Wife issues [Solved]

SauRoNZA said:
Bear in mind I never said he should suffer in silence.

I didn't dissuade him from having the conversation.

I simply stated that admitting to snooping on her phone is already a breaking of trust on his part long before he can accuse her of breaking trust on hers.

The conversations should be had, he can just try to keep it a little clean from his end.
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Yeah, I am also a little bit torn about admitting the snooping part.

But I can tell you, lying is just as bad. It's better to just come out with the truth as you should know (as you have been married for a while I believe) that the truth always comes out eventually.
 
The fact that shes doing it in secret and being overprotective of her phone speaks volumes of where this is heading.

Marriage is undoubtedly on a slippery slope so I'm afraid you might need to go for counselling.
 
RedViking said:
Sheesh. Crappy situation to be in. Start with having a conversation with her and confronting the issue. Nothing has happened yet by the looks of it so there is time to work on the relationship. Don't be like the drolle here who have no respect for marriage or relationships in general. Marriage is hard work and sometimes you have to confront some issues. Obviously both of you are gonna have to be able to listen to each other and talk about issues that has been ignored for a long time. Do it now before it goes further.
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This ^
Don't listen to these other idiots... It's easy to come run your mouth here when it's not your wife and kids potentially being torn apart.

It's an awful position to be in. Bottom line is that it's not going to sort itself out and neither is pretending that it doesn't exist. You have no other option really, than to speak to your wife. It's going to be uncomfortable and she's going to try turn it on you for snooping on her phone (likely) but there's bigger problems at hand here and she should be reminded of that, if that's the case.
Talking it out is all you can do and as hard as it will be, you need to keep a level head and keep your shite together when you have that talk! As RedViking said, nothing has happened yet (from what we can see), so get that talk out the way ASAP, while things can still be fixed.

I wish you luck and truly hope that you manage to sort this out, for the sake of your family. Keep that chin up bud.
 
The_MAC said:
Not sure why anyone feels that this is even a factor - signs led him to investigate, nothing else.
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I personally don't care if my girlfriend goes through my phone, I don't have anything to hide but I know many people who don't feel the same way and their trust is broken when you delve in to what they believe is private to them.
 
Emjay said:
Yeah, I am also a little bit torn about admitting the snooping part.

But I can tell you, lying is just as bad. It's better to just come out with the truth as you should know (as you have been married for a while I believe) that the truth always comes out eventually.
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There is no truth that comes out eventually because we don't get hung up on this teenager bullshit in the first place.

I have open access to my wife's phone and email and yet have no inclination to need to see what's going on there.
 
SauRoNZA said:
There is no truth that comes out eventually because we don't get hung up on this teenager bullshit in the first place.

I have open access to my wife's phone and email and yet have no inclination to need to see what's going on there.
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That does not mean their set up is the same. My husband does not have open access to my stuff. He can go look if he wants as he can get access to my home PC. My phone however is locked, and my work laptop is super secure. If he went out of his way to gain access to those devices, I would treat it as a violation of trust. If he did it and then lied to me about it, it's even worse.

This is not teenager stuff. His wife is talking about meeting up with her ex boyfriend. And she is being secretive about it. I am not sure how you can put this down to teenager shenanigans when there are two kids involved.
 
I've got no problems with my wife having access to my phone, pc or whatever don't have anything to hide.
 
WaxLyrical said:
The fact that shes doing it in secret and being overprotective of her phone speaks volumes of where this is heading.

Marriage is undoubtedly on a slippery slope so I'm afraid you might need to go for counselling.
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And yet no one ever ponders why a woman would feel the need to do things in secret and be overprotective of her phone for was is ultimately a pretty innocent conversation.

Oh, how different things would be if women were just allowed a little freedom of expression.
 
My 10c.

Keyloggers, screenshots etc is a bad idea. When I suspected something fishy with my ex-wife I installed a keylogger and found what I really didn't want to find. That just made it worse when I confronted her.
We spoke and cleared the air and she told me she wasnt happy. We tried but alas the other guy still had a bigger dik than me.

I am now 6 years happily divorced.

P.S. We also have 2 kids together

Bottom line. DONT SNOOP, JUST ASK HER STRAIGHT
 
I was actually on the other side of this once.
I told the wife I was talking to an ex, and she was okish about it. But I started being sneaky about it.
So she checked my phone and I had deleted all my messages. So she confronted me and ofc we had an argument.

Was she right to check my phone? Not really, but then again I WAS being an ass.
She said I can talk to my ex, but I must just be open about it. (I think that's one of those things woman say when its actually not OK?)
I've never had a lock on my phone, and now I make a point of leaving it where she is free to read all my messages if she likes. I still have the odd convo with the ex but it's all above board.

The end result, she rightly doesn't trust me as much anymore, and I'm not sure she ever will totally.
 
Emjay said:
That does not mean their set up is the same. My husband does not have open access to my stuff. He can go look if he wants as he can get access to my home PC. My phone however is locked, and my work laptop is super secure. If he went out of his way to gain access to those devices, I would treat it as a violation of trust. If he did it and then lied to me about it, it's even worse.
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That is exactly why I said bringing up the snooping is not a great idea for that very violation of trust you mention.

This is not teenager stuff. His wife is talking about meeting up with her ex boyfriend. And she is being secretive about it. I am not sure how you can put this down to teenager shenanigans when there are two kids involved.
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And likely the only reason she is being secretive about it is because the husband is super overprotective and can't deal.

Nothing amounts to them ****ing each other's brains out. If that were the case there would have been a lot more in that conversation.

Do you think she hasn't thought about the kids? All the more reason why this is probably much ado about nothing.

I find most of these situations are caused by the husbands themselves trying to hold down their wives to a ridiculous standard that often doesn't apply to themselves.

The reason I call it teenager bullshit is because that controlled expectation of other people is rooted in very juvenile approach to life.
 
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