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Why do girls not like being treated nice?
- Thread starter Ancalagon
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Nick333
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Like Picard says (sorta) it's a value thing. If you're making all the effort you're sending the message that she has more value than you. Women are attracted to men that have a higher value than themselves. Your confidence is probably what attracted her to you in the first place, now its being outweighed by your willingness to always please her. It's not a case of liking being treated badly, its a case of being treated too well if that makes sense.
While women are perfectly capable of thinking rationally, they tend to "think" emotionally. While your treating her like a princess makes her fell valuable, sub-consciously it makes you seem less valuable than her.
Rarity and unavailability adds value to anything (think gold and diamonds).
Your always being available also makes her feel as though you have nothing else of importance in your life. If you had other things demanding your time (hobbies etc.) she would feel that the time you did spend with her had more value. We always want what is harder to get more than what is easy to get.
While women are perfectly capable of thinking rationally, they tend to "think" emotionally. While your treating her like a princess makes her fell valuable, sub-consciously it makes you seem less valuable than her.
Rarity and unavailability adds value to anything (think gold and diamonds).
Your always being available also makes her feel as though you have nothing else of importance in your life. If you had other things demanding your time (hobbies etc.) she would feel that the time you did spend with her had more value. We always want what is harder to get more than what is easy to get.
I hate that! Just tell me whats wrong FFS! And they say women are better communicators than men, bool sheet!
I'm 26 and shes a few months older. We're practically the same age.
I dont think this will work since I have a higher sex drive than her.
Maybe that has something to do with it. I dont think I'm being a wussy by wanting to please her. I think I would be being a wussy if I had zero confidence and wanted to please her because of my feelings of inadequacy. But I dont feel inadequate, I just like spending time around her.
Nonetheless, maybe thats whats happening. I think I might talk with her about it tonight though.
Nick333
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I dunno if you should talk to her about it in these terms. I'm not encouraging you to be dishonest, but bear in mind that not sharing every thought and feeling with her is not dishonesty. And don't forget that she probably hasn't given this much thought herself and she might just find some way to rationalise it that makes you look like a dork. Discussing things rationally with women is often a bad idea especially if there is any sort of implication they are in the wrong. They'll see you're right and agree with you, but as soon as they've had a chance to think about it their emotions will take over and they'll rationalise it in a way that matches their emotions. After that no amount of reason and logic will change their mind.
Maybe just say that while you love spending time with her you feel as though you've been neglecting your friends or hobbies or whatever. You could even tell her you just feel the need for some alone time, sleeping in your own bed, playing games, etc. She might just decide that she wants to get involved in whatever you want to do and thats a cool thing as long as it's you leading the way. If not, just go off and do whatever without her.
It's not about treating her badly its about you having parts of your life that are almost as important to you as she is.
medicnick83
Paramedic
Good advice!
She needs to miss you.
You need to miss her.
It's great to spend time with each other, but that stupid ass saying of 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' is true.
medicnick83
Paramedic
Mostly crap advice.
My useless 2c are as follows.
If you want something, tell her. She is not a mind reader. You are playing silly childish games. Walk up to her, tell what you want, and how you feel. If you suddenly become distant or aloof, she will think the absolute worst, and its ruined.
If you want something, tell her. Don't make her guess, and then feel guilty for not guessing right. It's dumb.
My useless 2c are as follows.
If you want something, tell her. She is not a mind reader. You are playing silly childish games. Walk up to her, tell what you want, and how you feel. If you suddenly become distant or aloof, she will think the absolute worst, and its ruined.
If you want something, tell her. Don't make her guess, and then feel guilty for not guessing right. It's dumb.
medicnick83
Paramedic
He has a point... but sometimes this can turn out for the worst - but hey, give it a go.
Nick333
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Problem is what he wants is for her to show that she is attracted to him and willing to put in some effort to be with him instead of just just enjoying his attention and what he does for her.
"So honey, can we talk? I want you to show me that you're attracted to me and willing to put in some effort to be with me instead of just enjoying my attention and what I do for you."
How is she supposed to respond to that? There's only one way she can without being a complete bitch and thats by being agreeable. Whether she acts on that or knows how is another thing.
No ones proposing he play games or expecting her to guess anything. I'm saying he should do what he should have done from the start which is to have a life beyond her. She needs to do whatever comes naturally which, hopefully, is showing some appreciation of his valuable time and effort. If she insists on treating him like a flunky regardless then screw her basically.
sand_man
Honorary Master
Shes off you dude. End it tonight.
I think it's more the case of the novelty has worn off. 6 weeks is a bit early though.
Yep...totally pu$$y whipped. Girlfriend is now the d#ck in the relationship.
Byrd
Well-Known Member
Relationships are about communication. Conflicts are continually arising which need to be negotiated. This can only be done successfully if you have good communication skills. I suggest learning some, read some books on the subject. If one person in the relationship can listen and speak effectively it has a chance. If neither do there is little chance it will survive.
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Hahahaa!!!!
Whenever you feel like sending her a message, don't.
Whenever you feel like calling her, don't.
Go out with your friends tonight, find something to do or whatever, then go sleep at your own goddang place.
You are being clingy, everybody hates that.
Find something you hate about her, that'll kick you off in the right direction! If you can't and she's Miss Perfect then you've got serious issues.
My communication skills are perfectly fine, thanks very much. Like I said, men are better communicators anyway.
Not that communication isnt an issue here - it clearly is.
No, I'm not. We've been apart since yesterday morning, and already she has told me she misses me, twice.
Its very early in the relationship. 6 weeks is nothing. You need to show her who the man is from the start. You need to start being an A$$4ole towards her. Dont answer her calls, go missing for a few days, ignore her. Tell her you are going through something. Unless she has someone else in mind, she will start to beg for your attention. After a few days of this, give in and watch how your relationship blossoms into something beautiful. 
JerryMungo
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I'm with this short but to the point suggestion
If she reacts negatively to speaking up then you have a real problem. Relationships that are based on proper communication tend to do better. Guys are just as guilty as girls for assuming they should know what you are thinking or feeling. Fact is that physiologically we do things differently and for different reasons. She needs to understand how his mind works, he needs to understand how her mind works. Neither of you must assume anything in what your partner wants.
Sure she sounds like she is being lazy, but tbh you need to give her a reason to work for your affection I think. Perhaps she is generally lazy but the bottom line is if she's not going to work for you then she's just not that into you. Rather get it to a head and sort it now than drift another year or more before the wheels fall off.
You seem like a reasonable guy, you have no reason not to be direct about this... but obviously be prepared to deal with her feelings too - try to be gentle but without losing the point.
This guy has some awesome psych insight for guys and girls... really good stuff.
[video=youtube;0BxckAMaTDc]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BxckAMaTDc[/video]
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That's cool. Stop expecting her to sms you first in the morning. Focus on your work etc. and call or sms when you absolutely have to. Don't make the morning sms or the night call religious. You still need to keep her guessing. You might be getting too predictable.
Oh, your nose is brown, wipe it.
Its very early in the relationship. 6 weeks is nothing. You need to show her who the man is from the start. You need to start being an A$$4ole towards her. Dont answer her calls, go missing for a few days, ignore her. Tell her you are going through something. Unless she has someone else in mind, she will start to beg for your attention. After a few days of this, give in and watch how your relationship blossoms into something beautiful.
^^^
THIS
Nick333
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That's good news, try not see her till the weekend then invite her to your place. Let her drive herself.