Is she cheating????

CheesB said:
Thanks to all you guys who read and responded to my thread:cool:

I have been doing some thinking, clearly I really wanna save this relationship, I really cant give up just as yet (besides I dont have concrete proof that they are/have slept together - YES, flirting "sexually flirting" is just as bad as doing it, I know, but my heart tells me to make a plan and try to make it work). Guys, this woman really makes me happy, she's gorgeous, fun, loving, smart, intelligent, a great friend, oh, did I mention that she's a goddess between the sheets:eek::eek:, so, yah, guys, I know most of you are really dissappointed in me right now, but I wanna give it one last shot).

So, I was thinking, I have two options:
(1) Send this GUY an anonymous sms telling him that I know all about his shady business with his GF's cousin and threaten to tell the cousin (his GF) and also provide some proof, etc etc (what else should I say?)

(2) Use the same method to send the cousin an anonymous sms alerting her that her BF is cheating with her cousin and she should try to monitor his calls/ sms, etc and I have proof....

I know it's stupid, but right now this is all I can yhink about to save thius relationship.

Your comments are most definately welcome!

(Well, if it doesnt work, then I will definately call it quit! After all, I would have tried my utmost best).
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Personally I wouldn't do either. Talk to her and tell her how you feel and that you want to save things. If she feels the same she'll tell the guy to bugger off all on her own. If she doesn't, get out of the relationship because it's a train wreck waiting to happen.
 
AcidRaZor said:
3rd option, don't do anything to alert anyone and rather work on your relationship?
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I would also like that one but I freak out whenever these steamy sms/calls/emails comes in and I become bitter, angry etc and that leads to us arguing again (its like taking 10 steps back). I would prefer to have such things eliminated (even if I had something to do with them).
 
CheesB said:
I would also like that one but I freak out whenever these steamy sms/calls/emails comes in and I become bitter, angry etc and that leads to us arguing again (its like taking 10 steps back). I would prefer to have such things eliminated (even if I had something to do with them).
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I know exactly how you feel but this guy / cousin-sister would tell your girlfriend and it would make things worst rather than talking to her and telling her you'd like all communication to stop between them so you could work on your relationship.

Going behind her back is a big no no
 
AcidRaZor said:
I know exactly how you feel but this guy / cousin-sister would tell your girlfriend and it would make things worst rather than talking to her and telling her you'd like all communication to stop between them so you could work on your relationship.

Going behind her back is a big no no
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I know what you saying (going behind her back and all), but I was thinking just using some anonymous number and warn her that I know all his shady business and if he still want to be with the monther of his child then he must leaf this woman (my GF) alone...... that kind of message.

I will also mention that I have enough damaging information that when it lands in the wrong hands (his GF, his GF's folks, etc)... it could spell the end of him.
 
CheesB said:
I know what you saying (going behind her back and all), but I was thinking just using some anonymous number and warn her that I know all his shady business and if he still want to be with the monther of his child then he must leaf this woman (my GF) alone...... that kind of message.

I will also mention that I have enough damaging information that when it lands in the wrong hands (his GF, his GF's folks, etc)... it could spell the end of him.
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They/she is not stupid. Trust me dude. Its better to drop it and work on the relationship and talk to her rather. Or dump her. Either way, don't delve to that level...
 
I was asking if she did promotional work?

i think the best is for your GF to tell the guy he must stop with the emails and the like, ... you must not take any action ... it must all come from her.

Does she want you and her to work? does she love you? Will you promise to support her and be there for her and not ignore her like before? Can you tell her you sorry for being unfair to her?

if "yes" to all of the above, then she must cancel this guy out of her life ... the ball is in her court, cause lets face it she is just as much to blame as this guy is ...
 
and if she doesn't get rid of the guy then she's not 100% committed to making things work. so then you know
 
AcidRaZor said:
and if she doesn't get rid of the guy then she's not 100% committed to making things work. so then you know
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+10000000000 ... and just also remember she could have told that guy she has broken up with you ... females sometimes play a dangerous game (sorry for generalising)
 
adamr said:
I was asking if she did promotional work?

i think the best is for your GF to tell the guy he must stop with the emails and the like, ... you must not take any action ... it must all come from her.

Does she want you and her to work?
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Yes, well, at least she says so.

adamr said:
does she love you? Will you promise to support her and be there for her and not ignore her like before? Can you tell her you sorry for being unfair to her?
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Yes, I believe that she still loves me. I will support her man, be there for her and I told her many times that I am so sorry for neglecting her.

adamr said:
if "yes" to all of the above, then she must cancel this guy out of her life ... the ball is in her court, cause lets face it she is just as much to blame as this guy is ...
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Yes, you right, the ball is in her court. But here is the thing, she says that she wants to see me "practicing waht I have been preaching and as soon as she is convinced then she will cut all ties with this guy". Now, problem with that is that whole thing drives me NUTS and I end up not keeping my promise.

So, I think that if at least I can warn both this guy and her GF then, maybe, just maybe he can minimise the sms/calls etc and I will be able to focus on working on the relatiinship.
 
CheesB said:
Yes, you right, the ball is in her court. But here is the thing, she says that she wants to see me "practicing waht I have been preaching and as soon as she is convinced then she will cut all ties with this guy". Now, problem with that is that whole thing drives me NUTS and I end up not keeping my promise.
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No dude, you tell her that she either drops all ties with this guy THEN you practice what you preach or you're not going to bother seeing as it drives you insane.

She's either willing to give you a chance or not. And by the sounds of it she's not willing to do that
 
AcidRaZor said:
No dude, you tell her that she either drops all ties with this guy THEN you practice what you preach or you're not going to bother seeing as it drives you insane.

She's either willing to give you a chance or not. And by the sounds of it she's not willing to do that
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was going to say the exact same thing ... agree totally with Acid
 
cheesB, listen to what you say, you first have to prove urself, and than she will leave that other guy alone ? imagin u didnt have the problems, its like you going to other chicks and testing them before you decide to finaly stay with ur gf, this is sooooo not on, if she rather wants to see other guys, kick her out, i've never said that to someone, but believe me, if a woman starts making those decisions, no,well, i'm sure u will find an even better goddes in bed, and please, if u have problems like that, for heavens sake, y are u stilll bothering ?
 
Dump her. What she is doing to you is sick and twisted, you're just too involved to see it clearly. It doesn't matter if you 'treated her badly', that does NOT excuse cheating in any way - if that was a problem, a normal decent response would be for her to break up with you and then go out with someone else, not just cheat on you. There is NO excuse that "excuses" cheating, ever; a person who looks for an excuse to cheat and attempts to justify cheating, would cheat anyway, because they're just looking for an excuse and sooner or later will always find one. There is no such thing as a "license to cheat". Far as I can tell she's just stuffing you around, obviously doesn't respect you and likely never will. It'll hurt a lot in the beginning, but in the long run you are better off without this trash in your life - if you think it's a stuff-up now, imagine dragging this into an even worse stuff-up ten years from now with kids etc. involved. Chalk it up to learning experience and rather find someone else who is a decent person. She's using a cheating partner as a bargaining chip to try control you, and you pander to that? No man, show her the door. That kind of behaviour is far gone, and she won't change.
 
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@chees: sounds similar to my situation except i was the other guy ... she broke up with her bf (so i thought) ... she comes to joburg and she still sees the guy and stuff i find out (yes i paid for her flight to joburg and stuff to spend time here) ... thats not the good part ... at some point i gave her space to think is she wants to be with her BF, so was not speaking to her for like two months ... in this time ... guy number 3 appears in her life, but then she decides to break up with her BF and date this guy for like two wks, when she gets burned casue the guy is 2 timing her, this broke my heart, everything i thought she was, she was NOT!!! ... i feel like an utter idiot, imagine her bf, or ex, or whatever he is to her now? ... she lied to me lied to him ... just be careful chees ...
 
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CheesB said:
Yes, you right, the ball is in her court. But here is the thing, she says that she wants to see me "practicing waht I have been preaching and as soon as she is convinced then she will cut all ties with this guy". Now, problem with that is that whole thing drives me NUTS and I end up not keeping my promise.

So, I think that if at least I can warn both this guy and her GF then, maybe, just maybe he can minimise the sms/calls etc and I will be able to focus on working on the relatiinship.
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Maybe the ball is actually in your court.
Sorry to be so forward mate but I think you're lying to yourself.
Let me translate her demand for you to clarify what I mean;

her:" I want you to practice what you preach and then maybe I'll ignore this guy"

Translation: " I want you do everything and anything I want without any questions asked.

I will continue with my virtual affair(which incidentally hurts one of my close family members, because she doesn't treat me the way I should be either, right? ;) ) and hopefully work the situation up to a physical relationship.

Otherwise when I tire of this other guy, I'll get myself a new guy to manipulate and control you with.

And because we both know that you'll never be able to, in my opinion, "practice what you preach", I'll do what or whoever I like and you should worship me regardless.
Just in case I might respect you and stop manipulating you one day."

Sorry to put it so harshly but I think you're too close to the situation to really see whats going on.

If she really wanted your relationship to work, why would she complicate and actively sabotage it by involving another guy?
 
i hope he dumped her... Might be the best for him in the long run...
 
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