Open Relationships?

Hagu13 said:
Open relationship means your partner can go out on dates and have sex with other people without you being around
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So you mean cheating? But the kind that the other partner allows and encourages..
 
chefdude98 said:
Oh please man. He probably a typical man that wants to live out his caveman fantasies and watch 2 women have sex.

The way straight men fetishize gay & bi women is kinda creepy.

Btw I have seen this happen when I go out with a lipstick lesbian couple i socialise with.
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Or he is a mature adult that cares about someone rather than objectifies them? There are plenty of guys who DO objectify and fetishize women, but in this case it seems like he is asking for a way to assist his partner
 
Seeing as we are doing definitions then I suppose:
Swinging- you and your partner have sex with a third person, or a group of people
Open- you or your partner goes out on dates and possibly has sex with another person. Differs from cheating as it is done openly and with consent all round.
Polyamory- as above but they now fall in love and this situation is accepted by all. Person might move in, or not. No guarantee of a threesome
 
Anti-Chris said:
@Grimis screw whatever society tells you is normal and what you have to and should not do... Do whatever works for you and makes you happy as long as it doesn't harm others in the process.
I can use my life as an example:
My wife and I got married very young (20 and 19) - They told us we were too young and it wouldn't last.
I didn't have a stable job or alot of money - They told us to first build a career.
We had 2 kids very early (at 22 and 21 we already had 2 kids)- Again, told us that we should wait
We started exploring swinging after 2 years of marriage - They will tell you it will affect your marriage and the marriage wont last

Today, we have been very happily married for 15 years, we are still best friends and do everything together. We went through tough times, but I believe it helped us build character and strengthened our relationship, because we know that we can depend on each other. 2 awesome kids that makes us proud, we are still young enough to enjoy most things with them, because the generation gap is not that big.
We have moved from swinging to a more "open" relationship that mostly involves her having male "lovers", mostly just for the sexual pleasures since we are emotionally 100% committed to each other. Our needs comes first before any 3rd parties needs or arrangements.
We trust each other 100% and we are 100% honest with one another.
Our relationship works for us, we are happy in it, does not hurt or harm anyone, why the hell, should it bother anyone what we do or how we do it.
Discuss it openly and set boundaries from the start. Be 100% honest with each other, if you think there might be the slightest chance that you would want to be "experiment" with your wife's girlfriend for instance, mention it from the start.
Enjoy life to the fullest, don't limit your happiness because of what any "holy" book might or might not say. They are all bullshit in any case.
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Thank you for this honesty. We have also been together forever and she is literally my best friend. Also been through utter thick and thin along the way and there were times we didnt think we'd make it, and we've also proved every bloody person wrong. Now there is jealously from other couples we do know and we become the yardstick of sorts. No children involved who could get hurt\harmed either.

In terms of experimenting with the her partner, what man doesnt enjoy the thought of being with 2 ladies? This was a big thought in my twenties and has dwindled as life got fuller, busier and so forth. For now its just not on the table, too much juggling and I'd prefer she be happy, and that makes me happy. Happy wife, happy life. Or hippie wife, happy life. I cant bare the thought of her with another man, so that is also not on the table and its out in the open. I'll be supportive in any manner I can be, makes me happy to see her happy and if people wanna call cuck, whatever, learn to make a woman truly happy and she will do the same for you.


SauRoNZA said:
I'm not sure sexuality really makes much difference to the equation short of it sometimes being easier for the other partner to "let go" if it's a same-sex attraction rather than one the same as their own where they would need to compete.

Especially when it's a male that is expected to allow things, they struggle to deal with another man getting it on with their wife.



I just wonder how many of those aren't truly happy with themselves and simply suffer through it and how many are legitimately fine with it.

You are right on one thing though and that's the fact that it's harder (and that's not a pun) to be in an open relationship and not the cop out easy path most people would think it is.

Polyamory is different and I kind of think the next evolution of an open or rather non-binary relationship where the third party becomes part of the family nucleus and everyone works together as part of the same team. My wife and I would have loved a second wife in the house just to make it easier to get **** done and this is actually a non-sexual concept.
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Family dynamics certainly are changing, and for me the reason is the millennials looking up and seeing that yes 6 out of 10 marriages fail, they dont want to be locked into a monogamous relationship because all they see is strife and failure, and inevitably parents fighting and staying together 'for the children'. They live online and life is changing hella-fast. 3 or even more parenting people in a household is becoming more prevalent whether people agree with it or not.


Emjay said:
Open relationship as in free to date other people, or just sleep with them?

Women cannot separate out sex from the emotions as easily as men can. The OP's wife/girlfriend will eventually develop emotions for whomever she chooses to engage with.

I know of couples who swing together, and are happily married, and it works for them, and enhances their relationship. They however have very, very strong boundaries and rules, and are fully committed to EACH OTHER. Not one partner saying she can do what she wants because he wants her to be happy. This is a surefire path to resentment. And, sorry, if you think that you are not that type, then maybe you are not that invested in your s/o?

I suggest the OP reach out to someone established in a swinging community and have a discussion with them.
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Yes men can compartmentalize differently to women, yes everything is tied up in the emotional steel-wool which they run on, and its on fire. Feelings developing are a very real expectation, she is free to have a side-chick, friends with benefits or even date. I have complete trust in her.


The_MAC said:
Bad idea. If your wife/partner is boring, divorce him/her and get another one, then divorce the next one when they get boring, get the idea?

Grow up and get to a point in your life where you realise that you are building a relationship for life here, not a frickin fantasy life of all your favourite things (which by the way is very achievable with a single partner, that and more).
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Really? Telling me to grow up... We've built the relationship, to some believe me it does appear fantastic. Worked kak hard over more than 15 years building this and not about to toss it away. You clearly havnt even read the thread well.
 
Grimis said:
Really? Telling me to grow up... We've built the relationship, to some believe me it does appear fantastic. Worked kak hard over more than 15 years building this and not about to toss it away. You clearly havnt even read the thread well.
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Well it clearly isn't worth much then since we having this conversation..
 
STS said:
Or he is a mature adult that cares about someone rather than objectifies them? There are plenty of guys who DO objectify and fetishize women, but in this case it seems like he is asking for a way to assist his partner
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But is it healthy to care about somebody more than you care about yourself or your wellbeing? images (1).jpeg
 
STS said:
Yes we are unique little flowers, which is why we have 1000 arguments on mybb every day. 2 people that agree on 10 topics will disagree on 10 other topics tomorrow.

Guy asked for advice, not judgement or bets
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That just means people are wrong, not that they are unique.

If someone was here asking for advice on how to cut off an arm with a chainsaw would your attitude be the same?
 
Milano said:
@Grimis

What are some of the boundaries you intend to propose?
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No men for starters. She's happy with that for various reasons and other details I am not going to share here.
Preferably somebody who isnt in a relationship, or perhaps another married woman who is in the same (exact same) boat.
Honesty, though there is little reason for me to doubt, SO cannot drive for example - other issues\details which exist in our life.
First time needs to be somewhere close so that an exit plan is easily possible.

Have you got other boundary suggestions which may fit into the explanation above?
 
chefdude98 said:
Oh please man. He probably a typical man that wants to live out his caveman fantasies and watch 2 women have sex.

The way straight men fetishize gay & bi women is kinda creepy.

Btw I have seen this happen when I go out with a lipstick lesbian couple i socialise with.
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The way gay men fetishize straight men is a bit creepy...
 
Nick333 said:
That just means people are wrong, not that they are unique.

If someone was here asking for advice on how to cut off an arm with a chainsaw would your attitude be the same?
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But you are a person and part of people, so you can also be wrong? :p
 
Nick333 said:
That just means people are wrong, not that they are unique.
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I don't agree. People have different needs/emotions/views in life. There are women that marry for money... it suits him and her. Who are we to judge? Does it make it wrong? Both are happy.

Because you view it as wrong, doesn't make it wrong. If they are happy who cares?

ps. I'm not promoting Open Relationship. I'm just saying..
 
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