money problems with girls

[winner]

I've been involved with this girl whom i like. Initially It was not my intention to get attacked but that's how it worked out. So far there aren't any problem except our difference in income. We started dating in my final year of varsity so it wasn't much of a problem then. Now that I am working, and earning way more than she makes, It makes us kind of incompatible in a way. She is hiring a room in someone's backyard and I am renting a nice 2 bedroom apartment, struggles to cover her taxi fares a month and I have my own car. My career has a potential for growth but hers is more of a dead end so the situation is likely to get worse and worse Im sure you get the picture of how our lives are so here is the problem

• Guilt of blowing up money on booze with friends while she is struggling to cover her monthly grocery.
• It becomes hard to share your adventures with such a person.
• I don't wanna take care of an adult. Neither is she asking me to so we cool with that
• Other aspects of the relationship are perfect so breaking up is not an option.
• There is always that lingering thought of suspended gold digging because some of her friends are specialists in that

anyone ever had this problem?

 

[Tun@]

Sounds like your looking for excuses to find someone with higher income to go out with which is pretty shallow & self centered.
Set her free.....If you really felt anything for the girl she'd be living with you instead of in someones backyard.

 

[GPS]

Initially It was not my intention to get attacked but that's how it worked out.

 

[Nick333]

I've been involved with this girl whom i like. Initially It was not my intention to get attacked but that's how it worked out. So far there aren't any problem except our difference in income. We started dating in my final year of varsity so it wasn't much of a problem then. Now that I am working, and earning way more than she makes, It makes us kind of incompatible in a way. She is hiring a room in someone's backyard and I am renting a nice 2 bedroom apartment, struggles to cover her taxi fares a month and I have my own car. My career has a potential for growth but hers is more of a dead end so the situation is likely to get worse and worse Im sure you get the picture of how our lives are so here is the problem

• Guilt of blowing up money on booze with friends while she is struggling to cover her monthly grocery.
• It becomes hard to share your adventures with such a person.
• I don't wanna take care of an adult. Neither is she asking me to so we cool with that
• Other aspects of the relationship are perfect so breaking up is not an option.
• There is always that lingering thought of suspended gold digging because some of her friends are specialists in that

anyone ever had this problem?

If she's not making any attempt to upgrade her career prospects or planning to do so I think it's safe to assume that she is planning on marrying up at some stage in order to upgrade her lifestyle. I can see nothing wrong with that per se as long she also want's to be a home maker. The thing is, if that is her life plan she needs to get to it relatively quickly. If a woman wants a family rather than a career her best time to start is as young as possible.

You on the other hand don't seem to want to end up with someone you'll have to support so, probably you should grow up a little and have a talk with her about your relative plans and expectations for life and whether or not they are compatible.

 

[RanzB]

Have you spoken to her about finding a new career or studying further?

 

[pezulu]

If she attacked you, get rid of her as soon as possible.
If you have become attached to her however, you will need to sit down and decide whether you want to spend your life, or a good portion of it anyway, with her.

Are you considering making the relationship more permanent?
Do you have genuine feelings for her, or simply getting your rocks off with her?
Can you see her in your future by your side?
Have you mentioned your concerns to her?

 

[crackersa]

ahh....a relationship where money is more important....this one surely won't last long.

you two need to have a talk and find out what you are actually looking for. believe it or not, but your money could bring more happiness to the relationship.

 

[winner]

If she attacked you, get rid of her as soon as possible.
If you have become attached to her however, you will need to sit down and decide whether you want to spend your life, or a good portion of it anyway, with her. Thats what i was thinking. It will make everything more convenient for both of us.

Are you considering making the relationship more permanent? It came across my mind but I feel we arent there yet
Do you have genuine feelings for her, or simply getting your rocks off with her? I have genuine feelings.
Can you see her in your future by your side? I will actually like that.
Have you mentioned your concerns to her? nope

Big problem is that it will be more convenient for us to move in together but I didn't want us to do that out of necessity but out of mutual agreement that our relationship has reached that level. But I understand the importance of living together in this case.

 

[winner]

Have you spoken to her about finding a new career or studying further?

Yes is thinking of furthering her studies. She is considering registering with UNISA and work part time.

 

[Hamster]

Big problem is that it will be more convenient for us to move in together but I didn't want us to do that out of necessity but out of mutual agreement that our relationship has reached that level. But I understand the importance of living together in this case.

Can't you just ignore the money difference until the relationship reaches that level?


Also, watch this...

 

[winner]

ahh....a relationship where money is more important....this one surely won't last long.

you two need to have a talk and find out what you are actually looking for. believe it or not, but your money could bring more happiness to the relationship.

Ive never been as shallow as you try to portray me here. Problem is that most guys who use the upper head to think do not just take over the girls life. Atleast thats what i think. I personally dont care if the woman I marry is employed or not. Its the period before marriage that is a big problem

 

[winner]

If she's not making any attempt to upgrade her career prospects or planning to do so I think it's safe to assume that she is planning on marrying up at some stage in order to upgrade her lifestyle. I can see nothing wrong with that per se as long she also want's to be a home maker. The thing is, if that is her life plan she needs to get to it relatively quickly. If a woman wants a family rather than a career her best time to start is as young as possible.

You on the other hand don't seem to want to end up with someone you'll have to support so, probably you should grow up a little and have a talk with her about your relative plans and expectations for life and whether or not they are compatible.

She plans to change her career and i've been supportive of that. And I don't mind taking care of wife. just not girlfriend especially when you aren't living together.

 

[winner]

Sounds like your looking for excuses to find someone with higher income to go out with which is pretty shallow & self centered.
Set her free.....If you really felt anything for the girl she'd be living with you instead of in someones backyard.

Cant blame you for thinking that. But how will moving in with a girl because of that work out in a long run in most cases?

 

[MickeyD]

How old is she?
Is she hot? (you know the rules on this one...)
Is she intelligent?

 

[winner]

How old is she? 24. im 26
Is she hot? (you know the rules on this one...)Lol very hot but no thanks on the rules
Is she intelligent?

I wouldnt say intelligent but she is above avarage.

 

[chicken247]

If it floats, flies or ****s rent it by the hour.

 

[winner]

If it floats, flies or ****s rent it by the hour.

What does that even mean

 

[MickeyD]

What does that even mean

Over your lifetime it will work out cheaper to stay single and pay for sex when the need arises...

 

[Zewp]

Ive never been as shallow as you try to portray me here. Problem is that most guys who use the upper head to think do not just take over the girls life. Atleast thats what i think. I personally dont care if the woman I marry is employed or not. Its the period before marriage that is a big problem

Don't worry winner, I understand completely where you're coming from and I think all these people attacking you and calling you immature are actually being morons. There's nothing wrong with you worrying about this and I actually think it shows a lot of maturity on your side.

Was in a similar situation last year, but from the other side. I was kinda sorta seeing someone who had just started working and earning a great salary and I was a student surviving on between R1000-R1500 a month, with my food, electricity, laundry and everything else coming out of that. We always had to do things that could fit my budget. He offered to pay for me for more expensive things on a few occasions but I always declined, because I would feel incredibly uncomfortable if he paid for my stuff. This meant I often couldn't share in everything he wanted to do. It eventually didn't work out because of this, so I understand completely where you're coming from and I think it's a very valid concern.

To all those telling him he's being materialistic and that if he really liked her he would take her in, have you considered how she would feel about that? She would have to become financially dependent on someone else and then become a drain on his resources. Don't you think this would likely make her very uncomfortable? That she might feel a bit like her pride has been diminished? And what happens if 6 months down the line the OP realises the relationship isn't going to work out and they break up? Must he then kick her out on the curb or let her stay with him and continue paying for her until she can find a place of her own again? Because that won't be uncomfortable at all...

It's very easy to sit in our armchairs and say OP must take her in and support her, but it's not that easy in reality.

OP, if you want things to get serious between you two, the best advice is to sit her down and talk to her about it. She might feel offended by it, but tell her how you feel about the situation and hear how she feels about it. It's important to get the issue out of the way early on, because it can ruin the relationship later on.

 

[winner]

Can't you just ignore the money difference until the relationship reaches that level?


Also, watch this...

View attachment 117817

Thats what ive been doing all that time. Despite that, Its not as easy as you think if genuinely care for her. Its not easy to see the person you care about going through life like that when you know the situation is something you can correct but logic dictates that you cant just give your gf money like that. Im not even sure if my rant makes some sort of sense