skeptic_SA
Executive Member
Sorry @maumau - that was meant for PitBull
Not me. Having been through schitt like this before - I would use any means necessary to make 100% sure. Guess you go on instinct. Thats cool.
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Please help :( i dont know what to do anymore
- Thread starter Stillie
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Sorry @maumau - that was meant for PitBull
Not me. Having been through schitt like this before - I would use any means necessary to make 100% sure. Guess you go on instinct. Thats cool.
Do you have any app you would recommend?
skeptic_SA
Executive Member
Cius
Honorary Master
Hmmmm, guys seem quick to jump to extreme moves on this forum.
From my side all I can say is all relationships have ups and downs. I have been married for almost 11 years now and we went through some really rough times where both of us where wondering if it was worth sticking out. All I can say is yes, it is. Especially for the kids. Just because you are going through a rough patch now in your relationship does not mean that has to be permanent. Most marriages go through up and down cycles. Try work on it, not just for your daughters sake but for you guys too. If she has started a relationship with another man that can change things and I have no experience in that so I will not advise you at that point but as you said yourself, right now you are not sure.
Anyways, best of luck. Marriage can be hard work but I feel it is worth it in the long run. In a really happy place in my marriage now and its wonderful, especially after some of the really bad downs we had. People who get together young often wonder what could have been. Its important to focus on the now, not the what if.
From my side all I can say is all relationships have ups and downs. I have been married for almost 11 years now and we went through some really rough times where both of us where wondering if it was worth sticking out. All I can say is yes, it is. Especially for the kids. Just because you are going through a rough patch now in your relationship does not mean that has to be permanent. Most marriages go through up and down cycles. Try work on it, not just for your daughters sake but for you guys too. If she has started a relationship with another man that can change things and I have no experience in that so I will not advise you at that point but as you said yourself, right now you are not sure.
Anyways, best of luck. Marriage can be hard work but I feel it is worth it in the long run. In a really happy place in my marriage now and its wonderful, especially after some of the really bad downs we had. People who get together young often wonder what could have been. Its important to focus on the now, not the what if.
Pitbull
Verboten
Mostly why I respect their privacy and hope they respect mine. If they don't respect my privacy same rules apply. And since I'm that particular about her respecting mine, I can't go and do the opposite to her
skeptic_SA
Executive Member
Mostly why I respect their privacy and hope they respect mine. If they don't respect my privacy same rules apply. And since I'm that particular about her respecting mine, I can't go and do the opposite to her
An "open relationship" has the same practical benefits btw. #JustSaying
WaxLyrical
Honorary Master
Bla bla yada yada.
Does your wife get overly friendly with the "friend" at the braai.
If anything there's more than just the steak meat thats getting heated.
akescpt
Honorary Master
Also, when she is asleep, take the memory card from out of her phone to check the nudes.
Jirre
I kinda feel for you and feel for the wife.hi forumites,
Please can you help me. This is the situation:
I am married with an 8 year old daughter and my wife, on Friday last week told me she doesnt know if she still wants to be with me after dating for 12 years and married for 3 as of 1st Feb. Our "Relationship anniversary" was on Wednesday.
Wednesday I needed to get out the house for a bit after having an argument, i went for a walk for about an hour and half and when i got back my wife had called all my friends to see if i was there or they had seen me, this was at about 1930 that i went for a walk.
When i got back one of my closest friends and his wife was at my place and my wife told me to go stay with them for a couple days because she needs space. Which i did and its been getting harder and harder to cope with life. Im not talking about suicide or anything, just battling on a day to day basis. My friends that know whats going on have been amazing and so supportive, i would hate to imagine what it would be like with out this support.
Anyway i noticed a decline in her happiness and stuff since about Oct last year and i have constantly asked her about it trying to find out what the problem is and if its something we can work through. We have been through so much cr ap over our relationship its amazing that we have even lasted this long. Anyway! There has been this work colleague that she works with thats her friend and we have had him over for a couple braais and as time went on i started having friends ask me about whats happening with them, do i see whats going on and stuff like that. I have noticed that she is really friendly with him, the one braai it made it really awkward with everyone there. Not touching or anything like that, just kept to themselves most of the night. Now i trust her so i didnt think anything of it at the time, but when my friends started asking me about it, i started questioning it and i confronted her about it. She said no they just really good friends ect etc.
Now its on the 3rd day that i have not been home, seen my wife nor my daughter. I called last night to talk to my daughter and f*** was it so hard to keep it together on the phone with my daughter that i had to cut it short.
Her reason for needing the space is that she wants to figure things out and be alone. We have been together since she was 16 and i was 18 and she said: i just sat one day and thought about how tied down ive been for so long and what it would feel like to be on my own. Then i started getting unhappy coz i wanted to know."
I seriously have the feeling this is it, we are over, she just hasnt come to the realisation.
Please help! i dont know what to do anymore, i miss my girls so much and dont know how long i can go on like this. Thankfully though i get to see my daughter tonight for the weekend.
Bottom line you got serious to early in life. Neither of you got to experience life, be independent, discover who you are and do the things you wanted to.
If I were you, I would try counselling first because you have a child. Divorce is there for a reason if it doesn't work out.
Never stay together for the sake of a child. It only hurts and damages them in the end.
My parents should have gotten a divorce a long time ago and it affected my sister and I psychologically.
konfab
Honorary Master
@OP
Firstly:
You should move back in. It is your house and your family. If she is the one who "needs space", then she should move out and stay with friends. Being away from her isn't going to solve any problems.
Secondly:
Thirdly:
Fourthly:
Looking at this:
Fifth:
Over the 15 years or so that you have been intimately involved with this woman, what have been the general causes of arguments:
Examples of such (not that I am saying these apply to you).
Spending habits.
Sexual needs.
Work commitments
Family (like in-laws)
Your daughter and her life.
You mentioned you had an argument before going on the walk. What was it about?
Firstly:
You should move back in. It is your house and your family. If she is the one who "needs space", then she should move out and stay with friends. Being away from her isn't going to solve any problems.
Secondly:
What did you notice exactly? Those two things can easily be attributed to a lot of other things other than the fact that she doesn't want to be with you.
Thirdly:
What was her reaction to this line of inquiry? Try group it into one or more of the following Defensive, Aggressive, Passive, Assertive or Nothing.
Fourthly:
Looking at this:
Is there a particular reason you can think of why you waited so long to get married. Especially with the kid and all.
Fifth:
Over the 15 years or so that you have been intimately involved with this woman, what have been the general causes of arguments:
Examples of such (not that I am saying these apply to you).
Spending habits.
Sexual needs.
Work commitments
Family (like in-laws)
Your daughter and her life.
You mentioned you had an argument before going on the walk. What was it about?
Wont the child be home with her? She is not going to bang a dude while her child is home.
They would probably do it in his car or at his flat.
It might happen at home if the child goes to day care.
Did you meet the partner/hubby aswell?
If a person is cheating why would you introduce them to your partner?
Pitbull
Verboten
zenmeister
Well-Known Member
Go buy weed smoke it with your SO, i promise you you'll talk and digest all your problems away.
SauRoNZA
Honorary Master
It seems this kind of thing always tends to happen in these situations because people never learn to know themselves completely and then want to catch up on that later in life.
Good luck OP.
+1 on that. feel sad for the OP. soz man.
I get her point to a degree, but she made a commitment and you have a daughter now. Time for her to think about the child first.
As for the single guy friend who obviously seems to be a tad bit more than just the normal work colleague tell him to fck right off. Work is work. Your married he has zero business hanging out with your wife.
As for the single guy friend who obviously seems to be a tad bit more than just the normal work colleague tell him to fck right off. Work is work. Your married he has zero business hanging out with your wife.
cupcake
Expert Member
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If you love her and want the relationship to work fight for her, you have been with her for long enough you know how! If it doesn't work out you will know you did your best, this is the only way to ensure you do not have regrets. She is the mother of your child and will always be in your life. This could actually make you a stronger couple. Focus on the friendship and the intimacy will follow.
I think you have done the right thing by giving her space it shows that you have respect for her and the best interest of your daughter at heart. Just don't allow it to go on too long. I don't think you need to be defensive you are not at that point yet and don't need to be paranoid or preempt something that might never happen.
Do not start believing that she has been unfaithful just because these guys think that, they don't really know either of you so trust your own judgement.
Sometimes people aren't the best for each other but I have also met people who regret not stepping up and doing the nessasary to save a valuable relationship so be mindful.
I think you have done the right thing by giving her space it shows that you have respect for her and the best interest of your daughter at heart. Just don't allow it to go on too long. I don't think you need to be defensive you are not at that point yet and don't need to be paranoid or preempt something that might never happen.
Do not start believing that she has been unfaithful just because these guys think that, they don't really know either of you so trust your own judgement.
Sometimes people aren't the best for each other but I have also met people who regret not stepping up and doing the nessasary to save a valuable relationship so be mindful.
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