Please help :( i dont know what to do anymore

Stillie said:
I'm not walking in eggshells it's making changes to how we are together whether or not we watching tv or going out. Also it's not like if I make a single mistake that's it done it's if I make the mistake, she mentions it and I don't change and keep making that mistake depending on what it is then it's over. The point is to point out to each other where our problems are so we know where to fix and if we don't change and fix the problems then things will be called off
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Go and read chumplady.com (for intrest sake). And look at specifically at the pick-me dance.

https://www.chumplady.com/2012/04/the-humiliating-dance-of-pick-me/

Good luck man!
 
Good luck Stillie. This is what you want to try to get back to...

For years it was like we just met the way we were around each other
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It's not that difficult if both parties really want it.
 
D3nz said:
Good luck Stillie. This is what you want to try to get back to...



It's not that difficult if both parties really want it.
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yea i know, from my side i can make this work easily.... its not going to be tough just pray she comes to the party as well :) so far so good (yes i know 1 day is not enough time but yea)
 
Stillie said:
I still think that my wifes thoughts and eyes wondered because of how toxic the relationship got and i dont blame her for that, not one bit. This "friend" at work is just the symptom of the problems we have had in our relationship. "Happy wife, Happy Life" is always the motto i have lived by but i think i have been slacking in that and i now know how to change that and i am going to work my damndest to make it work.
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It's always very easy to wander (with an an) if you there is someone else who is giving you all the attention and affection you simply don't get at home.

The brain simply says I'm wanted from one and not the other and it becomes very simple to push everything else aside and gravitate towards that.

It's often not even a case of looking for it either.

I mean if you see that brand spanking new car at the dealership which is only a finance agreement away it's easy to dislike the one you are driving because it cost you money last week and is still pissing oil in your driveway etc. You get what I'm saying.

If you feel wanted at home you won't need to feel it elsewhere.
 
SauRoNZA said:
It's always very easy to wander (with an an) if you there is someone else who is giving you all the attention and affection you simply don't get at home.

The brain simply says I'm wanted from one and not the other and it becomes very simple to push everything else aside and gravitate towards that.

It's often not even a case of looking for it either.

I mean if you see that brand spanking new car at the dealership which is only a finance agreement away it's easy to dislike the one you are driving because it cost you money last week and is still pissing oil in your driveway etc. You get what I'm saying.

If you feel wanted at home you won't need to feel it elsewhere.
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exactly! thats also the reason i hate my car :crylaugh:
 
Stillie said:
exactly! thats also the reason i hate my car :crylaugh:
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Buy a bakkie and ride on dirt roads :), you will soon come to realise that it is a lot like a relationship.

Too slow, you feel all the bumps, too fast you loose control, if the wheel gets into a rut you cannot overcompensate or you will crash and burn, and every now and again you have to slow right on down , engage 4 wheel drive and carefully navigate your way through the rough stuff.
 
Nanfeishen said:
Buy a bakkie and ride on dirt roads :), you will soon come to realise that it is a lot like a relationship.

Too slow, you feel all the bumps, too fast you loose control, if the wheel gets into a rut you cannot overcompensate or you will crash and burn, and every now and again you have to slow right on down , engage 4 wheel drive and carefully navigate your way through the rough stuff.
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:crylaugh: love it
 
Good luck going forward, hope you and the missus get your groove back!
 
tridev said:
She might have cheated and is conflicted but at least a professional 3rd party might get it out of her or she might just feel like she no longer wants to be with you.
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Erm no.
If she can't be honest him what's a stranger going to do except separate him from his wallet.

He needs to stop taking these long walks, man up and deal with these issues directly and move on.
 
WaxLyrical said:
Erm no.
If she can't be honest him what's a stranger going to do except separate him from his wallet.

He needs to stop taking these long walks, man up and deal with these issues directly and move on.
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Long walks: agree on this, i need to stop doing this.

Stranger help: Yea, like my wife said when i suggested this therapy. "There is nothing a psychiatrist cant do that we can do ourselves" or something like that
 
vorman said:
My 2cents, im thinking its since around October last year when things started brewing between the colleague? I mean like really brewing, when they realise they're falling/have feelings for each other. Hence, the different attitude towards you.(Possibly guilt as well)

On the other hand, get back to your house bro. Like today. If she wants the space, tell her go somewhere.
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If she wants space let her go up to the moon! There no one will bother her.
 
WaxLyrical said:
Erm no.
If she can't be honest him what's a stranger going to do except separate him from his wallet.

He needs to stop taking these long walks, man up and deal with these issues directly and move on.
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If the communication is as bad as it is, then maybe a 3rd party can get her to spit it out. If it is something that will offend him she might not be able to say it to his face out of fear of his reaction. It might be easier for her to copy by just avoiding him.
 
I have read through the entire thread, and speaking from personal experience, all i will say is that your daughter is of the utmost importance. If your wife is putting her happiness above the child's then by all means, let her find space by joining NASA!
Couples break up all the time, it's a way of life for some, a shock to others, and most of all it WILL destroy children's lives if not handled in an amicable way.

The nitty gritty is this:
  1. If you love each other then you WILL work it out.
  2. If she has had an affair, it's up to you to decide if you will forgive, but you will never forget
  3. If said affair has really happened then all trust is gone, if you still trust, then you are done, she will know that she has you by the short and curlies for the rest of your days.
  4. Your child's well-being is the most important thing, if you can't be together with your wife then do your child a favour and end the relationship immediately, dragging it on will eventually destroy your child's life

Just my 2 cents from personal experience.
 
Stillie said:
The point is to point out to each other where our problems are so we know where to fix and if we don't change and fix the problems then things will be called off
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To point out to each other the weaknesses and mistakes either of you make during this transitional and trying time is a good thing, but to say that if you don't change and fix the problems then things will be called off isn't the answer. The fact that you both are amicably agreeing to be willing to admit and change for the better speaks volumes where your love and relationship finds itself. Life in general is really hard, it takes commitment and sacrifice and willingness to change. Keep trying, keep loving, and keep sacrificing for each other .
Faith , Hope and Charity is the pure love of Christ. God Bless
 
Marius Flash said:
To point out to each other the weaknesses and mistakes either of you make during this transitional and trying time is a good thing, but to say that if you don't change and fix the problems then things will be called off isn't the answer. The fact that you both are amicably agreeing to be willing to admit and change for the better speaks volumes where your love and relationship finds itself. Life in general is really hard, it takes commitment and sacrifice and willingness to change. Keep trying, keep loving, and keep sacrificing for each other .
Faith , Hope and Charity is the pure love of Christ. God Bless
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What are fairy tales going to help his marriage? You might as well wish him luck at his next quidditch game as the win will give his wife something to be proud of.
 
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