How do I tell people that...

Some solid advice from the Oc there. I would like to add that once you have informed all the people in your life who you think deserve to hear this from you, update your facebook status "Interested in men". I think that is a good way to make it official lol :p.

As for Tera - I believe people think being gay is a choice because they are raised to look for that special someone from the opposite gender. Then when they do reveal they are gay it is seen as a "choice". Personally I think it has to do with how you were brought up. No one has control over their own lives at a very young age. So in that sense you do not actually get to choose. It is what makes us each unique in our own way.
 
ChilliGirl said:
imagine if we all thought the same & agreed on everything? boring?

mwha :p
Click to expand...

Imagines a world where everyone thinks the way I think and always agree with me.

/starts imagining a crown, a throne and people serving me and calling me KING!

Eish..I think it is time for a smoke break.
 
ocleroux said:
Imagines a world where everyone thinks the way I think and always agree with me.

/starts imagining a crown, a throne and people serving me and calling me KING!

Eish..I think it is time for a smoke break.
Click to expand...

Dream on :D :D :D

Yeah, go have that smoke :p
 
Davey, how I envy you. Your realization of who you are and imminent transformation marks the start of a fantastic journey. You will remember these days and wonder what the fuss was all about. People will surprise you with how OK they are with you being gay.
For me coming out was more of a process than an event(came out at 25). Today I am married (to a guy) and the only regrets I have is having taken so long to admit to myself and others who I truly am. Enjoy the process; as intimidating as it is. Remember that it gets better.
 
Occludude said:
Davey, how I envy you. Your realization of who you are and imminent transformation marks the start of a fantastic journey. You will remember these days and wonder what the fuss was all about. People will surprise you with how OK they are with you being gay.
For me coming out was more of a process than an event(came out at 25). Today I am married (to a guy) and the only regrets I have is having taken so long to admit to myself and others who I truly am. Enjoy the process; as intimidating as it is. Remember that it gets better.
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According to some posters here (the image they create) the OP should get married to a woman, have 4 children and at 40 realise he can't carry on like that...
Then have a divorce & "come out the closet"
 
Occludude said:
Davey, how I envy you. Your realization of who you are and imminent transformation marks the start of a fantastic journey. You will remember these days and wonder what the fuss was all about. People will surprise you with how OK they are with you being gay.
For me coming out was more of a process than an event(came out at 25). Today I am married (to a guy) and the only regrets I have is having taken so long to admit to myself and others who I truly am. Enjoy the process; as intimidating as it is. Remember that it gets better.
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Beautiful. *sigh*
 
Yeah, Occludude, that's something to mention too
South Africa is one of the few countries where it is legal for a man to marry another man ;)

South Africa are pretty progressive.....well.... with non-discriminating laws at least. One of the very few good things that apartheid actually caused (if not the only)
 
teraside said:
My advice: Men find love, attraction & intimacy through sex. Man on Man = Intimacy.

Woman find intimacy through communication.

Are you really sure that you are gay? Or are you confusing the act of being intimate with another man as "correct and right"" ?

No I'm not judging you, but you need to be sure of what you decide and which path in life to take.
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Errr...What?
 
Keeper said:
Yeah, Occludude, that's something to mention too
South Africa is one of the few countries where it is legal for a man to marry another man ;)

South Africa are pretty progressive.....well.... with non-discriminating laws at least. One of the very few good things that apartheid actually caused (if not the only)
Click to expand...

Being married is a choice, being gay is not. I can always get a divorce but can never alter my orientation.
 
teraside said:
then you have a photogenic memory.
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Photogenic memory : memory that looks great in photos :p



Keeper said:
Dude, sorry to say this but you must be extremely ignorant.
Do you know ANYTHING about what gay guys have to put up with? A lot of society is still behind the times here in south Africa mate....

You didn't have to tell your parents you are straight because that's what most people are.
same with atheism - most people believe in one of the Gods, so WE are the ones that are "different" - it's totally normal, but for them, it is not.
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That's exactly why i'm saying it. If they keep behaving as though it's something abnormal, then the rest of society will too. No? I don't know. Maybe it's just me, it probably is, but if I was gay i'd just let people figure it out for themselves. Because I wouldn't see it as a big deal and I wouldn't want them to either.
 
abzo said:
That's exactly why i'm saying it. If they keep behaving as though it's something abnormal, then the rest of society will too. No? I don't know. Maybe it's just me, it probably is, but if I was gay i'd just let people figure it out for themselves. Because I wouldn't see it as a big deal and I wouldn't want them to either.
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Ah, okay - Wishful thinking though...

I would have loved it too, to update my "belief" in facebook to atheist without even thinking about it - the truth of the matter is it was a very hard thing to do, and I lost a couple of "friends" due to that action. In the end I thought it was the right thing to do, and you feel free after "coming out" (whether it be gay, or atheist)

In the end we all have to confess about who we are, pretending to be something you are not and living a lie sucks.


besides, the more people come out, the more we all realize that we are more alike than we might think. just people.


edit: I'm looking at you DJ, why am I the only atheist in my friends list? Update your Profile man! :D
 
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Davey said:
Hey Everyone, I don't know if this is the correct section on the forums but here goes.

I am new to the forums and I have actually been meaning to sign up for a while now but things have been rather busy.

So I just turned 18 and have been slowly but surely gathering up enough courage to tell people (friends, family -parents) that I am Gay.

I was wondering how to go about it, I am pretty freaking nervous if I have to be honest with you guys on the forums.

I am definitely not the "feminine" kind of gay, and no one has suspected (none that I know of) about me being Gay.

I have known since I was about 10 and have no doubt that I am gay, I've had a large amount of time to think about it.

My friends are a combo of guys and girls, I have never dated in my life because of my major confusion, I don't even know if I'll manage to date this year, well you know I have to get through matric first.

I have prepared for myself for the hate that I know some where along the line I'm going to get. I am not too sure how my parents will react, there aren't haters on the whole gay lifestyle but they have never really ever said their feelings towards it either. This is most likely one of the biggest things I have ever done, but I cannot keep it in anymore, I'm feeling trapped and I can't find a way to stop thinking about it.

I don't plan on telling anyone at school, except for my close friends and maybe one or 2 teachers...

In a way I have been thinking about putting it off until the end of the year, if I could just maybe matriculate and get out, I could start fresh in university?

Okay to summarize everything I've said: I'm ****ing scared, how do I tell people I'm gay.

I know some of you guys on the forum might hate on this thread, but please try and understand that everyone is different, I know I might get a few hate posts on how wrong this is but I feel that I needed to find some source of help.

Thanks everyone :)
Davey :)
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Hey Davey

I dont think you have realised it yet but you have already taken the first step to coming out...by posting here.
Sometimes the big leaps we want to take happens with a small step.

While everyone wafts about how courageous you are and how amazing it is etc etc etc ad nausea I would like you to think about the reality of the situation.

1) Have a support system.
Make sure you have people that know who you are and what you are about.
People that will support you when you need to talk to someone.

2) Take it slow.
There is no need for you to have a "coming out party".
By being who you are without compromise is sometimes much more effective. Take it slow and tell a handful of people and then let things take their own course.

3) Dont deny it.
Never lie about who you are. If they ask tell them.

4) Know your stuff.
Know why you are gay and understand what it means to be gay. Know it is not a choice.
Know that you do not have to be effeminate, dress up or be promiscuous.
Know that being gay is as important as to have brown hair i.e it isnt.
Know that you are not defined by your sexuality but that you define yourself.

5) Dont take yourself seriously.
Make fun of yourself and the fact that you suck cock. There is nothing to be ashamed about it.
Laugh at the facts and others will find it much more difficult to get under your skin.


In closing. Coming out is only a small facet of what it is to be gay, it is so small to be inconsequential.

If you want to chat and stuff you can pm me.
I'm one of the resident fags. ;)

Jay
 
I personally think that this "coming out" is a load of bull****.

It epitomizes the fact that the LGBT community has accepted that we have to hide ourselves and that we now have to celebrate the fact that we are not hiding anymore. **** that!
I never came out. I told a few people but that was it.
The rest was rather coincidental and never denying it.

Who the **** actually cares where society decides that I am OK or not? I dont.
No LGBT should! EVER!

/rant
 
Keeper said:
edit: I'm looking at you DJ, why am I the only atheist in my friends list? Update your Profile man! :D
Click to expand...

Those capable of intelligent discourse already know. Those only friends for a shag here and there don't need to know...
 
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