Depression.

Sinbad said:
Both true but both really fkn hard to do.
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It is - but it is really worth trying. You don't always have to be successful at it. Because of it, my relationship with my brother and mother is so much better. I am no longer so sensitive to the things they say and do.

I have a great friend who has basically disappeared. It was breaking me. But accepting the reality of the new friendship has definitely helped. Yes - it still hurts but it is how things are and wishing we still had the frienship we did have was only making me depressed.
 
Sadly one of my staff was notified this morning that her dad had been found after he went missing 5 weeks ago threatening to commit suicide. Apparently always suffered from depression and had tried it before but unfortunately got it right this time....

At least there is some closure for the family though after a long period of just not knowing what had happened to him....
 
EmmanuelGoldstein said:
Update:
I am doing fairly OK... the Taun saga kept me distracted nicely
I have also been building servers, working on my projects, and generally keeping busy.

And now due to the fukked up weather in CT, whole family is sick again... including me
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Glad you are doing better though - even if you are ill now. We need to take the little wins.
 
TribbleZA said:
Glad you are doing better though - even if you are ill now. We need to take the little wins.
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Ears are completely borked... this weather caused me to have an ear infection.
And if that's not bad enough, car's engine decided to blow up on the way home. So now I have to use Uber and MyCITI to get around.

The cost to repair the car > my fvcks left to give, that is, even if the thing can be saved. At over 305,072km on the clock... ermmmmm nope.... especially not since those noises I heard before it stalled..
 
So I've made it to the weekend, it's been a really tough week.

I will elaborate later on the skeletons in the employer's closet, which really just reinforce the bad decision I made to leave my former company. Also had an interview over Teams this week, and it's clear I am not wanted in the IT industry... was told my CV is crap, etc..
I am just done... finished, klaar. The IT industry in this country is fast revealing itself to be exactly the kind of old boys' club I suspected it was.

That tosspot whom we call my boss, will have to make peace with the fact that I am growing a tough skin super fast and he will get nowhere with me. I hope for retrenchment (as they pay generously for that) but, I also hope that he gives me reason to fight him at the CCMA, because the overwhelming discrimination, mistreatment, and so on which I've meticulously documented will stand me in good stead.

Anyway, my car will live to fight another day, so I avoided a complete disaster by being wide awake.
It turns out, a very simple thing failed, and quick action on my part prevented engine damage.

Since I couldn't get it towed day, we, with the instruction from the mechanic on how to do it, drove it to his workshop.
yeah, turning on the heater, to full blast.. bypasses the problem and off we went... normal driving.

On a larger scale though, I am basically circling the drain. I had to sell stuff to be able to have the car fixed and some decent meals and medication this week.

Just going to chill over the next two days and do... nothing!
 
EmmanuelGoldstein said:
So I've made it to the weekend, it's been a really tough week.

I will elaborate later on the skeletons in the employer's closet, which really just reinforce the bad decision I made to leave my former company. Also had an interview over Teams this week, and it's clear I am not wanted in the IT industry... was told my CV is crap, etc..
I am just done... finished, klaar. The IT industry in this country is fast revealing itself to be exactly the kind of old boys' club I suspected it was.

That tosspot whom we call my boss, will have to make peace with the fact that I am growing a tough skin super fast and he will get nowhere with me. I hope for retrenchment (as they pay generously for that) but, I also hope that he gives me reason to fight him at the CCMA, because the overwhelming discrimination, mistreatment, and so on which I've meticulously documented will stand me in good stead.

Anyway, my car will live to fight another day, so I avoided a complete disaster by being wide awake.
It turns out, a very simple thing failed, and quick action on my part prevented engine damage.

Since I couldn't get it towed day, we, with the instruction from the mechanic on how to do it, drove it to his workshop.
yeah, turning on the heater, to full blast.. bypasses the problem and off we went... normal driving.

On a larger scale though, I am basically circling the drain. I had to sell stuff to be able to have the car fixed and some decent meals and medication this week.

Just going to chill over the next two days and do... nothing!
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Life sounds really hard at the moment. I do hope things ease up for you.
 
TBH the "IT industry" is as vague as they come. Consider a "mild pivot", just the tip if you will.

I did that & it's been a success for so far.

Hence I harp on the fact about keeping your mind sharp, have a solid interview game & network like a mofo.

Follow me for more tips & tricks ;) :p
 
FiestaST said:
TBH the "IT industry" is as vague as they come. Consider a "mild pivot", just the tip if you will.

I did that & it's been a success for so far.

Hence I harp on the fact about keeping your mind sharp, have a solid interview game & network like a mofo.

Follow me for more tips & tricks ;) :p
Click to expand...
I don't have a problem with my mind not being sharp.. I am just... for lack of a better word.... tired... and it's burnout. I know what I need to do to fix that, it's not easy though not with where I work. I will elaborate later on what the actual problem is that I am experiencing, it's to do with the fact that I am being stifled heavily by my past and current role and with the way things going at work, it feeds the depression

Regarding this week, it seems to be going a bit better. One of the bigger worries is off my back- the car was repaired this morning. The sounds I heard, well that was actually something / someone else, the brain was in freakout mode and likely me hallucinating.

But at the end of the day, quick thinking and reaction is what helped- That, and a generous, decent mechanic, a gentle soul who cares about cars and not money. A decent human being not beholden to a stealership.

I spent the weekend trying to focus on fun things, at least I made something fun... will post details later if I can
 
Another bad day.
The car was supposedly fixed yesterday, so off I went this morning to work with it... er nope!
I suppose at least I am now sure it's trash, ready for the crusher.
Yeah, it overheated again, and this time I was able to figure it all out.

The thrust bearing on the crank is basically destroying itself. Got it home and then got onto the bus to get to work.
When I get home I will confirm it but yeah, I am 99.9% sure I am going to find the crankshaft pulley offset to the side by a few mm.
The clutch has extreme amounts of play in it... basically 30% of it's travel is just sloppy. That ain't no clutch thrust bearing failure. It's inside the engine. There's just no point anymore, and I cannot afford a new or 2nd hand car.. so I guess I'll be walking for a long time to come.

I am seeing the therapist tomorrow as life is getting too much now, this is just really feeling like the end... another nudge closer to the drain.
 
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