The whatnow dilemma:

Don't see why you must tell your wife if you have no intention to do anything with this lady.Probably will cause more kark for you if you tell her.
 
All of you people are saying 'run to mommy HR' and sexuall harrasment,wtf?? The lady asked him ONCE if he is up for it, he said no so whats the big deal? If she asks again and again then you take it further. Dont try and **** up someones life/career just because you are an *******.
 
whatnow34 said:
(Posting under a new/fake account for reasons that should be obvious below)

When I was in 'varisty (about 12 years ago) I dated a girl for 6 months. We broke up and did not keep in contact after we studied. The same girl, now all grown up, recently joined the company that I work for. We're colleagues in different teams but in the same division and at similar level in the business. In the past month we've had to work together on a piece of work so each each other at least twice a week. The meetings are normally 1-on-1 so we tend to chat about the past in-between getting the work done.

Last week she told me directly that she thought we should have a no-stings, just physical affair. She's single at the moment, never been married and she said she looking for just the s3x part - I think I believe her about that. I turned her down. An affair is completely OUT of bounds for me but she's made a few hints since then that she's still game if I change my mind.

My dilemma now is whether or not to tell my wife about it. My wife is extremely sensitive about other women. She's not jealous but she was very badly hurt by an affair type situation in the past and she takes serious strain over this kind of thing. It would mean at least a few weeks of strained relations at home. It may not be fair on me etc but it's how it is and I've learned how no to rock the boat. This would would equivalent to capsizing the boat. We'd be able to right the boat and get back in but we'd get very uncomfortable in the process. (At least it wasn't a car analogy!).
Click to expand...

One thing I've learned is that you should keep **** like that to yourself. If you know it will upset her, there is no reason to tell her anything since you didn't do anything. Women do that to men all the time (but for worse reasons, like they already ****ed 20 guys and "don't want to hurt your feelings" and "still love you" because "you're so great to them")

Turn the girl down again, but politely indicate you're happily married and have no problem filing a sexual harassment case against her if she persists on something that you clearly do not want. If she insists I'd just let my boss know I can't work with her because of some made-up excuse.
 
Either that or ask your wife if she wants a 3some some day to experiment with or whatever (obviously wait for a sexy moment). Then lay that **** on the girl at the office and do it like that. No need to hide
 
satanboy said:
In the bigger scheme of things there is nothing wrong with doing it, the issue is whether you can life with yourself (after being caught). Just thought I would throw that out there.
Click to expand...

I'm sure he can live with himself. Trust me when I say this ****... oversharing kak like this to a woman will only make it worse on you in the long run. Because for every fight you'll ever have as a couple THIS will be brought up and re-fought

People here that says "tell her" knows ****all about women and should go back to school.

If he cheated on her, I'd say yes. Tell her that you're a cheating bastard and move on from there. But he didn't do anything and just doesn't want to upset her unnecessarily. Hard lesson to learn but the truth.
 
Tell your wife AND tell her why you choose not to have the affiar, i.e. how you love her and are committed to your relationship.
 
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you by the court (of women). Come home late and it's because "she" must also be working late, forget about one of those ridiculous anniversaries only women recall and it's because you're thinking of "her", leave the toilet seat up once too many times and it's because that's something "she" would let you do.
 
Last edited:
blunomore said:
Tell your wife AND tell her why you choose not to have the affiar, i.e. how you love her and are committed to your relationship.
Click to expand...

Why? If he's not doing anything he shouldn't tell her anything.

I say don't tell her man. You'll never work late or go for company function etc. again without being suspected of being a liar and a cheat. Stop trying to score points on something that can VERY easily backfire. She'll hate your company and every female you work with!

You know what? Maybe you should tell her, it's more fun for the viewers.

Let.It.Be.
 
b_crazy said:
Why? If he's not doing anything he shouldn't tell her anything.

I say don't tell her man. You'll never work late or go for company function etc. again without being suspected of being a liar and a cheat. Stop trying to score points on something that can VERY easily backfire. She'll hate your company and every female you work with!

You know what? Maybe you should tell her, it's more fun for the viewers.

Let.It.Be.
Click to expand...

If there is trust between them, he ought to be able to tell her.
 
bwana said:
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you by the court (of women). Come home late and it's because "she" must also be working late, forget about one of those ridiculous anniversaries only women recall and it's because you're thinking of "her", leave the toilet seat up once too many times and it's because that's something "she" would let you do.
Click to expand...

Lol, sounds like you had had this happen to you a time or two...

blunomore said:
If there is trust between them, he ought to be able to tell her.
Click to expand...

Very few people have ultimate trust. My GF trusts me 100% but there are somethings I do not tell her because there is just no point to it and it will only lead to misunderstandings and wondering thoughts(Now or at a later date).
 
blunomore said:
If there is trust between them, he ought to be able to tell her.
Click to expand...

Agreed. If he can't tell her something as "unimportant" as this, I'd hate to see what he does with the important stuff.

The fact is: When the truth comes out (and it does 99% of the time) he will be in a world of hurt/pain/distrust compared to just getting it over-and-done-with.
Just imagine for a second how she will react if (when) this information comes from someone else and not him.

@ whatnow34 : Have you decided on a course of action?
 
Devill said:
Lol, sounds like you had had this happen to you a time or two...
Click to expand...
Oh yeah, women seem to remember anything you've ever done and are able to pull references out of thin air to use against you, even it was something completely unrelated to the matter at hand. Hell, sometime these references to past deeds are so obscure she could be making them up and I wouldn't know. :eek:
 
bwana said:
Oh yeah, women seem to remember anything you've ever done and are able to pull references out of thin air to use against you, even it was something completely unrelated to the matter at hand. Hell, sometime these references to past deeds are so obscure she could be making them up and I wouldn't know. :eek:
Click to expand...

Lol. Yeah they do tend to do that.

Let sleeping dogs lie ;)
 
Devill said:
Lol. Yeah they do tend to do that.

Let sleeping dogs lie ;)
Click to expand...
Exactly. The chances of the OPs wife finding out are slim - the chances of her being hurt by the information are definite.

On the off-chance that she finds out from a third party that the woman in qn threw herself at the OP and he flat out rejected her - bonus points for the OP.
 
Dear OP.

Unfortunately this is a Lose/Lose situation for you.

The best thing you can do is not make a big thing about this and move on.
There is really nothing to tell your wife.
You do need to make it clear to Ms. Slutty Slutslutt that you are not interested in someone that is willing to ruin another person's life to satisfy her own needs.
I would personally advise Ms. Slutty Slutslutt that you are in your rights to report her to the CCMA for sexual harassment.

I strongly suggest that you dont work with her again, it will just complimate matters.
 
OP, I'm just wondering, you've been working closely with your ex for the last month and also been working together in the same company for some time before that. Does your wife know this? If not, I'd say we're not getting the full story.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top
Sign up to the MyBroadband newsletter
X