The whatnow dilemma:

In the bigger scheme of things there is nothing wrong with doing it, the issue is whether you can life with yourself (after being caught). Just thought I would throw that out there.
 
I'd tell the wife and then warn the ex that she's running the risk of a sexual harassment case. Rather deal with the wifes' reaction on your terms, than having wife somehow find out (read: jilted ex) and then having to deal with the fallout.
 
whatnow34 said:
My dilemma now is whether or not to tell my wife about it. My wife is extremely sensitive about other women. She's not jealous but she was very badly hurt by an affair type situation in the past and she takes serious strain over this kind of thing.
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Was it during your relationship?
 
even if you did nothing. if she finds out some other way u will be in deep dudu! bite the bullet and tell her. an immoral woman will destroy a married mans life in the blink of an eye.
 
whatnow34 said:
(Posting under a new/fake account for reasons that should be obvious below)

When I was in 'varisty (about 12 years ago) I dated a girl for 6 months. We broke up and did not keep in contact after we studied. The same girl, now all grown up, recently joined the company that I work for. We're colleagues in different teams but in the same division and at similar level in the business. In the past month we've had to work together on a piece of work so each each other at least twice a week. The meetings are normally 1-on-1 so we tend to chat about the past in-between getting the work done.

Last week she told me directly that she thought we should have a no-stings, just physical affair. She's single at the moment, never been married and she said she looking for just the s3x part - I think I believe her about that. I turned her down. An affair is completely not of bounds for me but she's made a few hints since then that she's still game if I change my mind.

My dilemma now is whether or not to tell my wife about it. My wife is extremely sensitive about other women. She's not jealous but she was very badly hurt by an affair type situation in the past and she takes serious strain over this kind of thing. It would mean at least a few weeks of strained relations at home. It may not be fair on me etc but it's how it is and I've learned how no to rock the boat. This would would equivalent to capsizing the boat. We'd be able to right the boat and get back in but we'd get very uncomfortable in the process. (At least it wasn't a car analogy!).
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I think you need to elaborate a bit more on those points.

Firstly I would go straight to HR just to get advice. Perhaps they cam make sure that you don't have to work together... also they will understand the situation better when it becomes a problem.

I think that because of the issues your wife has its not going to be wise to tell her... perhaps nothing comes of this then you made a problem for no reason. If it becomes a problem (issues at work/stalking) then you need to explain the story to her. I would tell my wife about things like that but there has never been infidelity between us and we are open about these things.... might be different for you.
 
If you've explained to your ex that nothing will happen between you two and she is mature enough to move on, then why get HR and your wife involved? She made a proposal - you turned it down - move on. If on the other hand she gets a little psycho on you, by all means report it and let your wife know about it too...
 
How is it going to benefit you by being "noble" and informing your wife about an incident that you know she is going to react badly to no matter what?

What she doesn't know can't hurt her. Why would you want to hurt your wife?
 
Ask the wife if she's up for a threesome...
 
Tell her to go find a guy that isn't involved with anyone for no strings attached, there are loads of guys who would be fine with that, obviously. Tell her to stop being such a woman, always wanting what someone else has.
 
DJ... said:
I will only provide constructive input once you have PMd me your co-worker's details...:D
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Funny you should say that. I actually tried to set her up with two of my single mates by having them come to a work function and making sure she knew they where available. She didn't take the bait. She said later that week they seemed nice but desperate.
 
Dont tell her, make it clear to your colleague that you're not up for grabs. Do realise that women are the type of beings who overthink things, if you told her the truth, what type of rediculous conclusion would she come to? Ill throw a simulated chain of thought of a typical women who has just been told that a work colleague is making moves on her man

"Why did my hubby just tell me that?"
"I wonder how long he is going to have these 1-on-1 meetings for?"
"He must be flirtatious with her since shes kinda keen on having an affair with my man"
"He must've told me to just ease his own conscious. He is probably doing something worse than flirting"
"Oh god they must be hooking up between lunch breaks, OMG"
"I'm married to a cheater"

^---- all of this can happen within the space of a couple of days.

GL OP
 
CrazYmonkeY159 said:
Dont tell her, make it clear to your colleague that you're not up for grabs. Do realise that women are the type of beings who overthink things, if you told her the truth, what type of rediculous conclusion would she come to? Ill throw a simulated chain of thought of a typical women who has just been told that a work colleague is making moves on her man

"Why did my hubby just tell me that?"
"I wonder how long he is going to have these 1-on-1 meetings for?"
"He must be flirtatious with her since shes kinda keen on having an affair with my man"
"He must've told me to just ease his own conscious. He is probably doing something worse than flirting"
"Oh god they must be hooking up between lunch breaks, OMG"
"I'm married to a cheater"

^---- all of this can happen within the space of a couple of days.

GL OP
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In a womans mind all of that will happen within a minute...
 
Why do guys put up with **** like this from their wives? Your wife is so insecure that you have debate telling her things for fear of the fall out? Send her for therapy.
 
Don't tell her. Women tend to overanalyse these things and it will probably cause just as much of an issue if you tell her now as opposed to later.
 
rorz0r said:
In a womans mind all of that will happen within a minute...
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Ja, chicks minds all work exactly the same. Good thing they dont wear uniforms else we'd never be able to tell them apart.
 
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