Depression.

[Grant]

Clinical depression doesn't work that way. It's not a case of finding something to make you happy, that will make the depression go away, you need to find a way to overcome all those negative feelings that are dragging you down. When you suffer with depression, you can't see past the negativity.

i have never suffered real depression, so i have very little understanding or grasp of it.

i became more personally aware of the severity, or at least it impacted me personally when i went to try assist a youngster who jumped from a building recently (i suspect most here are aware of the couple of threads i created).
since then, i have done a fair bit of research into depression & those for what ever reason, to chose to end their own lives.
the boy's father sent me a detailed 3 page email the other day regards his son & events during the year prior to the incident.
i am not going to discuss the content of the mail, but essentially there were no real, or signs of any "triggers" that led up to him taking his own life.

the mistaken assumption on my part, is that there must be something, anything, that could possibly make one happy (or happier), no matter how depressed one actually may be.

a friend of mine is a psychiatrist (gavin hendricks), who used to sometimes consult at valkenburg hosp.
we often had discussions regards things his patients (obviously not by name) would sometimes go through, but unfortunately depression was never really one of the subjects of discussions - a lost opportunity for me i guess, as he now practices in the uk.

 

[heartbroken]

seems quite a few people suffering here.

i am not going to ask you why, sometimes people are even unsure as to why, but may i ask you all this - what would make you happy.
there has to be something for everyone, be it love, fame, fortune - or whatever.

heartbroken, garson, copa, sts - what could make you happy ?

That's the big one. If only I knew. Like the other guys said, it's mostly a chemical thing, combined with feelings and thoughts (mostly made up ones I must say). The thing with feeling like this is, it's not always quite the same. Some days are better than others, you get good days and weeks or if you are really lucky a month or so. Then one day it all falls over again, perhaps you had a bad nights sleep, maybe someone cut you of in traffic, maybe a client shouted at you.

As for what could make me happy? Sometimes getting a free cup cake will cheer me up like no ones business, other days I won't even get out of bed for a million bucks. I think that is the big question for most sufferers, what would make me happy? What would make these feelings just go away?

But if I had to pick between

ove, fame, fortune - or whatever

I would pick love. Having a good support system is one of the most important things to get you through those dark days. Unfortunately, during my, uhm, adventures I have in the past destroyed large parts of my support system.

 

[HavocXphere]

What would make me 'happy'? I suppose material wealth to indulge in that which I enjoy

Personally - not even sure it makes a difference (beyond a certain point).

My income recently increased quite a bit and well I'm not sure it made any difference in my happiness levels to be honest...

 

[heartbroken]

the mistaken assumption on my part, is that there must be something, anything, that could possibly make one happy (or happier), no matter how depressed one actually may be.

I would like to believe that and secretly I still sometimes hope that there will be something.

 

[Grant]

That's the bugger of it - External things are not going to fix what is, as far as can be gathered, a chemical imbalance.

That said, external factors are not irrelevant, of course, but it can be very difficult to take control of those factors when you are in the midst of a dark cloud of existential misery.

What would make me 'happy'? I suppose material wealth to indulge in that which I enjoy, and someone to spend my time with, whose company makes me tingle.

Simple enough, but fairly hard to imagine nevertheless...

material wealth, as vulgar as it may sound, i have often thought would bring quite a bit of relief - just in terms of the opportunities it is able to provide.

say for example (for discussion purposes), a friend of yours won the lottery or something similar, and said to you "listen up mate, we are going on holiday to japan, italy & austria" would the distraction of the trip not possibly extract you from your current "situation" ?

 

[copacetic]

Personally - not even sure it makes a difference (beyond a certain point).

My income recently increased quite a bit and well I'm not sure it made any difference in my happiness levels to be honest...

When I talk of this, I also imply wealth without the implications of a 9-5 job, i.e. the freedom it suggests.

Which is why, the following scenario appeals:

material wealth, as vulgar as it may sound, i have often thought would bring quite a bit of relief - just in terms of the opportunities it is able to provide.

say for example (for discussion purposes), a friend of yours won the lottery or something similar, and said to you "listen up mate, we are going on holiday to japan, italy & austria" would the distraction of the trip not possibly extract you from your current "situation" ?

It would be a positive distraction, I am sure.

Just having moved to a new city has helped a lot. The issue is often finding the impetus to move forward when you most need it but least want to.

 

[HavocXphere]

Fair point - frankly though I suspect that *that* kind of wealth isn't within easy reach of depressed people. (thats an observation - not judging - depressed people just seem to have less ability to get things done)

 

[Grant]

Fair point - frankly though I suspect that *that* kind of wealth isn't within easy reach of depressed people. (thats an observation - not judging - depressed people just seem to have less ability to get things done)

absolutely, i'm pretty certain it's well out of reach for the vast majority of the world's population, but i was wondering if something like this did occur, would / could it make a positive difference ?

 

[Swa]

As I understand it the main problem is brain chemistry rather than lack of external things like wealth.

Still - from being occasionally down myself (not comparable to true depression I know) I find that people being accepting of mood swings helps.

Yes, a chemical imbalance possibly leading to physical changes over the long run. Why medication doesn't help right away. An analogy would be a radio with a broken antenna. You feel the noise of the bad feelings but there's no emotional connection to any of the good external factors. Of course bad external factors can make it worse though.

 

[Swa]

absolutely, i'm pretty certain it's well out of reach for the vast majority of the world's population, but i was wondering if something like this did occur, would / could it make a positive difference ?

Yes it might. Having unlimited wealth or even just enough that you don't need to worry about the stresses that a lack of money brings. Then again a situation where I don't have the wealth myself but someone else offers me a holiday would make it worse. It might distract me for a while but would also throw me out of my routine. A stable routine is the best way to handle depression.

 

[Grant]

It might distract me for a while but would also throw me out of my routine. A stable routine is the best way to handle depression.

interesting, i would have thought same thing day in day out over and over is what could lead to depression.

i personally thought getting out, doing different things, seeing different places etc would be better for one.
but then of course one needs to somehow muster up the will in order to do that.

 

[Swa]

interesting, i would have thought same thing day in day out over and over is what could lead to depression.

i personally thought getting out, doing different things, seeing different places etc would be better for one.
but then of course one needs to somehow muster up the will in order to do that.

Yes getting out and doing things can make it better depending on how "deep" the depression goes. I wasn't disputing that. The problem is when those become factors that interfere with sleeping patterns or routine.

 

[heartbroken]

Then again a situation where I don't have the wealth myself but someone else offers me a holiday would make it worse.

For me this will be the case. It will leave me with a sense of 'why did he get the money and not me, what did I do wrong'. Irrational I know.

 

[heartbroken]

The problem is when those become factors that interfere with sleeping patterns or routine.

I found that keeping a stable pattern of bed at 10:30pm, awake at 5am, gym at 6am (even on weekends) keeps my mood much more stable. Oversleeping especially makes my 'depressed' feelings worse. Might not be the same for everyone.

 

[Singal]

i have never suffered real depression, so i have very little understanding or grasp of it.

i became more personally aware of the severity, or at least it impacted me personally when i went to try assist a youngster who jumped from a building recently (i suspect most here are aware of the couple of threads i created).
since then, i have done a fair bit of research into depression & those for what ever reason, to chose to end their own lives.
the boy's father sent me a detailed 3 page email the other day regards his son & events during the year prior to the incident.
i am not going to discuss the content of the mail, but essentially there were no real, or signs of any "triggers" that led up to him taking his own life.

the mistaken assumption on my part, is that there must be something, anything, that could possibly make one happy (or happier), no matter how depressed one actually may be.

a friend of mine is a psychiatrist (gavin hendricks), who used to sometimes consult at valkenburg hosp.
we often had discussions regards things his patients (obviously not by name) would sometimes go through, but unfortunately depression was never really one of the subjects of discussions - a lost opportunity for me i guess, as he now practices in the uk.

Yeh, depression can be very complicated. It can vary from mild to moderate to severe. I was sorry to read about that youngster.

I think if you're mildly depressed then simple lifestyle changes can make a difference and certainly doing things that make you happy can only help,
but when you're at that point of thinking of killing yourself, not much is going to make you happy. At that point you need professional help.

 

[HavocXphere]

absolutely, i'm pretty certain it's well out of reach for the vast majority of the world's population, but i was wondering if something like this did occur, would / could it make a positive difference ?

I'm sure removing financial pressure would make anyone's life easier. People just seem to think that money fixes problems - it doesn't. More money just means problems scale up to that level in my experience.

...that being said - I've found that people with a bit of a "reserve fund" (say 3 months salary) do tend to cope better with the sht life throws at them. Seems to have a genuine psych benefit...

 

[Garson007]

I've had the worst last 24 hours I've had in a very very very long time. Nothing bad happened. How does that even make sense? I was out having fun with my friends and suddenly the gutpunch came and fortunately I put up a brave face and didn't freak out as I might have otherwise. This only prolonged the agony up to a point where I had to excuse myself. I feel kind of bad for deserting them, but it doesn't come close to my total and utter need to crawl into a ball and suck my thumb (figuratively speaking). I'm actually surprised that I'm still functioning.

I don't think there is anything that could make me feel better, other than being in love - but that's only a guess. What I really want is someone to read my mind and share in my agony, and to make my decisions for me as I recover.

Edit: My biggest help, in general, is finding someone to talk about it with.

 

[Grant]

I don't think there is anything that could make me feel better, other than being in love - but that's only a guess.

i recall reading or hearing this somewhere - not quite sure where tho:

there is none so addictive as the "exquisite" pain of wanting someone unobtainable

i am going to hazard a guess you might find particular meaning in this

What I really want is someone to read my mind and share in my agony, and to make my decisions for me as I recover.

Edit: My biggest help, in general, is finding someone to talk about it with.

thing is, nobody can read your mind, it is only you that is able to reveal your thoughts & feelings - all of them, specifically those you would probably rather not reveal - they are the ones that will always be like the proverbial albatross around your neck until you cut them free & let them out.


**edit
i get the distinct impression you are somewhat more mentally mature than your regular social group.
if that is the case, look to someone much older & totally unrelated to the group to confide in.

 

[copacetic]

Garson007, if you wish to talk, I am happy to oblige.

 

[Garson007]

Garson007, if you wish to talk, I am happy to oblige.

Hey, Copa - thanks. But I actually think I need that professional help earlier than I wanted to. Where exactly do I go to get started?