Single and happy?

[Oculate]

I mean I hate being at home alone any time when im single. I must be out with people every night otherwise I sit and mope over failed relationships, wonder if ill ever find someone to spend my life with, etc ... I pretty much drive myself mad thinking when im on my own. I have no peace just sitting doing something solo.

I've gotten into this sort of habit myself recently

 

[Kitten]

Well that is her loss then voicy, at least you're saving some money along the way!

 

[Kitten]

I know stuffall about relationships but I can tell you this much... girls don't want the safe guy - they want the exciting one. The one that all their friends will be jealous of.

You say you want someone who loves you for you and settles down and whatnot. You don't really. You want someone who will ravage you and make you chase after him instead of someone who treats you like a queen...

It's all about the Stockholm Syndrome (Thanks miss Blu! I've told some of my friends about this one!)

Oh dear voicy, if you only knew how true your words are! Tis the "bad boy" we go for.

 

[CathJ]

I know stuffall about relationships but I can tell you this much... girls don't want the safe guy - they want the exciting one. The one that all their friends will be jealous of.

You say you want someone who loves you for you and settles down and whatnot. You don't really. You want someone who will ravage you and make you chase after him instead of someone who treats you like a queen...

It's all about the Stockholm Syndrome (Thanks miss Blu! I've told some of my friends about this one!)

Don't generalise, voicy. Some girls, maybe even many girls, but not all girls.

 

[capetownguy]

We need a dating culture where you could date different people every week without the expectation of ever talking to them again.

People always expect so much after a date.

 

[AvatarS]

I am fussy too, but for some reason I choose people who are completely wrong for me. I wonder if those I turn down are actually truly right ... mmmmmmm

To me, it sounds like you're actively seeking relationships just because you can't be alone. Maybe you should take the time out and learn to be happy in your own company first. That way, you will be more likely to choose someone who's good for you and who you want to be with, as opposed to someone who's just there.

I can tell you (and I'm going to assume a lot of guys think like this too) that when I start going out with someone who doesn't seem to like their own company and always wants me around, it irritates me. That's just too clingy and annoying and claustrophobia-inducing.

Fear of being alone is not a good enough reason to be in a relationship.

 

[Alan]

I know stuffall about relationships but I can tell you this much... girls don't want the safe guy - they want the exciting one. The one that all their friends will be jealous of.

You say you want someone who loves you for you and settles down and whatnot. You don't really. You want someone who will ravage you and make you chase after him instead of someone who treats you like a queen...

It's all about the Stockholm Syndrome (Thanks miss Blu! I've told some of my friends about this one!)

I'm affraid that is often the case. Then after a decade he losses interest in her and cheats, then all men are pigs

Don't generalise, voicy. Some girls, maybe even many girls, but not all girls.

Yeah but they're not the attractive ones

 

[AvatarS]

Don't generalise, voicy. Some girls, maybe even many girls, but not all girls.

That was a huge generalisation; you're right.

 

[Voicy]

Well that is her loss then voicy, at least you're saving some money along the way!

Actually with my 20/20 hindsight vision, I think she did me a favour

Oh dear voicy, if you only knew how true your words are! Tis the "bad boy" we go for.

Indeed I do... my brother is the poster child "bad boy". Has a bike, tattoo, 2 nipple rings, a profound ability to write poetry, athletic body and has had more women than some east block countries.

Don't generalize, voicy. Some girls, maybe even many girls, but not all girls.

You're 100% right, I am generalizing. No two snowflakes are alike upon closer inspection - but from a naive perspective they all look the same...

 

[Kitten]

To me, it sounds like you're actively seeking relationships just because you can't be alone. Maybe you should take the time out and learn to be happy in your own company first. That way, you will be more likely to choose someone who's good for you and who you want to be with, as opposed to someone who's just there.

I can tell you (and I'm going to assume a lot of guys think like this too) that when I start going out with someone who doesn't seem to like their own company and always wants me around, it irritates me. That's just too clingy and annoying and claustrophobia-inducing.

Fear of being alone is not a good enough reason to be in a relationship.

its not like that at all ... when im in a relationship i truly love my own company, and enjoy my own space. Im not the type who has to drag someone shopping, and see them 5 times a week. I just like knowing that at the end of the day, i wont be dying alone. I seem to choose the bad boys, and realise its not what im looking for.

 

[Kitten]

To me a relationship is not about the constant time spent together, its memories created and experiences shared. Ive recently seen what its like to be controlled, and my goodness I never want that again. I will not be controlled, nor would i ever try control someone else.

But yeah, the fear of being alone gets to me, as i dont have the largest friend base to share times with.

 

[AvatarS]

You're 100% right, I am generalising. No two snowflakes are alike upon closer inspection - but from a naive perspective they all look the same...

We generally use the British spelling instead of the American spelling in this country . Of course, you are allowed to use the z instead of the s as long as you're keeping it consistent.

 

[CathJ]

Yeah but they're not the attractive ones

Thanks for insult, Alan.

 

[Oculate]

But yeah, the fear of being alone gets to me, as i dont have the largest friend base to share times with.

I seem to find myself agreeing to a lot your saying

 

[Jewelbox]

Single and happy? Well, when I was married, I was very happy, but since my husband passed away, I am single and yes I am still happy!

 

[AvatarS]

To me a relationship is not about the constant time spent together, its memories created and experiences shared. Ive recently seen what its like to be controlled, and my goodness I never want that again. I will not be controlled, nor would i ever try control someone else.

But yeah, the fear of being alone gets to me, as i dont have the largest friend base to share times with.

Suggest you have a look here

 

[Voicy]

To me, it sounds like you're actively seeking relationships just because you can't be alone. Maybe you should take the time out and learn to be happy in your own company first. That way, you will be more likely to choose someone who's good for you and who you want to be with, as opposed to someone who's just there.

I can tell you (and I'm going to assume a lot of guys think like this too) that when I start going out with someone who doesn't seem to like their own company and always wants me around, it irritates me. That's just too clingy and annoying and claustrophobia-inducing.

Fear of being alone is not a good enough reason to be in a relationship.

Don't be too hard on Kitten, she may not be to blame as much as she thinks...

One benefit of being alone is that I get to do a great deal of random pondering and I've thought about this same topic:

When you are alone, you get used to your own company, your own way of doing things, your own way of dealing with friends, family and strangers, your own way of presenting yourself, your own way of dealing with enjoyment and misery...

Now you find love and all of a sardine your singularity gets shattered. You have to re-acquaint yourself with you as a partner, no longer a rogue entity. For obvious reasons you can no longer conduct yourself and all above-mentioned topics in exactly the same fashion as you used to.

This is where problems arise and people say "you've changed, you were so much cooler when we met" - yes, because you met as singularities. Not as partners...

-flip side of the coin-

If you've constantly had boyfriends/girlfriends since early school days and you jumped from one relationship to the next without a real moment of personal growth in between, then it would make logical sense that you have acquired the skill/feel for co-existence. Ergo, when you are single - you feel out of place. Your comfort zone is not your own company, but that of others.

Please tell me if I'm completely wrong here, as I'd love input from differing perspectives.

 

[Alan]

Thanks for insult, Alan.

Relax it's only a joke

 

[CathJ]

To me a relationship is not about the constant time spent together, its memories created and experiences shared. Ive recently seen what its like to be controlled, and my goodness I never want that again. I will not be controlled, nor would i ever try control someone else.

But yeah, the fear of being alone gets to me, as i dont have the largest friend base to share times with.

That's true (and yeah, your second point is really a big issue for me as well).

But I've had a long-term relationship break down because we grew apart - time spent apart, and major experiences not shared, can lead to you both growing in different directions. Of course I'm not talking about going shopping without your SO More on the scale of going to another country for a month or two.

 

[Voicy]

We generally use the British spelling instead of the American spelling in this country . Of course, you are allowed to use the z instead of the s as long as you're keeping it consistent.

I was doing that on purpose just to erk you