Marriage/Relationship Advice

Cr419 said:
That's bullshit, even the most important job in the world can wait a bit while you're having dinner at least. Put your foot down on that. Even my small kids will tell you when you come sit at the dinner table with a phone that it's bad manners.
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Will put my foot down more even though it will just mean more time on her phone after dinner
 
FlippyCake said:
Will put my foot down more even though it will just mean more time on her phone after dinner
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Yeah, but at least use that time productively. Or organise an outing for you two alone, somewhere with no reception. Do something personal, something you know she would love. If you want to still try at least.
 
when she's on her emails doing "work", or on her phone, what is her facial expression? Serious, non-chalant, concentration, smiling, happy?
 
DarkDragon said:
I have a question, in ten years time you're with your "soul mate" and she makes radical changes to her appearance, strict gym regiment will you be here asking the same question about another "soul mate" and that you are over wife 2 because her appearance is not appealing to you anymore?
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I don't have a crystal ball so cannot give you an answer to that, but what I can say is that the new chick we connect on a level intellectually like never before. My wife and I used to be able to joke and do silly things all the time, and now she is so serious there is no time for play.

New chick has a sense of humour like my wife and I used to, we can literally talk utter kark for hours and it feels like minutes, where as I cant even get minutes in with my wife and when she does talk to me its an hours rant of how kak her job is.....

Lets hypothetically say new chick and I get together and it goes the same way, I would probably still feel the same about a muscular body but we are both runners and I know its not ever going to be her goal.

If it were to happen I would voice my opinions as I would expect any partner of mine to do.
 
Cr419 said:
Yeah, but at least use that time productively. Or organise an outing for you two alone, somewhere with no reception. Do something personal, something you know she would love. If you want to still try at least.
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Done this not so long ago, booked us a week away where reception was **** at best. She kept taking the car 10kms down the road to quickly check mails and so on, had a huge fight about it
 
HunterNW said:
No one gets married with the idea to divorce. Life happens, schit happens.
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I don't believe that. Maybe not consciously, but you have to think the possibility is somewhere in the back of people's minds given the prevalence of divorce these days.
 
FlippyCake said:
Done this not so long ago, booked us a week away where reception was **** at best. She kept taking the car 10kms down the road to quickly check mails and so on, had a huge fight about it
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Something is very odd there. I would get out, that would not work for me. That's not normal behaviour.
 
FlippyCake said:
I don't have a crystal ball so cannot give you an answer to that, but what I can say is that the new chick we connect on a level intellectually like never before. My wife and I used to be able to joke and do silly things all the time, and now she is so serious there is no time for play.

New chick has a sense of humour like my wife and I used to, we can literally talk utter kark for hours and it feels like minutes, where as I cant even get minutes in with my wife and when she does talk to me its an hours rant of how kak her job is.....

Lets hypothetically say new chick and I get together and it goes the same way, I would probably still feel the same about a muscular body but we are both runners and I know its not ever going to be her goal.

If it were to happen I would voice my opinions as I would expect any partner of mine to do.
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I think you have given up and getting someone else is easier to you then to work things out with your wife.

This conversation you having with us should be with your marriage counselor and wife.
 
FlippyCake said:
Done this not so long ago, booked us a week away where reception was **** at best. She kept taking the car 10kms down the road to quickly check mails and so on, had a huge fight about it
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Yeah this is pretty obvious.
 
Nick333 said:
I don't believe that. Maybe not consciously, but you have to think the possibility is somewhere in the back of people's minds given the prevalence of divorce these days.
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Well..... if i had the smallest idea that a divorce is on my plate in 8 months i wouldn't have gotten married the first time. If i knew it would happen again a second time around in 2 years......i wouldn't have married a second time.
 
Cr419 said:
Something is very odd there. I would get out, that would not work for me. That's not normal behaviour.
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She says with work its a great certainty in her life as she knows if she puts x in she will get y out.

Whereas life can be uncertain.
 
Dude, you have a disinvested wife and a sweet young thang ready to step up. Pull the trigger.
 
FlippyCake said:
She has noticed the lack of intimacy and I have been honest about her body, told her I appreciate the effort and all credit due she does look amazing, I just don't like woman who are that toned and she has always known this. She understands where I am coming from but keep raising the bar at gym, so much so she has been competing at cross fit events
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There's an underlying factor in why she has gone and drastically changed herself and her body. Get to the root of her motivation to make these changes and things will become a lot clearer.

A change like this, especially the long term motivation, speaks to a powerful internal driver. I sincerely doubt the root of the problem lies with you.

I haven't read past page 3 yet, but have you considered that she may have experienced a form of sexual assault or Trauma while away?
 
chefdude98 said:
Please don't get married again. You are going to be ruined financially every time your dick gets excited & you think you have met your "soulmate".
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This reminds me of Allan from 2 and a half men :laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:
 
DMNknight said:
There's an underlying factor in why she has gone and drastically changed herself and her body. Get to the root of her motivation to make these changes and things will become a lot clearer.

A change like this, especially the long term motivation, speaks to a powerful internal driver. I sincerely doubt the root of the problem lies with you.

I haven't read past page 3 yet, but have you considered that she may have experienced a form of sexual assault or Trauma while away?
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She is definitely goal focused and driven, I will give her that hands down. She always accomplishes what she wants to how she wants to.

An underlying factor could be something to think about. Her father passed away when she was 9 and was a pro body builder.

Sexual assault or trauma? Never gave it a seconds thought, I would like to say that if it had happened she would tell me as we have always been open but you never know how people will react to things like that happening
 
schuits said:
That sounds more like work to me than anything.
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Why work 7 days a week for 12 to 13 hours a day when you have a home life and some pressing issues to deal with?

I cant even get her to come outside and garden with me because she gets such huge anxiety about having to leave her phone 15m away at the braai area
 
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