New(ish) and future parents tips/tricks thread

[Lupus]

Or you know, be supportive of the breast is the best concept and help in another way wherever you can to see it through completely without any formula ever getting involved.

No need to have the conversation at all if that's the case.

Obviously, if feeding naturally is completely impossible then you don't have any other options...but more often than not that "option" seemingly becomes too readily available.

Or maybe drop off your high horse and realise fed is best, if you want to breast feed and can do so, then do so. If you don't want to or can't then don't. As long as the breast fed baby is supplemented with vitamin D and iron + is actually getting enough milk then go for it, if your wife wants to.

 

[Lupus]

Or struggles through and have no issues at all...

Could really go either way mate.

Why struggle through? Breast milk isn't magic, it's freaking milk, even with breast milk baby needs to be supplemented.

 

[Toxxyc]

It's a fantastic unit, and it's hard on her I know. I try to be strong but man, it's hard not to break down a bit when I'm alone (like today, at the office).

 

[SauRoNZA]

Or maybe drop off your high horse and realise fed is best, if you want to breast feed and can do so, then do so. If you don't want to or can't then don't. As long as the breast fed baby is supplemented with vitamin D and iron + is actually getting enough milk then go for it, if your wife wants to.

All I'm saying is that there aren't universal answers that lean either way.

 

[SauRoNZA]

Why struggle through? Breast milk isn't magic, it's freaking milk, even with breast milk baby needs to be supplemented.

Nothing needs to be supplemented, assuming the mother's diet is in order etc.

It literally is magic in that way.

The little struggle has been proven over and over again to be the better option as any paediatrician would tell you that was worth their salt.

Excluding of course any non-standard reason to require outside intervention.

But anyway we've had this rodeo before, no need to repeat it all again.

As I recall @Nerfherder who has a paediatrician literally in the house put it all to rest last time.

 

[scudsucker]

SauRoNZA is not preaching from some imaginary high horse.

Breast is best. We are mammals. That's the fact of nature.

But that is not to say that formula is the devil. Both my kids had both breast milk and formula. Breast milk when my wife could do it; formula when I had to do it. It's stupid to argue that breast milk is not the only choice; augmenting or replacing breast milk with formula is completely OK.

 

[Lupus]

Nothing needs to be supplemented, assuming the mother's diet is in order etc.

It literally is magic in that way.

The little struggle has been proven over and over again to be the better option as any paediatrician would tell you that was worth their salt.

Excluding of course any non-standard reason to require outside intervention.

But anyway we've had this rodeo before, no need to repeat it all again.

As I recall @Nerfherder who has a paediatrician literally in the house put it all to rest last time.

And that's where you are wrong, breast milk doesn't have vitamin d or iron, so you're supposed to be supplementing this.
Also there is no actual real proof that breast is best, it's probably sufficient and okay but it's not magic in the least. Yes we've had the rodeo before and you're one of the reasons some parents will keep trying and actually cause harm to their child or the mother.

 

[Lupus]

SauRoNZA is not preaching from some imaginary high horse.

Breast is best. We are mammals. That's the fact of nature.

But that is not to say that formula is the devil. Both my kids had both breast milk and formula. Breast milk when my wife could do it; formula when I had to do it. It's stupid to argue that breast milk is not the only choice; augmenting or replacing breast milk with formula is completely OK.

Yeah he is preaching, he literally told the guy, perhaps you shouldn't have had that conversation and just pushed on through watching your daughter starve to death, cause you know breast is magic. Whereas it's not. This is my biggest gripe with the lactation squad, you've chosen breast, that's your right, but if someone has tried and failed don't get on the bloody horse and say you didn't try hard enough.
Also breast is not best, it's sufficient, same as formula, if you have clean running water then formula is a perfect replacement.

 

[Lupus]

All I'm saying is that there aren't universal answers that lean either way.

In your eyes it's always breast? That's pretty much your universal answer. Instead of fed is best and do right by your child. As long as either one is sufficiently feeding your child do it, but don't preach one way or the other.
I'm just here to try stop the bloody breast is best brigade and try get people to realise fed is best.

 

[scudsucker]

...

Remember that thing I posted about us humans being mammals?

Imagine if nature had supplied baby mammals with the perfect balance of nutrition, sourced from their mothers. Imagine that.

Seriously, the person on the "high horse" is you, Lupus.

 

[Kosmik]

Fantastic. So, my kid is in NICU. Been stuck there since birth, the 25th. He's not breathing too lekker. X-rays and scans show nothing wrong with his heart or lungs, so the docs say we should just give him time. How much frigging time do I give him? I'm stressed beyond sanity, and I think I'm busy developing an anxiety disorder. It's TERRIFYING. His issue is that his saturation (oxygen in his blood) is low, and isn't picking up like it should. Anyone have any words of encouragement?

Hey Toxxyc. I've been where you are and the first thing to realize is you are not alone AND ITS NOT YOUR FAULT! That last may sound silly but it is extremely important, seven years down the line my wife still questions her worth around this. You obviously have a pead and the NICU nurses to assist you and they will be some of the greatest folks you ever meet as it takes quite a special kind of person to work in that unit. Can I ask why your son in in the unit? Was he prem? Or was it a normal birth with issues in lung development? Is he on ventilator, cpap or just oxygen? Whats his average saturation like?

Besides those questions, I can say it is a time you get over and we are seven years beyond hours but here is my best advice about having a child in the NICU:

1. Breast milk is SUPER important. Yes you can have formula and yes you can get the meal replacement ( can't recall the funny name now ) but breast milk is the best thing for the child, regardless whether feeding is done off breast, bottle or tube.
2. Kangaroo care if possible. We saw it and there are many many records of kangaroo care helping a child in the NICU. That child is more scared than one can imagine, being thrust now into the world and suffering whereas before it was warm, floating and easy.
3. Take it a day at a time. You will have good days and bad days and they should pass.

If you feel like talking directly, pm me but its not a bad idea to share you experience with a broader audience. You will be amazed how many other folks have gone through what you have.

Regards

Kosmik
Father of two
1 @ birth 740grms, 26 week birth , 85 day NICU stay, now 6 years old
2 perfectly normal 2.7kg boy, now 4 years old.

 

[Lupus]

Remember that thing I posted about us humans being mammals?

Imagine if nature had supplied baby mammals with the perfect balance of nutrition, sourced from their mothers. Imagine that.

Seriously, the person on the "high horse" is you, Lupus.

You're aware nature doesn't give two figs if you live or die right? Just because something is natural doesn't mean it's the best solution, if that was the case why do you take aspirin for pain and not chew on the bark of the willow tree anymore. Also breast milk lacks iron and vitamin d, you're supposed to supplement your kids with it.
Before formulas you know how many kids died due to malnutrition? Do you know there were jobs called wet nurses because they literally were paid to feed other peoples kids, how is that the best solution? When you've got formula which can sufficiently feed your baby and you don't have to worry about them possibly starving.
As I've said over and over, if you or your wife can breast feed go for it, if you don't want to go for it, if you can't then don't stress over it. Either way your child will turn out perfectly fine if they are fed properly.

 

[SauRoNZA]

In your eyes it's always breast? That's pretty much your universal answer. Instead of fed is best and do right by your child. As long as either one is sufficiently feeding your child do it, but don't preach one way or the other.
I'm just here to try stop the bloody breast is best brigade and try get people to realise fed is best.

Nowhere once did I use the word "always".

You'll see I specifically went to mention that not all things are universally the same.

I'm simply saying to encourage a jump to formula at the earliest possible CONVENIENCE (which is what it is most of the time, not actual struggle) is not the right thing to do for your kid if you can help it.

Done.

 

[scudsucker]

You're aware nature doesn't give two figs if you live or die right? Just because something is natural doesn't mean it's the best solution, if that was the case why do you take aspirin for pain and not chew on the bark of the willow tree anymore.

I think you do not grasp the main thrust of the theory of evolution.

But hey. You are alive today. I guess your mom gave you iron & vitamin D supplements.


Additionally, what service do you suggest wet nurses offered? Hint: it was not making bottles of formula.

 

[KleinBoontjie]

I think what I learnt is, it is not rockets science at all. If you keep food in the house and get them clothes, they basically grow up themselves, without much interferance from my side. I just make sure I stay out of their way.
Maybe, also, never practice those old wives tricks, that you get from mother in law.

 

[Lupus]

Nowhere once did I use the word "always".

You'll see I specifically went to mention that not all things are universally the same.

I'm simply saying to encourage a jump to formula at the earliest possible CONVENIENCE (which is what it is most of the time, not actual struggle) is not the right thing to do for your kid if you can help it.

Done.

Oh okay now I get you, so basically it's okay if the child is starving, as you know it's only about convenience parents swap over to formula is that it? It's only because apparently formula is convenient that they swap over, no other valid reason. Sheesh dude seriously, it's not about convenience, especially if you're up at 4am boiling the kettle, trying to carefully measure out the little spoons into the bottle mixing it, cooling it down with a screaming child. But yeah that's a lot more convenient then just whipping out the breast right? Oh wait you'd probably not even know as you've probably never actually done a night time feed.

 

[Lupus]

I think you do not grasp the main thrust of the theory of evolution.

But hey. You are alive today. I guess your mom gave you iron & vitamin D supplements.


Additionally, what service do you suggest wet nurses offered? Hint: it was not making bottles of formula.

That's not the main thrust of the theory of evolution at all, perhaps you should read up on it.
I was formula fed as my mom had issues with production so yes I was supplemented those thankfully.
I know what service a wet nurse was, hence why you don't actually need them today, but for some reason the lactation squad seems to have latched on to them again.

Anyway we've diverted the original OP's thread.

 

[Toxxyc]

Hey Toxxyc. I've been where you are and the first thing to realize is you are not alone AND ITS NOT YOUR FAULT! That last may sound silly but it is extremely important, seven years down the line my wife still questions her worth around this. You obviously have a pead and the NICU nurses to assist you and they will be some of the greatest folks you ever meet as it takes quite a special kind of person to work in that unit. Can I ask why your son in in the unit? Was he prem? Or was it a normal birth with issues in lung development? Is he on ventilator, cpap or just oxygen? Whats his average saturation like?

Besides those questions, I can say it is a time you get over and we are seven years beyond hours but here is my best advice about having a child in the NICU:

1. Breast milk is SUPER important. Yes you can have formula and yes you can get the meal replacement ( can't recall the funny name now ) but breast milk is the best thing for the child, regardless whether feeding is done off breast, bottle or tube.
2. Kangaroo care if possible. We saw it and there are many many records of kangaroo care helping a child in the NICU. That child is more scared than one can imagine, being thrust now into the world and suffering whereas before it was warm, floating and easy.
3. Take it a day at a time. You will have good days and bad days and they should pass.

If you feel like talking directly, pm me but its not a bad idea to share you experience with a broader audience. You will be amazed how many other folks have gone through what you have.

Regards

Kosmik
Father of two
1 @ birth 740grms, 26 week birth , 85 day NICU stay, now 6 years old
2 perfectly normal 2.7kg boy, now 4 years old.

Ey man, yeah we're not alone, thankfully! He's in the NICU because he struggled to get his saturation up after birth. He was born from a gestational diabetes mother with a c-section. He swallowed water at birth, struggled to get it all out and then picked up an infection. He's been in there for just over a week now (16:00 today marks 8 days). He simply isn't coming off the oxygen. We was born at 38 weeks, according to our measurements, although the pead now thinks he might have been closer to 37 weeks at the time. There hasn't been a need for CPAP or ventilator yet, but he's on his 3rd course of antibiotics now. They took him off oxygen again yesterday morning and he coped well until late this morning when he desaturated again.

His avg saturation is around 93% now, if I have to guess, but it keeps dropping from time to time. He does recover, but sometimes it takes too long and it's nerve-wrecking experience when that happens. He also had a mild case of jaundice (which I'm not too worried about).

Right now we're there as much as possible. My wife breastfeeds when she's there, and pumps for nighttime feeds when she's not. There's not a shortage of milk yet, so that's good news. We're trying the Kangaroo thing but the pead also said that it's more helpful in preemies, and for him it'll just be comfort, so we just hold him while we're there.

Oh, he also has sinus issues, so that worsens the saturation issue, and he also has apnea, so we have to get a monitor for him (already ordered).

PS I know it's not our fault, but my dudes, it's hard coping with this. I'm struggling to eat, I barely sleep and when I do sleep I dream so vividly I'm awake every half hour. Emotionally I'm a wreck - I just take a look at one of his pictures and I have to choke back tears, even in the office. I can only imagine what my wife's going through - on top of her hormones and everything being all over the place right now.

EDIT: Oh, about his saturation, when they took him off first time it spent most of it's time under 90 - so not good. On LIGHT O2 (like 25%), his saturation is at 98~100 all the time, so this is that last stretch, but that's the last bit of stretching we're having so much difficulty with right now.

 

[Lupus]

I think what I learnt is, it is not rockets science at all. If you keep food in the house and get them clothes, they basically grow up themselves, without much interferance from my side. I just make sure I stay out of their way.
Maybe, also, never practice those old wives tricks, that you get from mother in law.

This is a big thing, they really do seem to just hit a point and they don't seem to need you as much anymore. Kind of sad actually :-(. Even at 7 my son I feel is way to independent sometimes.

 

[scudsucker]

Oh okay now I get you, so basically it's okay if the child is starving, as you know it's only about convenience parents swap over to formula is that it? It's only because apparently formula is convenient that they swap over, no other valid reason. Sheesh dude seriously, it's not about convenience, especially if you're up at 4am boiling the kettle, trying to carefully measure out the little spoons into the bottle mixing it, cooling it down with a screaming child. But yeah that's a lot more convenient then just whipping out the breast right? Oh wait you'd probably not even know as you've probably never actually done a night time feed.

Intelligent parents have a thermos flask of hot water set up so there is no kettle boiling. And previously measured amounts of formula, in a container or already in the bottles. These two things make night feeds a lot easier.

If you've not grasped these simple steps, I doubt you've done a night feed.