Partner's health issues affecting relationship.

SauRoNZA said:
It does complicate things unnecessarily.

Took us almost three years to conceive doing everything else perfectly right.

Luckily we avoided any miscarriages, otherwise I can see us being in a very similar boat. The struggles of just getting pregnant was already enough of a strain.

By some dumb luck the second one was a breeze.

Don’t stop trying.
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Your wife has endometriosis ?
 
3WA said:
I'm sure they would get over it if they just concentrated.
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While I'm on the ologies punt

I don't have it but it's a very real thing

Here have a listen you might learn something

www.alieward.com

Attention-Deficit Neuropsychology (ADHD) Part 1 with Dr. Russell Barkley — alie ward

Focus. Productivity. Relationships. Distraction. Neurodiversity. How do you know if you have ADHD? How can you get others to understand your ADHD brain? What are your treatment options and how can they help? In Part 1, we talk racing thoughts, brilliant brains and the causes and effects of Attention
www.alieward.com www.alieward.com

Pls note ologies isn't only illnesses but covers everything from the study of bats beer and everything in between.

If I learnt anything from it its how misdiagnosed and not properly treated it it.
 
Snyper564 said:
While I'm on the ologies punt

I don't have it but it's a very real thing

Here have a listen you might learn something

www.alieward.com

Attention-Deficit Neuropsychology (ADHD) Part 1 with Dr. Russell Barkley — alie ward

Focus. Productivity. Relationships. Distraction. Neurodiversity. How do you know if you have ADHD? How can you get others to understand your ADHD brain? What are your treatment options and how can they help? In Part 1, we talk racing thoughts, brilliant brains and the causes and effects of Attention
www.alieward.com www.alieward.com

Pls note ologies isn't only illnesses but covers everything from the study of bats beer and everything in between.
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I was obviously trolling, just like Pak!

But I did actually listen to the pain ology last night. Thanks for the punt.
 
3WA said:
I was obviously trolling, just like Pak!

But I did actually listen to the pain ology last night. Thanks for the punt.
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No problem :) absolutely love the series and have learned alot about alot of things I didn't know before!
 
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Gruntled said:
She has endometriosis. Causes abnormal pain during menstruation. Had multiple surgeries during her life and it just returns after a while.
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Endo can be hell, she has my sympathy. I have a friend who has it really badly too, pain so bad she passes out. Endometriosis can also compromise the immune system so sufferers often get sick easily from other things, unfortunately. Someone else mentioned weed and I can confirm that cannabis does actually help manage the pain, she makes a tea with it, rather than smoking it, but I'm sure smoking or vaping would work too. She says while it doesn't make the pain go away it does somehow make it easier to manage and to function.
 
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C4Cat said:
Endo can be hell, she has my sympathy. I have a friend who has it really badly too, pain so bad she passes out. Endometriosis can also compromise the immune system so sufferers often get sick easily from other things, unfortunately. Someone else mentioned weed and I can confirm that cannabis does actually help manage the pain, she makes a tea with it, rather than smoking it, but I'm sure smoking or vaping would work too. She says while it doesn't make the pain go away it does somehow make it easier to manage and to function.
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Hence the Nutella + Weed mix as it’s an easy enough edible to partake in regularly and taken at bed time doesn’t really matter too much if you get slightly baked.

But these days you have so many options for buying edibles probably easier to just get something you like off 420Monkeys than making your own at home.
 
SauRoNZA said:
Hence the Nutella + Weed mix as it’s an easy enough edible to partake in regularly and taken at bed time doesn’t really matter too much if you get slightly baked.

But these days you have so many options for buying edibles probably easier to just get something you like off 420Monkeys than making your own at home.
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Do you use your “illness” to justify your weed fix?
 
Pak Fa Fui said:
Do you use your “illness” to justify your weed fix?
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Nope, this was for my father who was a quadriplegic after surviving a double stroke for some 13 years.

I can’t function properly at work or home when using weed, as much as it does help a great deal for pain.

When I do partake it needs to be at a long weekend or before I am on leave and don’t have kids at home etc.
 
SauRoNZA said:
OP going by your posting history I can only diagnose the underlying problem as a sheer lack of fortitude on your part.

As someone who suffers from an auto-immune disease and almost constant chronic pain, it is a very real thing.

Endometriosis is also quite debilitating but can be addressed at least.

Odds are there is an underlying problem and it’s not all in her head. Chronic pain is a maddening problem and simply can’t be understood by people who don’t suffer it themselves even in its mildest forms.

She can try edibles as an alternative remedy but it can be hard to find a reasonable dose that doesn’t get her entirely **** faced.

Nutella mixed with weed and taken before bedtime can be a good option that doesn’t affect the day to day the next day too much.

Ultimately on the face of it this seems more of a you problem than a her problem though.

What are her other ailments/symptoms outside of the endo?
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if u have gone through my post history then you would have seen what other ailments I was talking about. The most recent being her injuring herslef on a ladder and several doctors visits and physio treatments later it now seems worse than it was at first. Any other injury or sickness is pretty much the same - imagine something along the lines of "man flu" like women call it. whatever the most recent ailment is, it's the worst thing ever. She grunts and groans and moans about it repeatedly. Despite getting attention, treatment, medical care, whatever. If she did have an auto immune disease then surely a medical professional would have picked it up by now? As it stands, the docs and physios are baffled because their treatments aren't working and she just keeps coming back worse off than before. Even if she bumps her toe - the pain is allegedly excrutiating to the point where she will complain about it for hours on end, pull faces, grunt, groan, etc. about it.

Endometriosis is not the issue here. She suffers it 5 days a month and then some other health matter takes over for 90% of our lives. the white knights on this forum seem to want to crucify me because how dare I make a thing about a woman who suffers from endo? Again, the endo is not the problem.
 
RedViking said:
My wife got sick couple of months after we got married. No need to tell you what it is. I have been taking care of her ever since.

Washing machine and hang up.
Clean the house (aka put stuff in dishwasher and pack out)
Drive her around.
Fetch her meds.
Work very hard and long hours.
Make food.
Walk the dogs and feed them.
Get the bed ready before she goes to sleep.
Repeat.
7 years now.

She helps when she can. So I don't do all of this ALL the time. She has bad days and she has very bad days. Now and then a couple of good days. Sometimes I just cant keep up and then she tries her best even though she feels like crap.
Sometimes some good days then we escape to the Midlands.

One thing she does not do is complain. Yes, she has her low moments, and it breaks my heart, but most of the time she does more than people who have the best health in the world.
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almost the same type of situation here. Sorry that you have to go through this, life sure can suck *** sometimes.

With us it also isn't all bad which is why I wouldn't end a relationship over this particular problem.
 
Gruntled said:
if u have gone through my post history then you would have seen what other ailments I was talking about. The most recent being her injuring herslef on a ladder and several doctors visits and physio treatments later it now seems worse than it was at first. Any other injury or sickness is pretty much the same - imagine something along the lines of "man flu" like women call it. whatever the most recent ailment is, it's the worst thing ever. She grunts and groans and moans about it repeatedly. Despite getting attention, treatment, medical care, whatever. If she did have an auto immune disease then surely a medical professional would have picked it up by now? As it stands, the docs and physios are baffled because their treatments aren't working and she just keeps coming back worse off than before. Even if she bumps her toe - the pain is allegedly excrutiating to the point where she will complain about it for hours on end, pull faces, grunt, groan, etc. about it.

Endometriosis is not the issue here. She suffers it 5 days a month and then some other health matter takes over for 90% of our lives. the white knights on this forum seem to want to crucify me because how dare I make a thing about a woman who suffers from endo? Again, the endo is not the problem.
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I didn’t go through all your posts, just the initial threads created.

Diagnosing these kinds of things can be extremely hard and sadly often seems to be a lucky draw of either ending up in hospital where they can poke and prob or just happening to mention the right things to the right doctor who goes down the right avenue.

I was told I had “spastic colon” back in the old days and then later IBS when they gave it a new bullshit name for “we don’t actually know” and always have more fibre it will make it all better was the solution.

It took projectile vomiting and a full blown bowel obstruction at age 30 to put me in hospital and have every test, scan and X-ray done to discover I have Crohn’s Disease which also means fibre is absolutely the worst thing possible you can do.

So for years I was misdiagnosed and mistreating myself with completely the wrong remedies and just making it worse and then suddenly it with basically two weeks of nothing but liquids I was entirely reset and pain free (other than being ****ing hungry) for the first time in my adult life and then started the slow process of dietary change and life improvement.

Now some ten years later just knowing at least one part of the puzzle makes life so much easier even though I’m pretty sure there is another underlying issue I’m also not her aware of.

Some of it could be caused by my medication, but this has also been changed a few times over the years with little difference.

I have weird skin issues. At times I’ve had weird sunburn like sensations on the entire one side of my body without anything showing. I can hardly walk 1km in “plakkies” without socks on and I get these legions on my feet at all friction points.

I have constant bone and joint pain. When I say constant I mean just sitting dead still I can feel almost every joint in my body “creaking” or the bones straining, something normal people aren’t aware of. It’s similar to if you’ve broken bones before and it’s now a cold weather day. Then on bad days that flares up in my knees, ankles, wrists etc to the point it wakes me up at night and I can’t go back to sleep.

At times the muscles in my feet underneath where it joins your heel, can’t remember what it’s called now is so sore and tight that I basically can’t walk.

Then there is the actual bowel related pain. This is actually fairly controlled most of the time but can go off kilter and then it’s debilitating as I can’t really walk fully upright comfortably or sit at a desk, but this is where WFH has been an absolute blessing in disguise as I can still work happily without taking sick leave like in the past.

In between I have extreme bouts of fatigue and the as I’m getting older I have more and more uncontrolled spasms/twitches which will often see me throw my own coffee on myself or stuff like that which is where a family history of Parkinson’s and MS has me concerned, but I’m ignoring it until it becomes a daily problem.

I’m not saying any of this for sympathy, I’ve lived with it for a long time and built a bridge and gotten over it, but rather for illustration that chronic pain is a very real thing and I wouldn’t jump too quickly to assuming it’s all in her head because like I said I went undiagnosed while actively looking until I was 30.

That being said it can of course be all in her head and it would be a good idea to at the very least clear that up by having her seeing someone.

What medication is she on at the moment? How often? Does she exercise much?

What are the symptoms outside of the endo parts of the month?

Exercise was and still is the hardest thing on the planet for me to motivate myself to do, but it does help a hell of a lot once you fight through the initial pain of getting going.
 
I have 2 comments to make

When you exchanged wedding vows, did you agree to love one another "in sickness and in health?" A friend's wife had Parkinson's for 5 years, got weaker and weaker. He moved heaven and earth to make her life comfortable

Second comment:

I had a girl-friend when I was 19-20 who had a mother who would relish telling anyone who would listen about her pain and suffering. It started during WW-II during a narrow escape from a bombed building

She died at 93, still complaining
 
chrisc said:
I have 2 comments to make

When you exchanged wedding vows, did you agree to love one another "in sickness and in health?" A friend's wife had Parkinson's for 5 years, got weaker and weaker. He moved heaven and earth to make her life comfortable

Second comment:

I had a girl-friend when I was 19-20 who had a mother who would relish telling anyone who would listen about her pain and suffering. It started during WW-II during a narrow escape from a bombed building

She died at 93, still complaining
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Still complaining! Hahahaha! This is hilarious, and so true. Life is suffering.
 
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