Depression.

AnimateX said:
@FiestaST

Do keep it up sir, you are doing your body and mental health a great service.

I had a stroke a few months ago. Luckily only a TIA which means the clot passed and did not do long term damage. However when I went for the head and neck CT scan they discovered I had chronic micro-vascular disease affecting my brain and extremities. I always attributed my cognitive decline to getting older but noticed things getting a lot worse the past few years.

I've struggled with depression for a long time but these past few months have been especially hard. I had to quit alcohol, reduce my nicotine intake and completely overhaul my diet. I don't always get the chance to take walks during the week but I've been forcing myself to take a 5.6km round trip to a neighbouring Spar every weekend and it's been helping. Not easy because of pain in my limbs if I haven't walked for a while but afterwards it's quite a relief and clears my head.
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Oh wow that must be stressful. My brother in law found out yesterday that he has had two small stokes. He had no idea. I am glad you are working on changing your situation.

He is rather excited - they are mapping his brain today.
 
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TribbleZA said:
Oh wow that must be stressful. My brother in law found out yesterday that he has had two small stokes. He had no idea. I am glad you are working on changing your situation.

He is rather excited - they are mapping his brain today.
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Hoping for the best for your brother in law. Yes it was not something I was expecting. When you wake up with half your body dead, it's a bit of a wake up call (some pun intended). It took some time before I came to terms with my new situation, having to take anti-coagulant medication, give up my old habits and completely alter my lifestyle to hope to not have the same thing happen again.

Thing is.. I caused this, decades of alcohol abuse and smoking and ignoring high blood pressure and cholesterol so I can't even shout at the heavens to say "why me?!".

When you are young you don't consider your future health much and that is understandable, most of us have this vision of our best selves continuing in our lives without disastrous life events. If I had to go back obviously I would change things but this is my life now. I have had to accept that.

If anything I hope I can persuade people to make changes in their lives now. It might seem impossible but I quit weed 4 years ago after 26 years of addiction, have given up alcohol this year and reduced my nicotine intake by 80%. I still have my difficult moments but I sometimes get fleeting moments of happiness which I have not experienced in years. It's wanting to become a better version of yourself even if you have to go through hell temporarily. Going to take this one step at a time.
 
AnimateX said:
Hoping for the best for your brother in law. Yes it was not something I was expecting. When you wake up with half your body dead, it's a bit of a wake up call (some pun intended). It took some time before I came to terms with my new situation, having to take anti-coagulant medication, give up my old habits and completely alter my lifestyle to hope to not have the same thing happen again.

Thing is.. I caused this, decades of alcohol abuse and smoking and ignoring high blood pressure and cholesterol so I can't even shout at the heavens to say "why me?!".

When you are young you don't consider your future health much and that is understandable, most of us have this vision of our best selves continuing in our lives without disastrous life events. If I had to go back obviously I would change things but this is my life now. I have had to accept that.

If anything I hope I can persuade people to make changes in their lives now. It might seem impossible but I quit weed 4 years ago after 26 years of addiction, have given up alcohol this year and reduced my nicotine intake by 80%. I still have my difficult moments but I sometimes get fleeting moments of happiness which I have not experienced in years. It's wanting to become a better version of yourself even if you have to go through hell temporarily. Going to take this one step at a time.
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That is amazing and inspirational. As we get older, we all should make changes to our lifestyles. I am at that point now where I have to do something before it is too late.
 
Just took my first dose of Sertraline.

Let's see how this goes.

My story's nowhere near as hectic as some of the stuff I've read on here, but it's enough that I feel all the joy has been sucked out of my life - mainly due to work issues - which are now resolved but that resolution will come with its own set of specific and horrible challenges.

And if it helps with my social anxiety as a side effect then I'll take it!
 
AnimateX said:
Thing is.. I caused this, decades of alcohol abuse and smoking and ignoring high blood pressure and cholesterol so I can't even shout at the heavens to say "why me?!".

When you are young you don't consider your future health much and that is understandable, most of us have this vision of our best selves continuing in our lives without disastrous life events. If I had to go back obviously I would change things but this is my life now. I have had to accept that.

If anything I hope I can persuade people to make changes in their lives now. It might seem impossible but I quit weed 4 years ago after 26 years of addiction, have given up alcohol this year and reduced my nicotine intake by 80%. I still have my difficult moments but I sometimes get fleeting moments of happiness which I have not experienced in years. It's wanting to become a better version of yourself even if you have to go through hell temporarily. Going to take this one step at a time.
Click to expand...
oh my !
my brother from a different mother.
im sailing the rubbish heart boat - 4yrs = 6 heart attacks, now a bucketload of meds twice a day.
been carved open twice - but now headed to either cardiac or respiratory failure, its academic as to which occurs first, as the other follows immediately.

got a dreadful family history of cardiac issues.
about 15yrs back my doc told me i had high cholesterol levels and minor hypertension - along with asthma.
i was told to reduce dairy, salt, sugar, stop smoking, exersize more.

instead, i continued with full cream everything, butter on everything, salt as far as the eye can see.
instead of stopping smoking i became nocturnal - nightclubs constantly till 5 / 6 / 7 in the morning, lots of drinking to be done from 1am to 5am - and a smoke with each drink.
next up was my chemical romance - about 10 yrs: weed, coke, acid, mdma, cat, meth, ghb, meth, ketamine - and sizeable volumes.
somehow i emerged unscathed from that adventure, no drug induced insanity, accidents, injuries etc.

during all this time my various doctors have repeated the mantra of the 1st.
me being me - i knew better than those who had studied and practiced medicine for years on end.
and here i am - the architect of my own demise, despite the medical advice and family history.
so for me it is far too late to turn back.
the horse has bolted and the ship has sailed - like humpty dumpty who plummeted from the wall - all the kings horses and all the kings men, cannot put humpty together again
 
Grant said:
<snipped for brevity>
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Wow man, sounds so much like my own adventures. Partying it up in my youth with alcohol, weed, speed, acid, MDMA, ketamine and whatever else I could find. I could still handle it back then. The days where we could skip a day or two of sleep and still arrive for work half-awake to be productive members of society.

I'm now on a concoction of medication for arrhythmia, high blood pressure, cholesterol, blood thinners and benzo's to help me sleep. It's gotten a bit easier since I quit alcohol but I'm still supposed to see a cardiologist to assess my heart status and I'm making every excuse in the book to not have to go there.

Sometimes I have those nasty thoughts about ending it all. My dad used to say that if you choose suicide that you have failed, and he chose to go out on his very last breath. Tough man he was, but eventually died after years of suffering from lung disease. I honestly don't know what to think now. I don't have any answers. I'm holding out, just because.. maybe there is something great to experience in life still.
 
I have had some major ups and downs over the last 2 months. Major.

Every year when winter starts showing itself, I see this mountain coming up in the distance that I know I have to climb.
The effects of winter just amplify my emotions and put a damper on my mental health in a big way. The 2-year mark of my father's suicide is also coming up in a month. And for me, it's a biggie.

I have come to the conclusion that I am lonely AF!

Since getting divorced, I have relied on my mother and father's presence and the relationship that I had with them a lot more than I actually knew. With both of them passing away within 2 years and having the rug pulled out from under me, I realised how much they actually meant in my life.

Yes, I have my 2 amazing boys. I get along excellently with their mother. I have a couple of friends who understand me when I only pop by for 1 drink or very short visits every now and again, and they never question me or lose thier shiit about it. Or when I am very bad company, they know I am having a bad day/week/month.

But I am so lonely. After my first marriage, I said to myself, no way in hell I am doing that again. Still not sure I would.
The problem is. In my head, I am sick and a bit broken. And I can not engage or get involved with someone when I know I am not well.

I have accepted that I have commitment issues. I am too afraid of letting anyone get too close to me and developing feelings for someone, just because I might lose them in the future. Having lost so much in my life.

I am truly blessed and privileged in other aspects of life. For which I am very thankful and grateful.

Time waits for no one.
Tomorrow is a new day, with new obstacles or none at all. Take it as it comes.
I have a close friend who pops by twice or so a week, and on weekends we do the outdoorsy stuff.
Fishing, hunting, going to the gun range, shooting clays and birds with the shotguns, etc., and he told me the other day that there is not one week that goes by that I don't have another blunder/fsckup to sort out in my life. And we just laughed our arses off.

Having inherited so many properties and the family trust of which I am now the chieftain. There are just so many hurdles and issues popping up in my life. But I take it as it comes and am sure I will find my rhythm once everything settles down.

There is always something to live for. Always.


Just blowing some steam off here.
 
AnimateX said:
Sometimes I have those nasty thoughts about ending it all.
Click to expand...
nay, flush them.
think back to some of the most difficult / worst times in your life - you'll find in most cases you turned the corner and moved on from them within a week or so, and got to enjoy some real good times .


and he chose to go out on his very last breath. Tough man he was, but eventually died after years of suffering from lung disease. I honestly don't know what to think now. I don't have any answers. I'm holding out, just because.. maybe there is something great to experience in life still.
Click to expand...
oh, there is plenty that lies ahead waiting for you
 
W@P said:
I have had some major ups and downs over the last 2 months. Major.

Every year when winter starts showing itself, I see this mountain coming up in the distance that I know I have to climb.
The effects of winter just amplify my emotions and put a damper on my mental health in a big way. The 2-year mark of my father's suicide is also coming up in a month. And for me, it's a biggie.
Click to expand...
the onset of winter (and christmas), somehow causes swathes of ppl to take a bit of a downward spiral - dont feel too alone there.
your father - some say time heals, i would argue time does not heal, but instead one eventually becomes accustomed to the void caused by the absence of the deceased person.
W@P said:
I have come to the conclusion that I am lonely AF!

Since getting divorced, I have relied on my mother and father's presence and the relationship that I had with them a lot more than I actually knew. With both of them passing away within 2 years and having the rug pulled out from under me, I realised how much they actually meant in my life.

Yes, I have my 2 amazing boys. I get along excellently with their mother. I have a couple of friends who understand me when I only pop by for 1 drink or very short visits every now and again, and they never question me or lose thier shiit about it. Or when I am very bad company, they know I am having a bad day/week/month.
Click to expand...
your boys may be the key to your escaping loneliness - via school functions - that kind of thing
W@P said:
But I am so lonely. After my first marriage, I said to myself, no way in hell I am doing that again. Still not sure I would.
The problem is. In my head, I am sick and a bit broken. And I can not engage or get involved with someone when I know I am not well.

I have accepted that I have commitment issues. I am too afraid of letting anyone get too close to me and developing feelings for someone, just because I might lose them in the future. Having lost so much in my life.
Click to expand...
interestingly, my last b/f was killed an a road accident.
something broke deep inside me, resulting in me completely rejecting any prospect of a proper relationship with anyone.
odd thing is he has been replaced with 5 others - lets call them friends with benefits.
so instead of committing 100% to any one person, i'm more comfortable committing only 20% to 5 different ppl.
the moment any of them may become a little too close for comfort, i simply shut them out.
it's a rather unusual situation, but somehow works for all of us
W@P said:
I am truly blessed and privileged in other aspects of life. For which I am very thankful and grateful.

Time waits for no one.
Tomorrow is a new day, with new obstacles or none at all. Take it as it comes.
I have a close friend who pops by twice or so a week, and on weekends we do the outdoorsy stuff.
Fishing, hunting, going to the gun range, shooting clays and birds with the shotguns, etc., and he told me the other day that there is not one week that goes by that I don't have another blunder/fsckup to sort out in my life. And we just laughed our arses off.

Having inherited so many properties and the family trust of which I am now the chieftain.
Click to expand...
i know how you feel.
i had a few, then my mother died. she had a whole lot.
i'm both sole beneficiary and executor of the estate.
ive hired an assistant, and farmed a lot out to my attorneys - but still, it's overwhelming, exhausting and stressful.
selling the whole lot.
W@P said:
There are just so many hurdles and issues popping up in my life. But I take it as it comes and am sure I will find my rhythm once everything settles down.

There is always something to live for. Always.


Just blowing some steam off here.
Click to expand...
blaas oom piet, blaas
 
Grant said:
the onset of winter (and christmas), somehow causes swathes of ppl to take a bit of a downward spiral - dont feel too alone there.
your father - some say time heals, i would argue time does not heal, but instead one eventually becomes accustomed to the void caused by the absence of the deceased person.

your boys may be the key to your escaping loneliness - via school functions - that kind of thing

interestingly, my last b/f was killed an a road accident.
something broke deep inside me, resulting in me completely rejecting any prospect of a proper relationship with anyone.
odd thing is he has been replaced with 5 others - lets call them friends with benefits.
so instead of committing 100% to any one person, i'm more comfortable committing only 20% to 5 different ppl.
the moment any of them may become a little too close for comfort, i simply shut them out.
it's a rather unusual situation, but somehow works for all of us

i know how you feel.
i had a few, then my mother died. she had a whole lot.
i'm both sole beneficiary and executor of the estate.
ive hired an assistant, and farmed a lot out to my attorneys - but still, it's overwhelming, exhausting and stressful.
selling the whole lot.

blaas oom piet, blaas
Click to expand...

You're gay?
 
Jan van Riebeeckstad said:
You're gay?
Click to expand...
We are all little bit gay here......

Went for annual checkup last week and again vitamin D was low and that can cause whole host of issues, from physical to mental.
So check that out.

There is serious issue of loneliness and difficulty of establishing some deeper relationships.
I call it Robbin Williams effect, on outside funny, helpful almost always upbeat and cracking jokes but on the inside there is something missing.
Unfortunately this was confirmed last month when acquaintance decided to end all.

We had plenty hits last 12 months from retrenchments, health, car accidents and host of other small and big issues, what helps me is being busy, DIY, hobbies and actually being outside.
We are not designed to be indoors and I can see every time when I'm outside or in the nature that my mood is significantly better and you see little bizarre/small things that lift you up for a day or two.
 
/raises hand

so there is a very distinct difference between being lonely and alone.
i am perfectly content being alone for extended periods - even the covid lockdown thing did not bother me (beside the inconvenience when needing to go somewhere).

my question to those who may suffer loneliness - do you come from a big family, a couple of siblings etc, and isolation from that "community" brings on feelings of loneliness ?

for my part, i was an "only-child", very accustomed to doing my own thing - but maybe more importantly, accustomed to being on my own, and not constantly surrounded by, and in the company of siblings etc while growing up.
 
Grant said:
/raises hand

so there is a very distinct difference between being lonely and alone.
i am perfectly content being alone for extended periods - even the covid lockdown thing did not bother me (beside the inconvenience when needing to go somewhere).

my question to those who may suffer loneliness - do you come from a big family, a couple of siblings etc, and isolation from that "community" brings on feelings of loneliness ?

for my part, i was an "only-child", very accustomed to doing my own thing - but maybe more importantly, accustomed to being on my own, and not constantly surrounded by, and in the company of siblings etc while growing up.
Click to expand...
There's an epic organisation here in the UK called Men's Sheds

Home | Men's Sheds Association | UKMSA

We support Men's Sheds Association in the UK. Men's Sheds are community workshops where men can create converse and connect.
menssheds.org.uk menssheds.org.uk

Is there something similar in SA? If not, maybe something someone should look to kicking off.
 
Sinbad said:
There's an epic organisation here in the UK called Men's Sheds

Home | Men's Sheds Association | UKMSA

We support Men's Sheds Association in the UK. Men's Sheds are community workshops where men can create converse and connect.
menssheds.org.uk menssheds.org.uk

Is there something similar in SA? If not, maybe something someone should look to kicking off.
Click to expand...
i dont think i have experienced real loneliness - i can imagine it to be quite debilitating, and something with the potential to get worse rather quickly.

i'm known to become insular from time to time - but out of choice.
i have always regarded it as "me time", simply disconnecting from everyone and doing as i please for a weekend - i think there may be a selfish element in it, in that i simply dont want to listen to other ppl and their troubles & needs for a while
 
Grant said:
/raises hand

so there is a very distinct difference between being lonely and alone.
i am perfectly content being alone for extended periods - even the covid lockdown thing did not bother me (beside the inconvenience when needing to go somewhere).

my question to those who may suffer loneliness - do you come from a big family, a couple of siblings etc, and isolation from that "community" brings on feelings of loneliness ?

for my part, i was an "only-child", very accustomed to doing my own thing - but maybe more importantly, accustomed to being on my own, and not constantly surrounded by, and in the company of siblings etc while growing up.
Click to expand...
I had a sister who passed away in a car accident in 2009 while my folks were in Turkey on holiday. Was a fsckup of note.
We were close.

Between then and 2016, I was pomping and jolling, and in 2016 I made my now ex-wife pregnant. So we got married in 2018, I think.
When COVID hit, she left me and got together with a friend of mine. Taking both my kids and moved 600km away. Got divorced.

2022, my mother passed, and in 2024, my father passed.

I met a girl just before my mother passed, and I strung her along on and off for a few years; I never could commit to even putting a label on it, like we are in a relationship. She stood by me no matter what, and she was there for me again when my father died.

Last year I broke contact completely because I could not do this to her forever. She needs to find someone worthy of her. So I let her go.

So ever since I got divorced, my folks and I were very close. We have always been.
And with my mother passing, I had to sort of look after my dad for 2 years while he was battling his demons and the process of dealing with the loss of the love of his life. In the end, he made the choice that he would rather be with her again than live a life with my 2 boys and me in it. And he could, of course, just not handle the pain anymore. Even though I know he loved us to bits.

So I feel lonely in the sense that I lost those dearest to me. The people I have known the longest in my life. They are not there anymore. No more check-ins, lunches, a couple of drinks, and some shots, random chats, getaways, etc. No more contact. They are just gone.

And I also feel lonely without a partner. I feel I have a lot to give and to offer, and bring a lot to the table. And I would like to share it with someone. I know that is what my folks would have wanted for me.

But I am not in a place where I can get attached to someone right now. It would be unfair to them.

My divorce hurt my folks very deeply. My ex-wife now lives around the corner from me. We get along amazingly. As co-parents.

In short, I know that I could make someone happy by being the person I know I could be and was.
So my loneliness is a combination of the 2.
 
W@P said:
I had a sister who passed away in a car accident in 2009 while my folks were in Turkey on holiday. Was a fsckup of note.
We were close.

Between then and 2016, I was pomping and jolling, and in 2016 I made my now ex-wife pregnant. So we got married in 2018, I think.
When COVID hit, she left me and got together with a friend of mine. Taking both my kids and moved 600km away. Got divorced.

2022, my mother passed, and in 2024, my father passed.

I met a girl just before my mother passed, and I strung her along on and off for a few years; I never could commit to even putting a label on it, like we are in a relationship. She stood by me no matter what, and she was there for me again when my father died.

Last year I broke contact completely because I could not do this to her forever. She needs to find someone worthy of her. So I let her go.

So ever since I got divorced, my folks and I were very close. We have always been.
And with my mother passing, I had to sort of look after my dad for 2 years while he was battling his demons and the process of dealing with the loss of the love of his life. In the end, he made the choice that he would rather be with her again than live a life with my 2 boys and me in it. And he could, of course, just not handle the pain anymore. Even though I know he loved us to bits.

So I feel lonely in the sense that I lost those dearest to me. The people I have known the longest in my life. They are not there anymore. No more check-ins, lunches, a couple of drinks, and some shots, random chats, getaways, etc. No more contact. They are just gone.

And I also feel lonely without a partner. I feel I have a lot to give and to offer, and bring a lot to the table. And I would like to share it with someone. I know that is what my folks would have wanted for me.

But I am not in a place where I can get attached to someone right now. It would be unfair to them.

My divorce hurt my folks very deeply. My ex-wife now lives around the corner from me. We get along amazingly. As co-parents.

In short, I know that I could make someone happy by being the person I know I could be and was.
So my loneliness is a combination of the 2.
Click to expand...
you've been to hell and back a few times, in a pretty short space of time.
i'm compelled to ask - this girl:
I met a girl just before my mother passed, and I strung her along on and off for a few years; I never could commit to even putting a label on it, like we are in a relationship. She stood by me no matter what, and she was there for me again when my father died.

Last year I broke contact completely because I could not do this to her forever. She needs to find someone worthy of her. So I let her go.
Click to expand...
where is she - she seems like a keeper.
it may be time to check in on her.

i gain the impression you are harbouring a certain amount of (unwarranted) guilt, and out of that you somehow think you are "unworthy".
on that, it may also be time to forgive yourself somewhat and claim back what you intrinsically know what you are both capable of, and deserve.

i realise it may seem i'm preaching from afar without having walked in your shoes, but simultaneously, we sometimes become a little boxed in and are left with little more than myopic vision.
 
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