Life is not all about running after each and every attraction, it’s not all about you, and what you want. What about when a guy and one of the random’s he has sex with falls pregnant? I’m sure that would put everything into perspective very quickly. Sometime’s protection alone isn’t enough to be responsible, maybe choosing to sleep with a lot of people is being irresponsible. But that is a whole new forum topic.
I feel, that when you love someone, and you are attracted to someone else, you leave it alone, because you love the other person and you’ll do anything to protect the relationship because you know what u have and you know you are lucky? & most people im sure can clearly see that how having an open relationship would be harmful to the main relationship. What you feel for the other people is lust, it’s not because you are jealous, and fearful, but because you are nurturing something bigger than you and your partner and sex.
I've answered this twice already.
Also the reasons people give for being against an open marriage are:
1. Jealousy - They need to possess their partners and cannot stand the idea of someone else having sex with them
2. Insecurity - They are afraid that their partner will leave them for someone else.
Yes, im sure jealousy might come into play when finding out that your wife/husband has been with someone else. But that is certainly not the reason why I think people choose to be monogamous.
You are protecting a solid relationship, between two people. That no amount of random sex with other people can ever compare to.
As for choosing monogamy because you are insecure, Then could we not say that an insecure person would feel the need to run around without their partner and chase second looks and every attraction that they feel. I would think a secure person wouldn’t need validation from people outside of an already loving/ stable relationship through sex, and then feel secure and complete knowing they can have sex with people outside of a core relationship.. what are you trying to prove to yourself.
I get why people want to have open relationships, I don’t fully agree with it and the ideas behind it and think that people are playing a dangerous game but I guess if you know how to play it then maybe it will work for you.
I for example have never been jealous over my boyfriend’s. I feel complimented when other women hit on my boyfriends, etc. As for my boyfriend going out without me and seeking sex with other women ? & then to come home and tell me all about it.. as if it were a favour he did me fondly….
I would feel that he has no respect for me, himself or our relationship, Its not about oh im jealous now because I cant handle the thought of you touching another women. If you love your partner, and if you are satisfied in the relationship, meaning, you are getting everything you need and want from your partner (and if you are not,then you are probably not with the right person) then you would’nt have the desire to go out and look for more of what you think you need or want.
As with my response to gdiza, I'd love to have a sit around the table conversation about this and hear the reasons why not... the usual response is that people would never do it but when pushed as to why the answers are never convincing. And this is not a dig at those who say they wouldn't, it is just an attempt to understand the reasoning. Obviously societal norms dictate that it is not "normal" but I always wonder if that is the sum total of it.
@Lancelot, maybe this post answers your question..from my point of view.
