Should I contest the divorce

[Hosehead]

The problem is she knows she does not need to compromise. She is quite confident that she has the upper hand and that the law will judge in her favour. Even after legal fees she probably thinks it will be a better deal than what she may reluctantly have to accept through a mediator.

All this is apart from the stand-off we have making it virtually impossible to consider mediation.

1. You need to sit her down and explain the reality of the financial situation of both of you. - or ignore this and go to point 3 below.
2. A mediator will only draw up a settlement you are both happy with. It won't be anything "reluclant"
3. To begin a mediation process you will need to defuse the stand off. I suggest you contact a mediator and take it from there on how to get your wife on board. The mediator will be 100% impartial and acting in the best interests of both parties.

 

[Frankie]

She has never worked and her prospects are unlikely to change.

I would move towards the quickest settlement for now but remember if the court awards her maintenance then you'll be liable for this for the rest of your working life, but there is room to manoeuvre later.

Once the dust settles, go to the maintenance officer at the court closest to her home, and present your case that you had all the intentions of honouring the divorce judgement but just cant manage the high maintenance and ask for a considerable reduction, and at that time, if she is able bodied, then ask that the court allow her sufficient time to work towards earning an income to further relieve the burden on you.

 

[Frankie]

An advocate will decide whether she can work or not, even if you have been married for longer than 15 years, she cannot automatically claim maintenance.

Offer a 3 year(max 5 yrs) rehabilitative maintenance offer and draw your line in the sand with that.

The courts favour a clean break and they also favour rehabilitation.

Who is guilty of what is of little consequence legally.

+1

 

[Amida]

I can't understand how they would make you pay maintenance for someone that is able to take care of them self. This would drive me up the wall.

 

[Hosehead]

I can't understand how they would make you pay maintenance for someone that is able to take care of them self. This would drive me up the wall.

You will understand even less how they allowed Rule 43 to come into being also.

 

[Nocturnity]

Good luck with all of this, bud.

Seriously. There's no way I'm getting married. Ever. The road to hell is paved with good intentions...

 

[Syndyre]

I think its bull**** - If I ever got married, and then divorced - I'd go on the run before paying my ex...

I'm making 100% sure that you get what you came with when I get married, and thats it.

+1.

If I ever get married I'll also make sure there's a rock solid pre nup signed that can actually be enforced.

 

[koeks]

sad i tell you. withdraw the money that you can and keep it where only you know. the pension one makes me sick...

 

[NoLimit]

1. You need to sit her down and explain the reality of the financial situation of both of you. - or ignore this and go to point 3 below.
2. A mediator will only draw up a settlement you are both happy with. It won't be anything "reluclant"
3. To begin a mediation process you will need to defuse the stand off. I suggest you contact a mediator and take it from there on how to get your wife on board. The mediator will be 100% impartial and acting in the best interests of both parties.

I agree, all common sense, points to this approach. I have to just overcome the inner struggle and try to step back.

 

[NoLimit]

sad i tell you. withdraw the money that you can and keep it where only you know. the pension one makes me sick...

The courts can force full disclosure. If however the money has been spent, not sure what they can do other than make the settlement even more punitive mad:

 

[Kilgore_Trout_Redux]

NoLimit. I have s proposal. Get to Cape Town somehow and have a huge divorce party at Mavericks with me and a few other MyBB residents. Blow as much money as you can on us.

We and some lovely Eastrn European ladies will think of ways to spend it.

 

[Rosaudio]

Uuh what's a pre-nup?

(cant google)

 

[Kilgore_Trout_Redux]

Uuh what's a pre-nup?

(cant google)

It's a legal agreement in which you define who is going to own what so that it isn't a free-for-all(ie. for the ex-wife) if you get divorced.

 

[ponder]

Uuh what's a pre-nup?

(cant google)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prenuptial_agreement

Prenuptial agreement

A prenuptial agreement, antenuptial agreement, or premarital agreement, commonly abbreviated to prenup or prenupt, is a contract entered into prior to marriage or civil union by the people intending to marry. The content of a prenuptial agreement can vary widely, but commonly includes provisions for division of property and spousal support in the event of divorce or breakup of marriage.
In some countries, including the Netherlands, the prenuptial agreement not only provides for the event of a divorce, but also to protect some property during the marriage, for instance in case of a bankruptcy.
Many countries, including Canada, France, Italy, and Germany, have matrimonial regimes, in addition to, or some cases, in lieu of prenuptial agreements.
As of 2007, England and Wales do not enforce prenuptial agreements, but agreements may be upheld at the judge's discretion. These countries also do not have a provision for marital regimes.
There are two types of prenuptial agreements: marriage contract for people who are married or about to be married, and cohabitation agreement for unmarried couples. A variation for people who are already married is a postnuptial agreement, also called a postmarital agreement.
Postnuptial agreements are similar to prenuptial agreements, except that they are entered into after a couple is married.[1][2]

 

[Pooky]

Go down fighting!! Or better yet, don't go down!!!

I would be so angry if my wife wanted stuff from me.

 

[Voicy]

She sounds like a car guard.

Want me to kick her inna panty?

 

[3G4me]

No Limit, I am assuming from your comments of "she is just seeking revenge" and "you have some regrets but too late now" that you did something to hurt your wife.

If that's the case, and you perhaps cheated on her, then look at it logically. She spent 18 years looking after you. Presumably you both started with nothing, and since you were the one earning the bucks, you now feel it all belongs to you?

Doesn't work that way... If, and I repeat if, you did something to cause her to end the marriage because thats how bad what you did was, then sorry dude, you don't get my sympathy just because you have to part with half your assets.

It was 18 years of her life too, and you can easily earn more, you have a job. Whats the chance she can earn the same as you over the next 18 years?

 

[Peder]

What about seeing a counsellor? You have a right to see a counsellor, isn't there a possibility you can patch it up?

 

[NoLimit]

NoLimit. I have s proposal. Get to Cape Town somehow and have a huge divorce party at Mavericks with me and a few other MyBB residents. Blow as much money as you can on us.

We and some lovely Eastrn European ladies will think of ways to spend it.

 

[NoLimit]

No Limit, I am assuming from your comments of "she is just seeking revenge" and "you have some regrets but too late now" that you did something to hurt your wife.

It was 18 years of her life too, and you can easily earn more, you have a job. Whats the chance she can earn the same as you over the next 18 years?

No specific justification for revenge but it's a case of 'a woman scorned'. The hurt is more emotional, over matters that individually may be seen as a 'norm' but when taken together, with some remaining unreconciled, start to stress the relationship beyond breaking point.

I am looking for a fair division but the courts will just draw an arbitrary line.