Feeling like a failure?

OrbitalDawn said:
Don't feel bad, feel happy for him, and use it as inspiration for your own goals.
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I do feel happy for him. Hearing his stories about work and hearing about his colleagues really do make me happy and I'm so proud of him, knowing what him and I both went through for him to be where he is today. Sometimes I think maybe my success is supporting him so that he can achieve his goals because I know he would be so lost without me :p but ja it gets me down sometimes....
 
Ancalagon said:
I've given it some more thought.

I'm well paid for my age, I'll admit that. But I still feel like a failure sometimes.

Why? Not because of the money I earn. I feel like a failure because with my gifts, I feel like I could have done a lot more with my life. Sure, I'm working towards it now, but it has taken me this long to get there.

I regret not working harder. I was one of those who sailed through university without lifting a finger. Didn't fail a single course and easily got over 60 for nearly everything I did. Even for the hardest subject that I took in honours year, I studied the night before. When I say studied, I mean read over my notes. Half of them. I got the second highest in the class, which was a mid 60's mark.

Somehow, I've got to the point where I make a decent amount of money for my age. But I still feel like, given my talents, I should have shot the lights out by now. And I might have, if I selected a better career and worked harder. I always regret not working harder than I do, it is the one thing I constantly feel guilty about.

I'm changing that, but it doesn't change the past. No use worrying about that now I guess.
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If we going down this route, I'd also regret not studying programming in University. I was the brightest computer student in our school. ( I knew the grade 12 syllabus in term two of grade 11) and never achieved below 95% in any term ( grade 10 till finals in matric).


I was so passionate about it but I can't go back because I'm a decade behind understanding all that now.

It's something that I will always regret.
 
I kinda wish I'd gone into medicine. I could be the real Greg House.
 
Since we on this track now :p

I regret dropping out of engineering at varsity. It would have paid me less thann what I am getting now but it would have been way more challenging that what I currently do....
 
I can empathize with the OP. As crazy as it sounds, when I was earning close to $12k/m in the early 2000's I felt terrible. On one hand, I knew that it wasn't half bad and that by SA standards I was doing well (I was saving about $1500 or so per month), however when you are surrounded by IPO millionaires every single day, one can't but help think that one has missed the boat. The average lunch discussion would tend to cover holiday houses, flying lessons (and the intention to buy small planes), early retirement, etc. If I hadn't bothered to study further, I would likely have been there in the late '90s and had the same boost. Probably the biggest annoyance was that with the 2002-2005 post-bubble recession, things were tough (no increases, stock options were worth nothing, etc.), and while others had to "weather" the storm with me, they got to weather it in a $2m house, while I weatheted it in a $2k/m rental.

Anyway, in absolute terms, I knew I was doing well, but when you have this sort of thing around you all the time, one can't help but think in relative terms. I wouldn't say that I felt like a failure - rather I felt that I had "work to do", an attitude that has served me well. Having a long term plan is much better than pining for missed get-rich-quick opportunities.
 
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JackWhite said:
I believe the point Stefan is trying to make is what must we have to do to have a better life than just getting by. Family of 3 with both parents with degrees working and still no over the top luxuries. The lifestyle he achieves, should have been achieved by one parent working yet he can only get that by both working.
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Exactly this.

Both of us are underpaid though, but things might change for me if I get to CA.

When my parents were my age they had two kids in primary school and a baby, had a full time domestic, owned a proper street address house, had two cars, with only my dad working as an engineer for the province. And it wasnt a great salary either. Times are definately harder now especially with property and living costs.
 
Stop comparing the lifestyle and salary of your friends, Learn to live within your financial boundaries…you will always have the Jones around
 
royz said:
Stop comparing the lifestyle and salary of your friends, Learn to live within your financial boundaries…you will always have the Jones around
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I think that an important lesson is that even the Joneses have Joneses. :)
 
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JackWhite said:
I believe the point Stefan is trying to make is what must we have to do to have a better life than just getting by. Family of 3 with both parents with degrees working and still no over the top luxuries. The lifestyle he achieves, should have been achieved by one parent working yet he can only get that by both working.
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My point is that I can cut a lot of those things and I won't just get by but live a very good life with that salary. It's all about peoples' views and how you see your situation.
 
OP I sympathise with you, and I believe that most people here feel the same actually. Things have just become crazy expensive, and it's so depressing watching your salary dissolve away with bill payments and necessities. I do believe though the way we think makes or breaks us. Instead of feeling like a failure, change those thoughts to thoughts of ambition: "I am not happy where I am in life, but I am working hard to get where I want to be".

OP do you have plans on how / where you want to be in life? I have a 5 year plan that is written down. Every three months I look at the list and make adjustments. It's very satisfying when you tick off a goal.
 
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googoodoll said:
Its worse at the moment cause my SO is doing well for himself and well on his way to getting the job he's always wanted and earning more than me, and I wonder sometimes why he actually still sticks around with me if I see myself as a bit of a failure. Ag well what can I do except continue working hard
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Really? Men generally don't give a shyte how much money you make or what your career is, and wouldn't consider you a "failure" because of your job or lack thereof. That's a strongly womyn thing.

Of course, yes this is a generalisation (hence the word "generally"), there are probably some men who do care about that sort of thing, but I've never met one.
 
TJ99 said:
Really? Men generally don't give a shyte how much money you make or what your career is, and wouldn't consider you a "failure" because of your job or lack thereof. That's a strongly womyn thing.

Of course, yes this is a generalisation (hence the word "generally"), there are probably some men who do care about that sort of thing, but I've never met one.
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+1

We don't care.
 
Swa said:
R32k and you're depressed. Sorry but the people in here kinda sound right. For that amount you can live a quite comfortable life. You are earning more than 90% of people here
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That's either BS, or a large percentage of the people on here are liar liars with their pants on fire.

In the salary surveys MyBB always has, around 30% or so claim they make over 70k a month, and the next group below that (50-70k I think) has almost the same percentage. So we are dealing with some high rollers up in here.
 
TJ99 said:
Really? Men generally don't give a shyte how much money you make or what your career is, and wouldn't consider you a "failure" because of your job or lack thereof. That's a strongly womyn thing.

Of course, yes this is a generalisation (hence the word "generally"), there are probably some men who do care about that sort of thing, but I've never met one.
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In fact, many men are intimidated by women who earn more than they do and they feel emasculated in the relationship.
 
Sinbad said:
In fact, many men are intimidated by women who earn more than they do and they feel emasculated in the relationship.
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My SO earns more than me and it doesn't bother me in the slightest, nor her. I was unemployed for 6 months ( june 2014 - Jan 2015) and her support financially and emotionally was more than I could ever have wished for.
 
Wall said:
My SO earns more than me and it doesn't bother me in the slightest, nor her. I was unemployed for 6 months ( june 2014 - Jan 2015) and her support financially and emotionally was more than I could ever have wished for.
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I'm with you, though I wish my so earned more than me.
Her previous husband wouldn't let her have a career for that precise reason.
 
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