Should we be taking masturbation breaks at work?

satanboy

Psychonaut seven
Joined
Sep 13, 2007
Messages
95,399
#1
As we sit at our dimly lit desks squinting at years-old computer screens, we often find ourselves lusting over all the fancy offices offering perks to their employees.

We dream of a workplace where it’s okay to take naps (in special nap rooms filled with blankets and eye masks, preferably). Where holiday time is unlimited. Where our working hours are flexible. And it’s all because we believe that, surely, all that stuff will make us happier, better, more creative workers in the long run. Which is probably true. Anything that helps us with a work/life balance, reduces stress, and makes the office a more pleasant place to be is likely to be a positive thing. But it might not just be down to holiday time, taking your full lunch break, and napping. Apparently, the next trendy way to make the working day better is the masturbation break.

A recent article by Ravishly declared that ‘fapping is the new smoke break’, describing a quick wank sesh as a brilliant way to ‘boost output and creativity’. And last year, a survey by Guyfi – a masturbation booth popup – found that 40% of workers in New York masturbate while on the job. Work-masturbators praise popping to the toilets for some self-love as the perfect way to take a break from their desks and reduce stress.


But is it actually a good idea for your workplace productivity?

Well, psychologically speaking, yes. Yes it is. Mark Sergeant, a senior lecturer in psychology at Nottingham Trent University, told metro.co.uk that a masturbation break would be ‘very effective at work’, describing it as a ‘great way to relieve tension and stress.’


chick.png

He also thinks that masturbation breaks could be a great form of self-motivational reward, giving workers something to look forward to as a reward for getting everything on their ‘to do’ list ticked off. Psychologist and life coach Dr Cliff Arnall agrees. ‘I would expect a masturbation policy to result in more focus, less aggression, higher productivity, and more smiling,’ he told us.

‘Certainly taking a masturbation break for boredom or an escape would increase work focus.’

Dr Arnall’s main concerns are to do with timing and whether or not you’ll be able to orgasm. He points to the possibility of increased frustration if you’re unable to come, as well as the pressure of needing to get off quickly on your lunch break. There’s also the risk that introducing sexual gratification to your work day could blur lines and open the door to inappropriate behaviour.


Dr Arnall recommends that masturbation breaks shouldn’t be focused on fantasising about a colleague – ‘this is likely to result in cognitive impairment’ – while Dr Sergeant raises concerns that ‘introducing any form of sexual behaviour to a workplace could be seen as a slippery slope that makes people think that other forms of sexual behaviour, such as those linked to harassment, are more acceptable.’ Essentially, masturbation breaks should only be taken if they’re motivated by stress relief and a genuine desire for a break – not if they’re driven by intense lust.

You’ll need to be confident you can orgasm quickly to avoid frustration and actually get the stress-reducing benefits.


untitled.png

It’s also wise to make sure you’re able to get off quietly and discreetly, so you’re not making anyone else feel uncomfortable.

But if you can manage all of these things, a wank break might actually be a pretty wise idea. It’s healthier than a cigarette break, easier than trying to nap in the loos, and – as long as you orgasm – should leave you feeling happier, less stressed, and more focused. It might be a little tricky to get your boss on board with this hot new working trend, mind you. Masturbation is still seen as a taboo subject, – especially for women – and the idea of workers rubbing one out every time they’re away from their desks is likely to put people on edge.

I asked my boss, Lifestyle Editor Holly Royce, how she’d feel about everyone implementing masturbation breaks into their day. She wasn’t particularly keen.

metro
 

skeptic_SA

Executive Member
Joined
Apr 16, 2015
Messages
8,568
#3
Had a gent employed here for 3 months. He would often take extended bathroom breaks. And 90% of the time with his phone. So far so good. We all like to take our digital newspaper with us to the loo no?
But he would make a habit of sneaking his headphones in with him too. On more than one occasion he was observed exiting the cubicle with said earphones still in his ears.
 
Joined
Jan 7, 2010
Messages
45,765
#9
Had a gent employed here for 3 months. He would often take extended bathroom breaks. And 90% of the time with his phone. So far so good. We all like to take our digital newspaper with us to the loo no?
But he would make a habit of sneaking his headphones in with him too. On more than one occasion he was observed exiting the cubicle with said earphones still in his ears.
And that's me too. Listening to music or podcasts while browsing sites.
 

I.am.Sam

rehabilitated troller
Joined
Jun 14, 2011
Messages
81,496
#10
Had a gent employed here for 3 months. He would often take extended bathroom breaks. And 90% of the time with his phone. So far so good. We all like to take our digital newspaper with us to the loo no?
But he would make a habit of sneaking his headphones in with him too. On more than one occasion he was observed exiting the cubicle with said earphones still in his ears.
quite a few people go in with they phones and headphones

and an extended schit is cool until you get dead legs
 

Ho3n3r

Honorary Master
Joined
Apr 5, 2012
Messages
17,067
#11
Had a gent employed here for 3 months. He would often take extended bathroom breaks. And 90% of the time with his phone. So far so good. We all like to take our digital newspaper with us to the loo no?
But he would make a habit of sneaking his headphones in with him too. On more than one occasion he was observed exiting the cubicle with said earphones still in his ears.
So you didn't like him listening to music on the poefpaleis?
 

cn@

Expert Member
Joined
Aug 15, 2016
Messages
2,670
#14
I wouldn't do it. I don't want to be all hot and sweaty when I'm done.

And some women with sharp noses might just smell that you've done something.
 

Fro

Senior Member
Joined
Jan 7, 2014
Messages
850
#16
We wouldn't want that other mybb member's wife thinking he cheated on her when she goes for her daily sniff.
 

Fro

Senior Member
Joined
Jan 7, 2014
Messages
850
#17
It can lead to good results but I think that the long-term negatives will be greater.
 
Last edited:

skeptic_SA

Executive Member
Joined
Apr 16, 2015
Messages
8,568
#19
My biggest concern would be hygiene. Particularly with guys. We all know their aim is not perfect on good days. And that's with a "controllable stream".
Imagine the uncontrolled variety. Add that most porcelain is white. And white fluids on white are not particularly easy to spot. I don't want to be sitting down to take a dump and slide my butt against some w@nkers nutt butter thanks.
 

Baxteen

Honorary Master
Joined
Feb 26, 2013
Messages
17,244
#20
My biggest concern would be hygiene. Particularly with guys. We all know their aim is not perfect on good days. And that's with a "controllable stream".
Imagine the uncontrolled variety. Add that most porcelain is white. And white fluids on white are not particularly easy to spot. I don't want to be sitting down to take a dump and slide my butt against some w@nkers nutt butter thanks.
as a rule I wipe down any seat before I sit down, got into the habbit so long ago I even do it at home.
but that is not because of nut butter but because of EVERYTHING else.

the way I see it, if it becomes publicly acceptable guys will clean up less.
if it stays kind of "meh, rub one out if you need one" then guys will clean up after themselves to not get caught doing it.
 
Top