor kid, what **** parents.
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Would like to have seen the reaction we would have got if he killed some innocent person on the road or smashed the car, injuring himself and his passenger. He is currently 16. He cannot drive! Really now. That is fekking serious!
 
Carol35 said:
Would like to have seen the reaction we would have got if he killed some innocent person on the road or smashed the car, injuring himself and his passenger. He is currently 16. He cannot drive! Really now. That is fekking serious!
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Carol.. ignore the people who are taking issue with your parenting.. everyone is different and every child needs different methods.
 
ToxicBunny said:
Also reading some of the posts, its almost as if your son has difficult connecting events in his head... this MIGHT be something you want to investigate... I'm not suggesting its whats wrong, but it might help you to understand and deal with him more effectively.
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Yes, its a possibility we are discussing...my mom said its like he has a "short circuit" somewhere in his head as sometimes the things he gets up to is just like WTF! :erm: (not major naughty, trivial stuff but still astounding nonetheless.)
 
The more I read Carol's description of her son, the more this child reminds me of my own 17year old. No sense of responsibility, lack of concentration, just scraping through school, coasting through life aimlessly, forgetting what I sent him to the shop for, not seeing anything wrong in doing dumb things like getting into a vehicle with a 13year old driving and yet he's a sweet loving respectful boy. I know my son joins the wrong type of friends and he has admitted he finds it hard to concentrate sometimes, but if you find a way to deal with your son's problem Carol, please let me know. I've told my son he needs to find a part time job in the hope it will instill some sense of responsibility.
 
D3nz said:
The more I read Carol's description of her son, the more this child reminds me of my own 17year old. No sense of responsibility, lack of concentration, just scraping through school, coasting through life aimlessly, forgetting what I sent him to the shop for, not seeing anything wrong in doing dumb things like getting into a vehicle with a 13year old driving and yet he's a sweet loving respectful boy. I know my son joins the wrong type of friends and he has admitted he finds it hard to concentrate sometimes, but if you find a way to deal with your son's problem Carol, please let me know. I've told my son he needs to find a part time job in the hope it will instill some sense of responsibility.
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Reminds me of my brother..Currently in matric. Eish been following the thread and while I can't really advise you, you seem like a loving mother who is trying her best :)
Hope you figure something out but as ToxicBunny stated challenge them on the possible expulsion. It's really hard now of late to expel a pupil so they prefer to ask the parent to remove the student to get around this. My 3 cents.
 
Carol35 said:
Yes, its a possibility we are discussing...my mom said its like he has a "short circuit" somewhere in his head as sometimes the things he gets up to is just like WTF! :erm: (not major naughty, trivial stuff but still astounding nonetheless.)
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Yup... its like the consequence part of the thought process isn't there, or doesn't go deep enough.
 
Important thing is for him to finish the school year. Since he wasn't the only boy to drink i can't see how it is immediate expulsion..
Either make a deal with the principle that he goes to school some days or can get home study notes. In exchange for this you will agree for him to not enroll him next year. Tell him you will approach the education department if they refuse since it is in the child's best interest not to leave school so close to the end of the year and although what he has done adds up to being serious each individual event isn't expulsion material unless it was his plan alone to bring alcohol. If not force him to split on his buddies as it won't be fair they are not asked to leave but he is. Punish him with community service every weekend. This might lead to him changing. Taking things away just leaves him with free time to to get up to mischief.
 
Wtf? A psychologist can refer the case to a psychiatrist, who can then prescribe ritalin based on their evaluation. The Education Department can't just go on a psychologist's word.

And were the other boys that drank also expelled from the hostel?
 
Carol35 said:
Thanks so much for everyones opinions, I really do value all the input.

Lol, I cried because I couldn't stop myself. I cried because I was hurt, disappointed, frustrated and angry that we are going through this again. But mostly because Im scared for him, I don't know where to from here. if that makes any sense. Haha, yep, maybe there is hope for him then after your description of your younger days. Lol, if by some miracle he gets a matric and mentions an interest in going to varsity, I think I will need a years supply of valium on hand at all times.
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He will probably find his feet in due course.
Take a look at what I got up to as a kid (it is just a fraction of the dirty laundry in the closet that i was prepared to hang out in public)
http://mybroadband.co.za/vb/showthr...a-teenager?p=10944691&viewfull=1#post10944691
and there is more that I got up to but did not include in that post.

I hated school, my academic performance was "pedestrian" at best.
My parents would try lock me in my bedroom to make me study - I undid the burglar bars and got out.
Matric exams - I probably spent about 2 hours studying each subject just days before the exams, provided the studying did not infringe on my social life.
My parents were going berserk, I simply refused to listen to instructions or advice.
If I was not particularly interested in something I would switch off. I had the attention span of a gnat !
I was punished, I was grounded, I was smacked with a belt quite often - none of it had any effect !
I was a frequent visitor to the headmaster or vice principal's office.

I then landed up doing national service, as some of us had to do back then - I did an officers course, became a lieutenant, then proceeded to run amok in the army, managing to get myself transferred constantly between army units.
I would issue air travel vouchers to friends (who weren't even in the army) to fly up to JHB for weekend parties.

After national service I decided I wanted to study - was not entirely sure what though.
Landed up studying Clinical Technology (cardiovascular perfusion). My academic performance was outstanding. I realized the reason for my lackluster performance at school was simply as a result of my being totally disinterested in "school work", whereas what I was studying, I had an interest in !
Next thing I was working for the US State Dept, that was without doubt, the most interesting period of my life.
Looking back at my "misspent" youth nobody, especially myself, would ever believe they would see the day that I would have a picnic lunch with a vice president's family & fly in Airforce 2 (never made it to Airforce 1 tho).
Since then I have moved on, done other things.

I am guessing, my biggest enemy was boredom. Maybe I should have been on something like Ritalin - who knows, but I seem to have turned out ok - although it took a while !

So there is hope yet, I would regard myself as a bit of a late bloomer, I suspect your son & I may share quite a few traits / characteristics.
Dont rip your hair out too soon !
 
I do not have kids, and do not think I will ever have. If I have to compare my childhood, with some of the parenting skills I see going around, kids are going to be in trouble. There is no discipline... , too many little things are allowed to slide....These days parents are like the UN, full of resolutions and ultimatums, but when push comes, they back down. Back in the day, you never tested the resolve of the mommy. My mom, only gave one warning and that look...., and you knew, back the hell down, to see another day, or she would unleash a perfect targeted strike. Today's parents have this fear, that their kids will love them less if they set boundaries, and enforce them.
 
D3nz said:
The more I read Carol's description of her son, the more this child reminds me of my own 17year old. No sense of responsibility, lack of concentration, just scraping through school, coasting through life aimlessly, forgetting what I sent him to the shop for, not seeing anything wrong in doing dumb things like getting into a vehicle with a 13year old driving and yet he's a sweet loving respectful boy. I know my son joins the wrong type of friends and he has admitted he finds it hard to concentrate sometimes, but if you find a way to deal with your son's problem Carol, please let me know. I've told my son he needs to find a part time job in the hope it will instill some sense of responsibility.
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omg!!!! Thank you, thanks so so much for this! Its really good to see we are not alone. This pretty sums my boy up in a short paragraph! he is EXACTLY like that. A job is a great idea, mine has a weekend job...he really does enjoy it and makes the effort to be on time and do what he must/ (lol, may as well mention its a sort of life saving job so he gets to sit in his shorts the entire day helping kiddies in and out of the pool while he has a stream of girls parading past him all day. But its better than nothing for sure!)
Truth be told, it would be easier to deal with him if he was a little horror criminal but its incredibly hard because he is such a nice kid kwim?
 
OrbitalDawn said:
Wtf? A psychologist can refer the case to a psychiatrist, who can then prescribe ritalin based on their evaluation. The Education Department can't just go on a psychologist's word.

And were the other boys that drank also expelled from the hostel?
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That's exactly how it happened. He has never seen a psychiatrist/neurologist,which I have since learned we should have done, nor a GP before starting his ritalin. This was his previous school.(was asked to leave).

Edit: Yes, 3 boys expelled, mine included. One is apparently in the middle of his matric exams.
 
quite honestly, there is nothing wrong with your child. he is a boy and they do things like this. not the car thing mind you but the alcohol. they will experiment with their peers at any chance they get.

my advice though is that you let him stay with you at home. while you may think he won't finish school, force him to finish and get his matric even if he passes with 40% at least he will have it.

perhaps also listen to many of the men here who went through their teen years doing things like this with their friends. listen to your husband's stories as well. remember what you did as a teenager and what you would do to not let your parents know.

all these things your child is doing are things everyone did in their teens only difference is in today's day and age the teens of today seem to get caught out quicker than we did :D, and we know what we did when we were their age, we just don't want them to know we did it all and didn't get caught. :D
 
Carol35 said:
That's exactly how it happened. He has never seen a psychiatrist/neurologist,which I have since learned we should have done, nor a GP before starting his ritalin. This was his previous school.(was asked to leave).
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That's super dodgy, imo. Ritalin is a serious drug, not candy to be handed out on a whim.

Carol35 said:
Edit: Yes, 3 boys expelled, mine included. One is apparently in the middle of his matric exams.
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Ah okay.

Any feedback on attempts to talk to the school/hostel? Are the two combined, i.e. can he be expelled from one but not the other, or do they go together?
 
OrbitalDawn said:
That's super dodgy, imo. Ritalin is a serious drug, not candy to be handed out on a whim.



Ah okay.

Any feedback on attempts to talk to the school/hostel? Are the two combined, i.e. can he be expelled from one but not the other, or do they go together?
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They should be seperate....

You can be expelled from the B.E., but still attend the school...

and if the school is trying to expel a kid for drinking a bit of alcohol, they have a problem.. they will need to expel the majority of the senior 2 years.... I don't see how the school can actually get away with expelling a child for consuming a small quantity of alcohol.
 
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