question about friendship

[Pitbull]

Ok, you're more mature than me then.
I reckon I'd be a tad upset.

No ofc, i will be Pissed.

But in the end, that was her choice to make. Nothing I do in this world can change that. I will prob be heart broken. But the reason she would have don it is because she was not happy. So it's my fault end of story. And she would prob be happier in her choice she made

 

[Ou grote]

What do you guys want me to say ?

What i said is the truth, my wife make me very happy and I hope I'm making her happy too. If she's not happy she will find another person. Might as well be someone I know.

For something like that to happen both needs to agree to what is happening, it's not just he's fault or her fault. You guys are saying I must kick the friend out and keep the wife ?

I guess it depends on the situation...
You'll only know when it happens.

 

[Fiekus]

I personally feel each one to his own business. If what he did put you off moraly then hey chat to him and tell him he put you in a difficult situation.
If you are really against what he did then you don't need his friendship.

But... (you knew it was coming hey)
I would decide whether his friendship is worth losing over this and if you are comfortable being somewhat responsible for breaking up his relationship if it came to that. I know he did the act, but hey you opened your mouth because you said you wanted it to come out. One of my married friends is screwing around and I am good friends with him and his wife. They have two kids and he openly tells me of his escapades. Now, I feel really ***** for his wife and kids and wish I could tell them, but how is that going to make me happy when they split up? Yes he will be to blame because he did it but get my point? I have kept quiet now for a few years and the kids are happy and they also seem happy. He just likes it on the side and believe me I don't condone it and have told him so already but as a friend, that's all I feel comfortable doing.

So it's all personal I believe, no one can tell you what to do. I just happen to like his friendship and what he does in his personal life, why should I intervene to the extend that I could break them up?

I know I'm going to get flamed for this

 

[Nick333]

What do you guys want me to say ?

What i said is the truth, my wife make me very happy and I hope I'm making her happy too. If she's not happy she will find another person. Might as well be someone I know.

For something like that to happen both needs to agree to what is happening, it's not just he's fault or her fault. You guys are saying I must kick the friend out and keep the wife ?

Its not about who you kick out its about how you would react to a betrayal from a friend.

Clearly you see a friend telling your wife about your infedelity as a betrayal but its cool if he sleeps with your wife. I can't really argue with you there because I have no frame of reference for your rather eclectic value system.

Or you could just be full of ****.

 

[Keeper]

i didnt read the whole thread but i'm kinda with pitbull on this one...busting ur buddy, is not good... the guy code DOES exist.

 

[Ou grote]

Its not about who you kick out its about how you would react to a betrayal from a friend.

Clearly you see a friend telling your wife about your infedelity as a betrayal but its cool if he sleeps with your wife. I can't really argue with you there because I have no frame of reference for your rather eclectic value system.

Or you could just be full of ****.

Hey dude, don't get the thread closed, I like it.

 

[sabagamma]

i didnt read the whole thread but i'm kinda with pitbull on this one...busting ur buddy, is not good... the guy code DOES exist.

Debbie2 is going to kick your @ss!

 

[Pitbull]

I personally feel each one to his own business. If what he did put you off moraly then hey chat to him and tell him he put you in a difficult situation.
If you are really against what he did then you don't need his friendship.

But... (you knew it was coming hey)
I would decide whether his friendship is worth losing over this and if you are comfortable being somewhat responsible for breaking up his relationship if it came to that. I know he did the act, but hey you opened your mouth because you said you wanted it to come out. One of my married friends is screwing around and I am good friends with him and his wife. They have two kids and he openly tells me of his escapades. Now, I feel really ***** for his wife and kids and wish I could tell them, but how is that going to make me happy when they split up? Yes he will be to blame because he did it but get my point? I have kept quiet now for a few years and the kids are happy and they also seem happy. He just likes it on the side and believe me I don't condone it and have told him so already but as a friend, that's all I feel comfortable doing.

So it's all personal I believe, no one can tell you what to do. I just happen to like his friendship and what he does in his personal life, why should I intervene to the extend that I could break them up?

I know I'm going to get flamed for this

NOW THAT IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT !!!!

He has just put my feelings down perfectly.
It's not about me condoning it, it's not my place to be migling in their business. If he get's cuaght so be it. If not, he's wife is not to smart or he's just super carefull. There is no way a man can hide it when he cheats, nor can a woman.

If they are to stupid to catch their own partner messing around, that is their business

 

[Keeper]

Everybody knows that BFF ranks higher than any other merit. watch south park (where cartman had the other half of kenny's BFF neclace, to pull the plug on him)

LOL...

 

[Fiekus]

i didnt read the whole thread but i'm kinda with pitbull on this one...busting ur buddy, is not good... the guy code DOES exist.

Or as they say in "How I met your mother"... the bro code

 

[Keeper]

i have split a guy cheating (to my Ex, when we broke up - suppose it was probably so i don't look too bad with breaking up with her)

i almost got donnered.

I learned my lesson....haha

 

[Nick333]

Hey dude, don't get the thread closed, I like it.

I'm just putting it out there as a possibillity.

 

[Nick333]

i have split a guy cheating (to my Ex, when we broke up - suppose it was probably so i don't look too bad with breaking up with her)

i almost got donnered.

I learned my lesson....haha

Ja, getting donnered is often a persuasive argument for adjusting your value system.

 

[Ou grote]

I'm just putting it out there as a possibillity.

lol. Just a tact thing then. That's ok.

 

[Nocturnity]

I see all the points people have raised here and everyone makes sense. From that example, I can understand why pitbull feels the way he does. If one of the people in the relationship decides to cheat, it is because they are not happy. I don't condone the cheating aspect as I believe they should have the decency to at least break up with the person before they move on but I think it's rather naive to firmly believe that the person you're with will always only look at you. People who believe that are generally the people who get cheated on because they grow complacent and their partner becomes bored/unfulfilled.

Having said that, the original question is a lot more complicated than the examples used later on in this thread. From that perspective I honestly don't know what I would have done. I probably would have done the same...

As for you, halicon, you lump everyone who's posted in this thread together and call us all "juvenile teenage girls"? You forget that you yourself have posted in the thread. See where generalizing gets you? That's the kind of thought patterns that lead to bigotry and hatred.

 

[nocilah]

I see all the points people have raised here and everyone makes sense. From that example, I can understand why pitbull feels the way he does. If one of the people in the relationship decides to cheat, it is because they are not happy. I don't condone the cheating aspect as I believe they should have the decency to at least break up with the person before they move on but I think it's rather naive to firmly believe that the person you're with will always only look at you. People who believe that are generally the people who get cheated on because they grow complacent and their partner becomes bored/unfulfilled.

Having said that, the original question is a lot more complicated than the examples used later on in this thread. From that perspective I honestly don't know what I would have done. I probably would have done the same...

As for you, halicon, you lump everyone who's posted in this thread together and call us all "juvenile teenage girls"? You forget that you yourself have posted in the thread. See where generalizing gets you? That's the kind of thought patterns that lead to bigotry and hatred.

the only thing that amazes me about this thread is how many low class people have access to the net.

and yes you can quote that in your sig if it makes you feel like a MAN

 

[sabagamma]

the only thing that amazes me about this thread is how many low class people have access to the net.

and yes you can quote that in your sig if it makes you feel like a MAN

What's up with all the class jibes? You British?

As they say in calcio, "form is temporary, class is permanent" - I know it makes no sense WRT this thread.

 

[killadoob]

look i dont think anyone who has posted here is low class or anything

we all have our different views, which is why i posted and asked

as someone said i think my situation is little bit more harsh than busting my buddie for cheating on his chick

there is cheating and there is a cheating with someone who gets hammered by 10-15 men a day

thats the difference

i can see where i have made a mistake no doubt though

live and learn i guess

 

[Ou grote]

look i dont think anyone who has posted here is low class or anything

we all have our different views, which is why i posted and asked

as someone said i think my situation is little bit more harsh than busting my buddie for cheating on his chick

there is cheating and there is a cheating with someone who gets hammered by 10-15 men a day

thats the difference

i can see where i have made a mistake no doubt though

live and learn i guess

Reckon we all learnt a few things from this thread, so u did some good.

 

[nocilah]

What's up with all the class jibes? You British?

As they say in calcio, "form is temporary, class is permanent" - I know it makes no sense WRT this thread.

there two kinds of class.

the kind where you have upper and lower class which is based on income.

then there is class in terms of elegance and character. eg. that man has class or more on topic, killadoob's mate has no class.

but it is futile trying to explain this as generally white south african men tend to think class is the car you drive, because in general south african men are socially, emotionally and mentally immature as has been proven in this thread.

and ofcourse i will get flamed, told to fsck off or be called a bigot - but i am used to that by now.

it really is inconsequential considering on this forum we are what we want others to see, i just cant understand why anyone would flaunt their severely primitive and sadly sick value system.

and a side note to killadoob. i dont think you made a mistake, I just think you have more class then your friend and i think you value your relationship with your partner more then your friend which is fine.