Possible alarm bells

Well she hasn't cheated yet right? And you love her? She loves you? I don't see why you'd just dump her and move on because of something that MIGHT POSSIBLY happen..
 
don't you have a girl who fancies you ;) ? i say fight fire with fire. she has drinks with the guy, that's fine. see how she likes it if you have drinks with a girl who's been making moves on you.
 
maumau said:
don't you have a girl who fancies you ;) ? i say fight fire with fire. she has drinks with the guy, that's fine. see how she likes it if you have drinks with a girl who's been making moves on you.
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Sorry but I just find that immature
 
Follow your instinct. The mere fact that you're asking this question means you know something isnt right. I think that there was a post that sums it up perfectly. She knows what this other guy wants, if she had any respect for you and no intention of being with this guy there would be no need for contact. Not saying she's cheating, just saying that she knows you arent comfortable with this, but she keeps bringing it up...

Look at it this way: This guy is chasing her, she's making an effort to "see" him. You're chasing after her but who's chasing after you?

Sit her down and figure this out. Love doesnt hurt. When it does, its not love anymore.
 
It sounds like your GF may want to open the boundaries of your relationship a bit, and was testing the waters to see if you'd bite. Some people I know can do the whole emotionally loyal but multiple sexual partners thing and be quite happy with it.

She may also have been doing it to make you jealous, because maybe you've been slacking a bit in the effort department. Probably most likely considering that she's told you about this dude liking her, and has even contemplated going for drinks with the dude.

Or, she's cheating on you.

I had an ex who had a friend that had a 'crush' on her. Did not bother me when she went out with him or other guys,I trusted her. Relationships differ I guess.
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I've got a fairly close female friend who I have a bit of an on/off crush on, and the thing is that it's on/off back. I kind of had the feeling that she also had feelings for me, but it wasn't until other people asked me on various occasions if there was something going on that I confirmed my suspicions. She has a bf though and I'm mates with the guy, so I don't move things forward because I value my friendship with the dude more than getting my rocks off.
 
If she wasn't interested she wouldn't ask whether she could go. She'd tell you about the guy and tell you he asked her out, but that she obviously said "no". End of story.

Either that, or she's playing a game to get you jealous, in which case you should dump her anyways.
At the start of a relationship this used to be one of my first lines to a girl: "If you ever lie to me or try and make me jealous using other men, we're finished"
 
Randhir said:
Sorry, but even if she isn't cheating, or considering it, the fact that both of you know that this guy is after her and she still considers going out with him for drinks means she doesn't have any respect for you.
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+1!

I'd move on. Fsck that!
 
genetic said:
Lets say your girlfriend has another male friend - a guy she knows at work. They're friends, that's it... but she tells you that he has a crush on her, and has attempted to make a move on her before. She's being honest with you which I guess is a good sign and she says she pushes all his advances away.

Now she says that he wants to go out for a few drinks with her sometime and she asks you if it's OK. Obviously you'd say no, because if he's made advances before - he'll do it again. Add alcohol to the mix then you have a recipe for disaster. Worst thing is, you, her boyfriend, isn't invited. She accepts your answer of no, and says she won't see him after hours at all, and she says she can understand why you'd feel strongly against it.

But, let's say that sometimes she's difficult to get hold of on weekends, which under the circumstances makes you very suspicious.

Do you think that the alarm bells are ringing? Time to pull out?
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Firstly it was not for you to say no or yes. She was hiding behind you.
Secondly do you trust her or not? Why the doubt as to her whereabouts?
If she does not like him then she must tell him so.
If she is not interested in him & he still goes after her then it's up to her to break the friendship. Currently this has potential to move over into stalker territory.

Discuss this like adults with her. She must then be given time(don't tell her)
After that you decide whether the relationship as it stands at that time is for you or not.
 
ChilliGirl said:
Firstly it was not for you to say no or yes
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she asked him, and he gave an answer. he has every right to tell her NO you cant go and have drinks solo with another bloke while YOU DATING SOMEONE ELSE

sheesh seriously, people are so unwise these days... and wonder why they in relationship mess non stop lol

:D
 
techead said:
she asked him, and he gave an answer. he has every right to tell her NO you cant go and have drinks solo with another bloke while YOU DATING SOMEONE ELSE

sheesh seriously, people are so unwise these days... and wonder why they in relationship mess non stop lol

:D
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He doesn't have any rights over her. Whatever control he does have over her actions is what she chooses to give him. He does deserve honesty and faithfullness but his only recourse if she chooses not to give him those things is to walk away from the relationship.
 
Nick333 said:
He doesn't have any rights over her. Whatever control he does have over her actions is what she chooses to give him. He does deserve honesty and faithfullness but his only recourse if she chooses not to give him those things is to walk away from the relationship.
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At least one person understood what I said :p

She did ask him, but it still does not mean he should tell her what to do. That was/is a choice only she can/should make. (might be difficult for the OP, but it's no good allowing her to hide behind him. Some nasties we have to face in life by ourselves)
 
sorry I think I misunderstood!

all Im saying is that anyone who has to ASK that question, regardless of whos in "control" or whatever... needs their head checked.
 
techead said:
sorry I think I misunderstood!

all Im saying is that anyone who has to ASK that question, regardless of whos in "control" or whatever... needs their head checked.
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I dunno... I think people should be able to have friends of the opposite sex regardless of their relationship status. Demanding your SO stays away from people of the opposite sex strikes me as being controlling and a bit insulting.
 
Nick333 said:
I dunno... I think people should be able to have friends of the opposite sex regardless of their relationship status. Demanding your SO stays away from people of the opposite sex strikes me as being controlling and a bit insulting.
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Oh heck....

If I was to be with someone that does not like me having gents as friends then it would be a problem. I have a few gents that are my friends from even before SO & I met.
//////keeps SO :D :love:

he's also got a few ladies that are his friends & if I was the jealous type then I would sometimes not sleep. & I sleep every night.

Trust is a small word but in those 5 letters there's a LOT of importance
 
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I hear what you are saying... but there is a strong distinguishable difference between trust and acting wisely.

do i TRUST my fiance to go and have drinks with a bloke that I dont know? yeah I do

is it WISE to walk life as close to the line as possible and not allow for a bit of a "buffer" zone? I dont think so.

Luckily we both think the same in that regard.

All Im saying is that people tend to walk too close to the "cant go back" line, and then inevitably end up falling off the cliff and then they cry.

You get what Im trying to say?
 
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techead said:
I hear what you are saying... but there is a strong distinguishable difference between trust and acting wisely.

do i TRUST my fiance to go and have drinks with a bloke that I dont know? yeah I do

is it WISE to walk life as close to the line as possible and not allow for a bit of a "buffer" zone? I dont think so.

Luckily we both think the same in that regard.

All Im saying is that people tend to walk to close to the "cant go back" line, and then inevitably end up falling off the cliff and then they cry.

You get what Im trying to say?
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that is why the OP also has a lil bit of thinknig to go do. I think he would not have posted here is something was not eating sloooooooowly at his ''gut-feelings".
 
ChilliGirl said:
Oh heck....

If I was to be with someone that does not like me having gents as friends then it would be a problem. I have a few gents that are my friends from even before SO & I met.
//////keeps SO :D :love:

he's also got a few ladies that are his friends & if I was the jealous type then I would sometimes not sleep. & I sleep every night.

Trust is a small word but in those 5 letters there's a LOT of importance
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ok i have not read all the responses

having friends before your SO is fine but having your SO say ok this guy likes me that (she met after you guys dated) but i would never do anything and now he wants to go out for drinks ...so you should just say ok you can go ...thats crazy

i have had girls go with me for lunch who have SO's and i know what can happen ....the woman should just furk off already to that guy cause from a drink to your bed when you at work is what happens ....
 
samr1wp said:
ok i have not read all the responses

having friends before your SO is fine but having your SO say ok this guy likes me that (she met after you guys dated) but i would never do anything and now he wants to go out for drinks ...so you should just say ok you can go ...thats crazy

i have had girls go with me for lunch who have SO's and i know what can happen ....the woman should just furk off already to that guy cause from a drink to your bed when you at work is what happens ....
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//sigh

She should not have to ask him.
She needs to decide the wisdom of going or not going for herself. Obviously she'll probably mention to him if she's going / not going.

From those choices that she makes & his personality he needs to decide if he's gonna stay with her.
 
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