Advice on ending a long term relationship

SauRoNZA said:
Then one would have thought you may have learnt something from the experience and it’s not something she’ll just walk herself out of, especially if she’s already so low she’s hardly lifting a finger.

Or are you hoping for a suicide to solve your problems?
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Most posts are worth a reply, this one is not. Good day to you.
 
MagNorthDigital said:
Most posts are worth a reply, this one is not. Good day to you.
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Take heed of the actual message though. She's depressed or has another mental illness (maybe some form of anxiety disorder). It may be manifesting differently to how you've "walked her out of it" before, but her levels of motivation, competency and agency are in "needs therapy and/or psychiatric intervention yesterday" territory.

Deny this if you want, but we warned you here.
 
Nirv said:
Take heed of the actual message though. She's depressed or has another mental illness (maybe some form of anxiety disorder). It may be manifesting differently to how you've "walked her out of it" before, but her levels of motivation, competency and agency are in "needs therapy and/or psychiatric intervention yesterday" territory.

Deny this if you want, but we warned you here.
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Thanks
 
MagNorthDigital said:
Most posts are worth a reply, this one is not. Good day to you.
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And that is a massive mistake on your part.

Most likely the biggest part of the problem here is trying to do things yourself instead of using professional help.

You are as responsible for your current situation as she is. Wanting to leave her to sort herself out says more about you than it does about her.
 
MagNorthDigital said:
Conversation between us is over. Catch a hint.
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Yes indeed, you need to catch a massive hint.

Don’t get angry with me for being right and highlighting your own inadequacies.

Only reason you are responding like this is because I’m closest to the truth you don’t want to admit to yourself.
 
I say B as I was in a similar situation. We dated for a few years and she had a steady modeling/acting job when I met her, but she gave it up the day she moved in with me. She did as little as possible around the home and spent most of her time playing computer games. So I eventually walked out.

I did contact the landlord and pre-paid the rent for 6 months and also left her with enough cash to survive for those 6 months.
 
SauRoNZA said:
Yes indeed, you need to catch a massive hint.

Don’t get angry with me for being right and highlighting your own inadequacies.

Only reason you are responding like this is because I’m closest to the truth you don’t want to admit to yourself.
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Grasping at straws and assumptions. You can stop with your brand of advice now. Don't know what delight you derive from this. But it will not be at my or her expense.

Fin
 
If you have been following your heart for this long and it ... yeah. Follow your head for a bit. Good luck, it is never easy.
 
Perhaps I can provide a view from after the fact. I had a similar situation, and after 10 years I walked away. The first couple of years after the split was difficult for both sides, but we ended up better. The split forced her to step up and sort herself out, she realized she needed professional help and attended to it. She managed to find herself a job, and worked at it (and skilled herself up). Today (10 years later), we are friends (that help each other out when required), she is stable with a decent job, and living with a decent guy (not me). Do I have regrets? Certainly, there will always be, but not enough to rekindle old problems. Am I better off? Certainly. My current partner is my partner through all of the grit and roses, she brings her part in all respects.
 
McRuder said:
Perhaps I can provide a view from after the fact. I had a similar situation, and after 10 years I walked away. The first couple of years after the split was difficult for both sides, but we ended up better. The split forced her to step up and sort herself out, she realized she needed professional help and attended to it. She managed to find herself a job, and worked at it (and skilled herself up). Today (10 years later), we are friends (that help each other out when required), she is stable with a decent job, and living with a decent guy (not me). Do I have regrets? Certainly, there will always be, but not enough to rekindle old problems. Am I better off? Certainly. My current partner is my partner through all of the grit and roses, she brings her part in all respects.
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A case of all's well that ends well. Of course, this path, the one you chose, she chose, was not easy. But by the looks of things, both of you walked away different (arguably better) people. This gives me hope, and paints an interesting picture of what a future could look like.

I am glad to hear your situation resolved the way it did. Thank you for sharing your journey.
 
MagNorthDigital said:
As far as dating, and looking at the market. I rate I'll wait a year. Keep my head down and grind. Rebuild some of my friendships, go visit a faraway land or two.
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Here I thought you were still financially struggling but you actually have multiple overseas holidays planned in the back of your head.

In hindsight I think you were just looking for a reason to ditch her because she became too much of a burden. This is the problem with people who never make the "till death do us part" commitment, they're just vibing in the relationship and when it weighs them down they can easily cut loose.

Also, you have mommy issues. Wanting a GF that buys you secret presents, cooks Christmas lunch, does the house shopping out of her own money and supports you financially is basically a mother figure.
 
With regards to the depressed, mental illness expert......

Sometimes you can do something about it, sometimes you can endure it to a point, however, as difficult and hard it is, there comes a point you have to walk away before you are completely destroyed as well. Threaten you with suicide? That is the moment I turn around and walk away. I will not live as a prisoner in your despair and if you are selfish enough to commit suicide, I will not carry the guilt for it. Sure, it will break my heart and most likely ruin part of me, but I will not burn with you in that kindled fire if you refuse to seek help or do something about it.

I have family who suffer from clinical depression, however the last thing they are is lazy, abusive or sit and do nothing about it. I have a friend who has very bad bipolar and not doing anything about, extremely selfish, you can't live with a person like that. I shared a house with someone who was bitter to the core and did not want to get help or admit there was a problem, it was hell and I do not regret the decision I had to make and don't care where that person is today. Someone very close to me I had to pull from the pit of hell, again he did not sit back and do nothing about it, far from lazy. I can carry on from friends and family who got raped, sick.... they still not lazy and sit back doing nothing.


Anyways, time for some coffee.
 
RedViking said:
That means nothing in todays society. Have you heard about divorce? Have you seen the divorce rate?
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"Laws mean nothing in todays society. Have you heard about crime? Have you seen the crime rate?"

See how stupid it sounds. Just because some people break the law, you don't throw out the law. Same with marriage.
 
RedViking said:
With regards to the depressed, mental illness expert......

Sometimes you can do something about it, sometimes you can endure it to a point, however, as difficult and hard it is, there comes a point you have to walk away before you are completely destroyed as well. Threaten you with suicide? That is the moment I turn around and walk away. I will not live as a prisoner in your despair and if you are selfish enough to commit suicide, I will not carry the guilt for it. Sure, it will break my heart and most likely ruin part of me, but I will not burn with you in that kindled fire if you refuse to seek help or do something about it.

I have family who suffer from clinical depression, however the last thing they are is lazy, abusive or sit and do nothing about it. I have a friend who has very bad bipolar and not doing anything about, extremely selfish, you can't live with a person like that. I shared a house with someone who was bitter to the core and did not want to get help or admit there was a problem, it was hell and I do not regret the decision I had to make and don't care where that person is today. Someone very close to me I had to pull from the pit of hell, again he did not sit back and do nothing about it, far from lazy. I can carry on from friends and family who got raped, sick.... they still not lazy and sit back doing nothing.


Anyways, time for some coffee.
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Sometimes just doing anything new is enough for your brain to create new neural pathways and get a person out of a deep depression.
 
NR7 said:
Here I thought you were still financially struggling but you actually have multiple overseas holidays planned in the back of your head.

In hindsight I think you were just looking for a reason to ditch her because she became too much of a burden. This is the problem with people who never make the "till death do us part" commitment, they're just vibing in the relationship and when it weighs them down they can easily cut loose.

Also, you have mommy issues. Wanting a GF that buys you secret presents, cooks Christmas lunch, does the house shopping out of her own money and supports you financially is basically a mother figure.
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Sure, assume what you want. I can't stop you.

Since your horse is tall, i can only wonder if your relationship would have survived nearly two decades with zero paperwork and bangles. Would you have been strong enough to help your significant other regardless of "promises"

I think I've made it fairly clear why I need her to step up, but it's not for my benefit, it's for hers.

Also, no unfortunately no mother issues, that's a generalization I cannot agree with, or find merit in. Wanting someone to contribute in specific and meaningful ways to a relationship is not "mommy issues". If this was the case, by your definition every woman has daddy issues? Sorry, I don't agree.
 
RedViking said:
With regards to the depressed, mental illness expert......

Sometimes you can do something about it, sometimes you can endure it to a point, however, as difficult and hard it is, there comes a point you have to walk away before you are completely destroyed as well. Threaten you with suicide? That is the moment I turn around and walk away. I will not live as a prisoner in your despair and if you are selfish enough to commit suicide, I will not carry the guilt for it. Sure, it will break my heart and most likely ruin part of me, but I will not burn with you in that kindled fire if you refuse to seek help or do something about it.

I have family who suffer from clinical depression, however the last thing they are is lazy, abusive or sit and do nothing about it. I have a friend who has very bad bipolar and not doing anything about, extremely selfish, you can't live with a person like that. I shared a house with someone who was bitter to the core and did not want to get help or admit there was a problem, it was hell and I do not regret the decision I had to make and don't care where that person is today. Someone very close to me I had to pull from the pit of hell, again he did not sit back and do nothing about it, far from lazy. I can carry on from friends and family who got raped, sick.... they still not lazy and sit back doing nothing.


Anyways, time for some coffee.
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Enjoy the coffee, there should always be time for at least one decent cup a day. :laugh:
 
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