Partner's health issues affecting relationship.

SauRoNZA said:
I didn’t go through all your posts, just the initial threads created.

Diagnosing these kinds of things can be extremely hard and sadly often seems to be a lucky draw of either ending up in hospital where they can poke and prob or just happening to mention the right things to the right doctor who goes down the right avenue.

I was told I had “spastic colon” back in the old days and then later IBS when they gave it a new bullshit name for “we don’t actually know” and always have more fibre it will make it all better was the solution.

It took projectile vomiting and a full blown bowel obstruction at age 30 to put me in hospital and have every test, scan and X-ray done to discover I have Crohn’s Disease which also means fibre is absolutely the worst thing possible you can do.

So for years I was misdiagnosed and mistreating myself with completely the wrong remedies and just making it worse and then suddenly it with basically two weeks of nothing but liquids I was entirely reset and pain free (other than being ****ing hungry) for the first time in my adult life and then started the slow process of dietary change and life improvement.

Now some ten years later just knowing at least one part of the puzzle makes life so much easier even though I’m pretty sure there is another underlying issue I’m also not her aware of.

Some of it could be caused by my medication, but this has also been changed a few times over the years with little difference.

I have weird skin issues. At times I’ve had weird sunburn like sensations on the entire one side of my body without anything showing. I can hardly walk 1km in “plakkies” without socks on and I get these legions on my feet at all friction points.

I have constant bone and joint pain. When I say constant I mean just sitting dead still I can feel almost every joint in my body “creaking” or the bones straining, something normal people aren’t aware of. It’s similar to if you’ve broken bones before and it’s now a cold weather day. Then on bad days that flares up in my knees, ankles, wrists etc to the point it wakes me up at night and I can’t go back to sleep.

At times the muscles in my feet underneath where it joins your heel, can’t remember what it’s called now is so sore and tight that I basically can’t walk.

Then there is the actual bowel related pain. This is actually fairly controlled most of the time but can go off kilter and then it’s debilitating as I can’t really walk fully upright comfortably or sit at a desk, but this is where WFH has been an absolute blessing in disguise as I can still work happily without taking sick leave like in the past.

In between I have extreme bouts of fatigue and the as I’m getting older I have more and more uncontrolled spasms/twitches which will often see me throw my own coffee on myself or stuff like that which is where a family history of Parkinson’s and MS has me concerned, but I’m ignoring it until it becomes a daily problem.

I’m not saying any of this for sympathy, I’ve lived with it for a long time and built a bridge and gotten over it, but rather for illustration that chronic pain is a very real thing and I wouldn’t jump too quickly to assuming it’s all in her head because like I said I went undiagnosed while actively looking until I was 30.

That being said it can of course be all in her head and it would be a good idea to at the very least clear that up by having her seeing someone.

What medication is she on at the moment? How often? Does she exercise much?

What are the symptoms outside of the endo parts of the month?

Exercise was and still is the hardest thing on the planet for me to motivate myself to do, but it does help a hell of a lot once you fight through the initial pain of getting going.
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How much would you pay to make it all go away?
 
Pak Fa Fui said:
How much would you pay to make it all go away?
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If it could be guaranteed I’d definitely put a large proportion of my life savings towards it.

I always joke that the moment there is experimental treatment to replace all our insides with cybernetics/robotics or whatever one would call it that I’ll be first in line.

Similar to your question my wife and I have actually discussed how frequently getting an “oil change” (think dialysis) would be worth it if that was the compromise for having it all go away the rest of the time.

I’d say four hours a week to “recycle” my insides if there was no pain or problems the rest of the week would be well worth it.
 
Gruntled said:
We've been married for over ten years. We are in our thirties. Wife is a few years older than me and has a few ongoing health problems. I don't want to come across as unsympathetic but it is difficult to be supportive of somebody who is constantly complaining about their health on a daily basis. In fact, it is generally several complaints per day.
Once one issue has been resolved, the next thing seems to come up from various sicknesses to various aches, pains and injuries. We have decent medical aid but it's practically used up for this year with all the doc, physio and pharmacy visits.
I can't help but suspect that she is a bit of a hypochondriac and for whatever reason often thinks that even the doctors diagnosis are wrong because whatever treatment is prescribed doesn't usually work. She is also very fond of googling things and comping up with diagnosis herself. To be honest, I can't remember a day that she has not been sick or in pain during the past eight months.
Sadly she does also have some genuine, confirmed medical problems which makes it difficult to understand when a particular complaint might be legit, slightly exaggerated or even possibly psychosomatic. I realise that perhaps we must speak to a therapist to determine whether there is a non-physical cause for all of this but she is and has always been very closed off to the idea of seeing a psychologist even though she has also faced some depression previously in her life.
I don't really know what I'm going to get from posting this on a discussion board like this but maybe I just need to vent. Maybe someone can identify with this problem and I'll know I'm not alone. Maybe there's even some good advice to be had.
Anyways. Bye for now.
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I have one statement. Unfortunately it's long.

If you're not religious, just ignore the god and Buddha references. They're irrelevant to the issue.

Please do not take this as any kind of doctrine, nor think that there is anything you or your partner can "do" to resolve this issue. "Doing" something is what has given rise to this issue in the first place. This is simply a story to listen to and draw your own conclusions.

If you choose to listen, and you can find value in the teaching, feel free to present this to your partner for consideration.

If you choose to do so, you only have one responsibility: To present the lesson from a place of compassion. Instead of just WhatsApping it to them and saying: "Here, listen to this guy and get over your ****.", create a dialog. Voice your concerns. Explain any shift in perspective you may have gained from listening, and explain why you think it might be of value to your partner. Do not thrust it upon them. Open your heart to this person, instead of creating the impression that there is a deficiency. If your partner chooses to listen, do not mention it again. This is for them, not for you. If they wish to open a dialog at a later stage, be a warm, comfortable space for them to open to you. There's nothing more you can do that can change this person's nature, unless they want to. Any conscious attempt by you to force change will fail, and only amplify your own suffering. That's why you're here in the first place.

All the best ser.

 
SauRoNZA said:
If it could be guaranteed I’d definitely put a large proportion of my life savings towards it.

I always joke that the moment there is experimental treatment to replace all our insides with cybernetics/robotics or whatever one would call it that I’ll be first in line.

Similar to your question my wife and I have actually discussed how frequently getting an “oil change” (think dialysis) would be worth it if that was the compromise for having it all go away the rest of the time.

I’d say four hours a week to “recycle” my insides if there was no pain or problems the rest of the week would be well worth it.
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You go for dialysis as well
 
Pak Fa Fui said:
You go for dialysis as well
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Again, I’m not sure if you can read.

It would explain a hell of a lot. You have the comprehension ability of a bot and the same one liner responses.

I’m done with your crap now, if you can’t be bothered to make an effort then I’m certainly not wasting my time.
 
SauRoNZA said:
Again, I’m not sure if you can read.

It would explain a hell of a lot. You have the comprehension ability of a bot and the same one liner responses.

I’m done with your crap now, if you can’t be bothered to make an effort then I’m certainly not wasting my time.
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Just clarification, I’ve noticed how scatter brained you can be.
either way, good luck
 
Pak Fa Fui said:
Just clarification, I’ve noticed how scatter brained you can be.
either way, good luck
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No, you failed to comprehend and then tried to clarify something already fully understood because you didn’t bother to read properly.

There is nothing scatter brained about anything I say, you just like to confuse yourself by failing to read properly.

Now go troll somewhere else, the fully formed adults have had enough of your kak.
 
SauRoNZA said:
No, you failed to comprehend and then tried to clarify something already fully understood because you didn’t bother to read properly.

There is nothing scatter brained about anything I say, you just like to confuse yourself by failing to read properly.

Now go troll somewhere else, the fully formed adults have had enough of your kak.
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Scatter brained or purpose driven misdirection whatever you want to call it.
 
C4Cat said:
Endo can be hell, she has my sympathy. I have a friend who has it really badly too, pain so bad she passes out. Endometriosis can also compromise the immune system so sufferers often get sick easily from other things, unfortunately. Someone else mentioned weed and I can confirm that cannabis does actually help manage the pain, she makes a tea with it, rather than smoking it, but I'm sure smoking or vaping would work too. She says while it doesn't make the pain go away it does somehow make it easier to manage and to function.
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As a non weed family, can you pm more details. She tries not to used medication but some times it is really bad. I suppose I can find a Rasta or contact a weed smoker to get the weed but then what. Total noob.
 
Good diet and exercise. If she doesn't want to and still complain that would be it for me.
 
rh1 said:
As a non weed family, can you pm more details. She tries not to used medication but some times it is really bad. I suppose I can find a Rasta or contact a weed smoker to get the weed but then what. Total noob.
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What about CBD gummies instead?
 
rh1 said:
As a non weed family, can you pm more details. She tries not to used medication but some times it is really bad. I suppose I can find a Rasta or contact a weed smoker to get the weed but then what. Total noob.
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I don't really know where to get it myself anymore, or exactly how she uses it, she just said she makes a tea from it. I'm sure you could google the best way to use it once you have obtained some. As others have said, it's pretty easy these days to buy it.
 
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