Wife issues [Solved]

bromster said:
DO NOT screenshot phones. Do not install keyloggers. Do not confront her on the contents of her private phone. Do not violate her trust or privacy. This is a very slippery slope and will work against your relationship in the long run. It also heightens the emotions, which often leads to rash things being done or said.

Women will not cheat on a spouse as easily as a man.

Take time to compose yourself and think about the best way forward for you both. This most certainly doesn't include snooping through messages and photos. Only take action once you are certain of your plan of action. If she sleeps with him in the interim, so be it. Remain fair and logical and you will achieve the best possible outcome.

In your situation, I suspect that the next step might be to WAIT for another time where she is defensive over her phone and question that first. "Babe, I'm concerned that you're quite defensive over me seeing your phone lately and that is out of character for you. I trust you completely, but it's just giving me weird vibes. Is everything ok?"

Lastly, don't listen to online advice for a personal problem. None of us know your relationship better than you. There are no rules to fixing marriages. Just hard work and mutual trust. Hence I suggested earlier that you do not violate the trust of your relationship. This will be the cornerstone of your happiness in the long term. Good luck, sir.
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This.

The very admittance of a suspicion of something going on (while likely nothing at all has happened) can do as much damage as her actually having gone for it and cheated.

If she thinks you don't trust her when she did nothing wrong she might as well have done it.

I would also rather just ask why she's been so cagey about her phone of late and hope that she volunteers the information so that you don't need to break the trust (or admit you've already broken it) and then take it from there.

If she's still not forthcoming about it then you can take the plunge.

At this point, the chat is pretty much a non-event. Hardly something to be having a fit over or even creating a thread on the internet. The repercussions of bringing it up with assumptions in place, could be dire though and more so than any potential event that could have happened.

It says a lot more about what OP thinks his wife is capable of, that any actual action on her part.
 
bromster said:
DO NOT screenshot phones. Do not install keyloggers. Do not confront her on the contents of her private phone. Do not violate her trust or privacy. This is a very slippery slope and will work against your relationship in the long run. It also heightens the emotions, which often leads to rash things being done or said.

Women will not cheat on a spouse as easily as a man.

Take time to compose yourself and think about the best way forward for you both. This most certainly doesn't include snooping through messages and photos. Only take action once you are certain of your plan of action. If she sleeps with him in the interim, so be it. Remain fair and logical and you will achieve the best possible outcome.

In your situation, I suspect that the next step might be to WAIT for another time where she is defensive over her phone and question that first. "Babe, I'm concerned that you're quite defensive over me seeing your phone lately and that is out of character for you. I trust you completely, but it's just giving me weird vibes. Is everything ok?"

Lastly, don't listen to online advice for a personal problem. None of us know your relationship better than you. There are no rules to fixing marriages. Just hard work and mutual trust. Hence I suggested earlier that you do not violate the trust of your relationship. This will be the cornerstone of your happiness in the long term. Good luck, sir.
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She violate the trust, so its beyond that. I guess the rules changed now. I hear what u saying but i guess its confrontation and deal with it time.
 
Problem is she knows there something up since I have been acting cold since last night.

Also did not sleep the entire night which is out of character for me since I sleep like a rock.

We just moved into a new house as well.
 
bromster said:
DO NOT screenshot phones. Do not install keyloggers. Do not confront her on the contents of her private phone. Do not violate her trust or privacy. This is a very slippery slope and will work against your relationship in the long run. It also heightens the emotions, which often leads to rash things being done or said.

Women will not cheat on a spouse as easily as a man.

Take time to compose yourself and think about the best way forward for you both. This most certainly doesn't include snooping through messages and photos. Only take action once you are certain of your plan of action. If she sleeps with him in the interim, so be it. Remain fair and logical and you will achieve the best possible outcome.

In your situation, I suspect that the next step might be to WAIT for another time where she is defensive over her phone and question that first. "Babe, I'm concerned that you're quite defensive over me seeing your phone lately and that is out of character for you. I trust you completely, but it's just giving me weird vibes. Is everything ok?" Once again, do not orchestrate the situation, just relax yourself and wait for the right time. As hard as it may seem, try to remain calm and don't work yourself up. It may still be for nothing.

Lastly, don't listen to online advice for a personal problem. None of us know your relationship better than you. There are no rules to fixing marriages. Just hard work and mutual trust. Hence I suggested earlier that you do not violate the trust of your relationship. This will be the cornerstone of your happiness in the long term. Good luck, sir.
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There is trust broken on both sides. Both of them will need to rebuild that, but it's not fair for the OP to have to squash his feelings. This is a surefire way to become resentful.
 
SauRoNZA said:
It's not even about personal privacy as much as it can be about the privacy of others. Like your wife's friend telling her something in confidence that you become privy to through snooping.
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My wife tells me everything, we simply cannot keep anything away from each other - no need for privacy, except when I am throwing up in the toilet, then I prefer to be left alone
 
Dirtdiver said:
She violate the trust, so its beyond that. I guess the rules changed now. I hear what u saying but i guess its confrontation and deal with it time.
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What exactly did she do that violates trust? Is she not allowed to talk to other people?
 
My POA might be this.

Act like normal.

Ask her for her phone because I want to see some pics on it. If she's says no go from there. If she says yes, find the mags and ask her about it
 
SauRoNZA said:
What exactly did she do that violates trust? Is she not allowed to talk to other people?
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Well we spoke about her talking to her ex before and she said she won't do it. This was in the 1st year of us dating.

Secondly why are they being flirty and wanting to meet up.
 
Anonymouse123 said:
Problem is she knows there something up since I have been acting cold since last night.

Also did not sleep the entire night which is out of character for me since I sleep like a rock.

We just moved into a new house as well.
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so who is keeping the new house? did you sell the old one to buy this one?
 
The_MAC said:
My wife tells me everything, we simply cannot keep anything away from each other - no need for privacy, except when you are throwing up in the toilet, then I prefer to be left alone
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Aaah but you see that is very different as she gets to volunteer the information to you.

Grabbing her phone and reading her messages (in her absence) is the equivalent of injecting her with truth serum and making her tell you.

And I can guarantee she doesn't tell you EVERYTHING, if for nothing more than some things that simply won't interest you or matter to you.
 
crocopede said:
Which is the same as a fair game? Meaning there is nothing to hide...

FT means in the context of what i said.
Then they can go Go FT. the second part is themselves. Wonder what F stands for.

Also Sauron and the others seem to have no concept of emotional cheating. Let me guess. There is only one kind of cheating. Tsek
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I also feel that it's emotional cheating. It's just so heartbreaking
 
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