Depression.

[EmmanuelGoldstein]

I went to the wellness centre yesterday.... long session.

Long and short of it is that I am done, done as can be with corporate.
@Brian_G I have some of that list already.
I've been advised to do it in a phased approach while still employed.
I have 14 months- found out today retrenchments will happen November 2027... bastards playing kleva game of moving the offices to places far away, where they know some of us can't reasonably travel to...

 

[EmmanuelGoldstein]

Addendum:
Also found out today that my boss (as I mentioned else where is a A+++ grade *******) actually tried to work me and another colleague out of our jobs, to make space for pals. So far it hasn't worked, because we're tough and we stick together.

We have a secret Whatsapp Group Chat, where we appraise each other daily on where he is, where his suckups are, and what they're doing and what tactics he is employing on either side, since we work in two different offices and two different locations

Not just the ANC... in fact, the ANC learnt this stuff from the former regime.

 

[petum]

I went to the wellness centre yesterday.... long session.

Long and short of it is that I am done, done as can be with corporate.
@Brian_G I have some of that list already.
I've been advised to do it in a phased approach while still employed.
I have 14 months- found out today retrenchments will happen November 2027... bastards playing kleva game of moving the offices to places far away, where they know some of us can't reasonably travel to...

That sucks. Do everything you can do to keep money coming in and even more on a side hustle. Ask Ai. Be honest about skill set and run with it.

But do everything to keep your job, albeit not ideal. Strongs

 

[EmmanuelGoldstein]

That sucks. Do everything you can do to keep money coming in and even more on a side hustle. Ask Ai. Be honest about skill set and run with it.

But do everything to keep your job, albeit not ideal. Strongs

Yes that's the plan.
I am leveraging AI as much as I can, legitimately, not the way some use it.

 

[FiestaST]

There is obviously a massive risk using severance bucks, even a portion, for a side hustle. Trust me I was in this boat & weighed up the options often.

If you go down that path or are forced to try & be 120% sure of framing, approach & some level of projections.

At the same token if could possibly be rewarding af & might even turn into not needing a 9-5er at some point.

 

[EmmanuelGoldstein]

There is obviously a massive risk using severance bucks, even a portion, for a side hustle. Trust me I was in this boat & weighed up the options often.

If you go down that path or are forced to try & be 120% sure of framing, approach & some level of projections.

I want to be self-sufficient to some degree before it happens.
They won't let me go now, not while they're getting stuff out of me, stuff I can't talk about here, but to put a frame of context around it, I am cleaning up the mess another employee left behind, it's a big one.

 

[FiestaST]

I want to be self-sufficient to some degree before it happens.
They won't let me go now, not while they're getting stuff out of me, stuff I can't talk about here, but to put a frame of context around it, I am cleaning up the mess another employee left behind, it's a big one.

Yup I follow. There will never be a silver bullet answer.

 

[Akasha]

It's no joke living in SA. Meds help somewhat. Exercise helps A LOT

I've tried the whole "whatsapp group for encouragement" thing for losing weight/going to gym.

I don't want to be told "You're so great for walking today! Keep it up!" and also not criticized for days I can't actually do it.

I'm on new ADHD meds that have helped a ton regarding my afternoon naps (big fights about it with my husband). Not feeling physically tired through the day anymore, but mentally? I wish I could just sleep for weeks.

There's a very long road to travel, but I think there's a bright light at the end.

Edit: I've been pretending for a long time that I can do things (career wise) that my husband wants me to do, but last week everything went tit';s up. We're trying new approaches now, with more therapists involved. Fun times ahead.

Everything feels so fake. My husband knows and enjoys what he does. He's really smart, I feel really dumb. I have very strong feelings about myself that I'm not gonna share here, but fork me, it's tough to try discover the person I want to be.

Thinking I'm having my mid-life crisis at 33

 

[thestaggy]

Most peeps aren't going to go into that depth of personal subject online.

Only quick way I found to deal with loneliness was to be around people, even strangers. Not a cure but helps.

There is a restaurant/pub near me that is on a lake.

Things have been tough at home lately, and on a recent Sunday morning I just couldn't be at home, because well, it didn't feel like home. So I went to said pub on the lake, ordered a beer, and and sat out on the deck overlooking the water.

This place is peaceful and I sometimes just head out there to take in some fresh air and be with my thoughts. There was a table of much older folks nearby. As they were leaving, one of the men from the table - who must have been in his 70s/80s - stopped at my table, gently tapped it, and said ''Everything will be okay, young man'', and went on his way. I'm not going to lie, I had to choke back tears as soon as he said that, before smiling at him and saying thank you.

At best I glanced at the table once when I walked out onto the deck, but somehow he knew I wasn't okay. I was okay after that, even if only for a little while.

And things like this have happened in the past, where I have gone to a quiet little pub and ended up connecting with complete strangers, most of whom I have never seen again. But in that moment the human connection they offered is exactly what I needed. It is probably not the best environment to be in, as alcohol can make these sorts of feelings so much worse, but I don't go there to drink and forget, but as you said, I go there because I can be around people.

 

[S_L_Y_G_U_Y]

I just drink I know it's a short-term fix but fck it

 

[Akasha]

I feel like I have no future ahead of me. I'm honestly trying, but everything is daunting. Everyone is like "Use AI to make money", but with everyone doing this, you really have to be better than them, and I really don't feel like I am.

My self-esteem is a negative value. My self image is absolutely destroyed. Had a long chat with my husband last week, and he actually realized how I see myself. He doesn't see me that way, but I can't even comprehend how he sees me vs how I see myself.

It's scary to think about how long I've sat with this image of myself and not shared it with him. We've been together for 10+ years and I feel like I can finally open up to him about everything I can think about myself.

There's going to be a lot of therapy in the next few months, but I have to go. I have to start seeing myself as a person.

I mentioned a while ago that we went to his therapist and he said that I need to grow up. The phrase "what do you need" has now become a major trigger for me. My husband has had to stop asking me that because I'd break down and cry every time. ****'s hard yo.

Also, I have such a bad skin breakout because of the stress of the last while, my face looks like it belongs to a 13 year old girl with all these pimples. My arms are looking better now, but they were also recently full of pimples that I pop and then I have these ugly red things on my arms.

I made a mom friend at my kid's school, and she has been so, so helpful. I honestly appreciate her so much. She's very spiritual, they even have a prayer room. I'm not religious/spiritual in any way or form, but having her say that she prays for me is so kind.

Anyway, enough ranting. Back to work

p.s. Money truly is the root of all evil

 

[EmmanuelGoldstein]

Well, @Akasha you have the same feelings I have. No future whatsoever.
Can you imagine, going from a role where I did stuff and everyone was happy, to another where I am pushed into a corner in a factory because they don't like the fact that I don't quite have the fancy degrees they have. Stellenbosch boys are quite something I tell ya..

I see their fukkups, I laugh at their fukkups, but I am not allowed to get involved, help address issues. No sir, no ticket, no play.
And their fukkups have come home to roost, major client cancellations so I sit here doing basic electrical maintenance, while they sit all day debugging code, hastily try and re-hash the electronics, and abuse suppliers to get stuff done ahead of schedule. I am not intending to blow a trumpet but this is what happens when you're 51, have lots of experience and work with 29-30 year olds that seem to have a shortage of common sense.

For the longest time I was very angry about the above, but nowadays I've just got not fvcks left to give.

I have applied for countless jobs, like in the region of 60-70 and the result is the same in most cases.. if I am lucky to get an interview then I get a technical test, which is no problem, then in the interview after that it's some 29-30 year old kid again, who thinks he knows absolutely everything, trying to tell me my code is schitt.. and then the usual, Dear John letter follows.

Some roles, I get a technical interview closer to engineering and I know my stuff there... 2 weeks later.. Dear John letter. Same old AI-written piece of crap they all use nowadays.

Two weeks ago I applied for a role that I found out later is a rather dodgy company that is in SA to dodge regulatory scrutiny in the UK. A friend in the UK told me stuff that, had I known would have made me think twice about applying.

That didn't stop them sending me a Dear John letter where they proceeded to tell me how incompetent I am... and that my work is schit, based off a simple list portfolio of work I'd done the past 10 years. Even went as far as to nitpick a project I delivered in 2023 that was approved in a lab, went to production, and for which I earned a design award.

Then people wonder why I am depressed, why I want to die, and why I feel I have no future. And then, in that, I know why I have to work for myself as fukking hard that is going to be..