Should I contest the divorce

Lose everything, amass a moerse lot of debt. Share the debt 50/50. If she's gonna hate you, then you may as well give her a good reason to.
 
enigma243 said:
Without proof that she is specifically to blame for the breakdown of the marriage, she is entitled to half the monetary value of your combined estate - what is she demanding, and why?
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+1.

Since you've got some money to burn, hire a PI. If he can prove that she's practising infidelity then you will win the case and she will go empty-handed.

BTW, pre-nup FTW.
 
tco21 said:
+1.

Since you've got some money to burn, hire a PI. If he can prove that she's practising infidelity then you will win the case and she will go empty-handed.

BTW, pre-nup FTW.
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Wont matter - esp if they're separated.
 
Uhm, even if she didn't work 50/50 is fair.

did you know she wasn't going to work when you married?

Was she supposed to be a housewive?

It doesn't matter that she didn't have anything when you married. You made her accustomed to her lifestyle. You will have to give her enough to keep her lifestyle. Hmm, not very nice to her but that's how it works.

For the unmarried here - Get a spouse who will earn about the same amount as you...
 
What you need to do is Mediate not litigate. Take this advice to heart. The legal system does not need to be involved. The mediatior will conduct X number of sessions between you at a fraction of legals costs and then you can get a R100 divorce. You will reach agreement in mediation. Lawyers hate mediators and Judges love mediated settlements- allows them to get in an extra round of golf.
Both of you will save an absolute fortune of your own money by going to mediation on this divorce. Money that the greedy lawyers want to get their grubby hands on.- Remember they are the only winners.
Want to know more about the process www.saam.org.za or PM me for recommendations of hot shot affordable mediators.
 
spiderz said:
If there's kids, make sure everything is in their names, so neither of you have anything to split.
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We have no kids but I suspect I would never have in any case thought of this. I am now learning that ownership can sway matters.
 
PythonFSi said:
How old is she by the way? If she's still young and able to work . . . the judge will factor that in as well.

She can work as a stripper . . . 2010 is around the corner so she will be self-sufficient.
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:)

She has never worked and her prospects are unlikely to change.
 
An advocate will decide whether she can work or not, even if you have been married for longer than 15 years, she cannot automatically claim maintenance.

Offer a 3 year(max 5 yrs) rehabilitative maintenance offer and draw your line in the sand with that.

The courts favour a clean break and they also favour rehabilitation.

Who is guilty of what is of little consequence legally.
 
chrissy said:
You're still not going into the details of WHY you're braking up in the first place. The way I c it is: you did some things that hurt her very much, if she did anything bad you would be telling us. So, if you're the guilty party and made a mess of something that could have worked, then take it like the man you should have been.
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This is complex and guilt is not easy to apportion. The differences became too much. Hurt of course came into it but this went both ways. For my share I have regrets but it is too late now.
 
Sensorei said:
Damn bitches them women. All they want is money. My fiance seems to be one of the few good ones and I am getting married in 5 weeks but now I am wondering about the pre nup. Hmmmm. Good luck man, I feel for you.
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Hey! Not fair - stop generalising.

If you really feel that away about women, and aren't just doing some macho posing here on the interwebs, why are you getting married?
 
PhreakBoy said:
Hmmn. Sorry to hear man.
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+1 :(

Divorce is always sad. For you I am glad there are no children involved. Hang in there Bud and will pray for strength for you to get through this ... but not enough to commit some of the heinous acts being suggested above :D

NoLimit said:
No children. Grounds - 'irreconciliable differences'. We have fixed property and 'in-community'.

I could burn some but not a huge amount.
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Somehow this always seems a really, really weak reason. We need more open conversation in relationships and go to great lengths to sort out our differences.

All the best, mate!
 
It'll be your own money going to the "courts" and to "advocates" and Lawyers and believe me, when all is said and done if you don't sort this out via mediation, you will one day wake up and wonder just where the heck all your money has gone because you will have accomplished basically nothing. The law will demand that you maintain your wife and if you don't get your ass into mediation now you will very likely be served with a rule 43 which, if granted, allows your wife to claim interim maintenence immediately in antipication of a contested divorce. If the High Court grants a rule 43 order against you, you will be screwed my friend for her legal costs as well. You don't want to go down that road.
 
Hosehead said:
What you need to do is Mediate not litigate. Take this advice to heart. The legal system does not need to be involved. The mediatior will conduct X number of sessions between you at a fraction of legals costs and then you can get a R100 divorce. You will reach agreement in mediation. Lawyers hate mediators and Judges love mediated settlements- allows them to get in an extra round of golf.
Both of you will save an absolute fortune of your own money by going to mediation on this divorce. Money that the greedy lawyers want to get their grubby hands on.- Remember they are the only winners.
Want to know more about the process www.saam.org.za or PM me for recommendations of hot shot affordable mediators.
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The problem is she knows she does not need to compromise. She is quite confident that she has the upper hand and that the law will judge in her favour. Even after legal fees she probably thinks it will be a better deal than what she may reluctantly have to accept through a mediator.

All this is apart from the stand-off we have making it virtually impossible to consider mediation.
 
Oh, and in between all the advisory services... :o

Sorry to hear, mate. Sucks... Stay strong. All the best. Hope you'll be able to look back in 5 years' time and regard this as a learning experience.
 
@NoLimit buddy 18years! She must have been a good loving wife for atleast 10 bud.
Dont you think she deserves something for those 10 years of her life? btw i'm not saying half or more, i'm just saying.

Also remind her that she was everything to you at one stage and gave you the best 10 years or so you could ever ask for and therefor you want to give her half try and mediate AND TRY AND KEEP YOUR DAMM PENSION OUT OF IT cuz thats gonna suck a$s dude!
 
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