Please help :( i dont know what to do anymore

If you are home before her it will put her on her back foot.

You then need to prepare your discussion, try keep it civil. do not leave and do not shout.

Ask her all the tough questions you have asked or alluded to in this thread. Perhaps print them out or save them to your phone.

If you want, you can even record the conversation for later playback when emotions are not running so high.
The recording will also help keep you in good behaviour, no need to tell her you are doing so...
 
Pitbull said:
What has happened to the men of our world?

She chased him out of his own house and he needs to go back pussy footing? Geesus, no wonder so many women go out looking for a "real" man. He should take a firm stance and let her know this shyte aint flying. If he loves her, he will do right by her and chase her the fark away. Which woman ever needed space? You sort your shyte or you move on. Space for what?

Nea, I whole heartedly disagree, but like you said, most of us would :p :D
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:D

I'm not saying he shouldn't "be the man". I think he should regain the upper hand as he's lost it. However, I wouldn't chase her out until I've completely opened up to her and had an open honest conversation. Have some grace, it is your wife after all OP.
Pitbull, there is a difference between being a gentleman and being a jerk. The latter requires you to be less of a man than the former ;)

I will agree that he needs to be the man and in control - but doing what I suggest can be done with many different approaches. Telling your wife you love her and giving her an ultimatum is more "manly" imo than rushing back and chasing her out (not that that is what you're suggesting either, I know :p)
 
Idiosyncratic said:
OP, I'd take a more conservative approach, and many on mybb will disagree. If I were you, before drawing any conclusions, go home and approach the issue directly. Another forumite said you ought to be brutally honest without throwing punches. That's the way to go, open up to her, and then make a decision based on the outcome of that. It's never too late to save a marriage imo. You can be completely open and tell her that the relationship has boundaries, and if she respects the relationship then the "friend" needs to go. I wouldn't operate under the assumption something has already happened, but I wouldn't be surprised. Be the man of the house, but don't let there be wrong on your side. Tell her you love her, and that you just want the best for her and your little girl...

Then, even if you ignore the above, I'd say it's a good idea to start playing your cards right in terms of custody. If she admits to cheating or being a little close to the "friend", then you're scoring brownie points. You don't want to seem like the dad who walked out one night and went to stay with some friends because you wanted to end the relationship. You need to seem like the stable one, so keep that in mind. Don't go out seeking a divorce, but it's something worth keeping in mind.
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I agree with you. He should go home and confront her. Today.

Mvu said:
All I will say is, be strong buddy, I know exactly how you feel.
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Of course you do, having met your side-chick's boyfriend. You playa, you!
 
Deadmanza said:
Honestly, take the pain now and end this. Do not prolong it, you will lose years of your life trying to make this work all the while she will be unhappy which in turn will make you unhappy. Also don't try and stay together for your daughter, children pick up on things and an unhappy family is not a nice environment for a child to grow up in.

Whatever you do, I wish you the best of luck.
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No one said not to end it.

Living under the same roof does not mean sharing the same bed or more.

She instigated the seperation so if she wants someome to move along and start again then she can do it.
 
Please help! i dont know what to do anymore, i miss my girls so much and dont know how long i can go on like this. Thankfully though i get to see my daughter tonight for the weekend.:cry:[/QUOTE]

Been reading all the replies and answers to Stillie's predicament he finds himself in his marriage.

Stillie I want you to know that I have been there myself and I am today single and have gone through a divorce......Nasty stuff !

All the Tell Tale signs are there that your wife is having an affair and she wants out because of her infidelity.

We all don't have all the right answers to situations like these and they are painful in the beginning, but time really does heel bad feelings. I don't won't to profess that I have all the answers, as I don't ! But what I do know that when your wife is unhappy and the intimacy get's less and less with feeble excuses, that's it ! Time to have serious reflections one on one , being brutally honest with each other in order to save the marriage, as divorce is not always the answer.

Having said this: There is this one thing that must be asked and be remembered in any relationship....... It is:

"What the eyes can't see , the heart can't feel.......BUT ! And a big BUT !!!! is : "What the eyes reveal, is what the heart eventually feels".

I pray that your wife realizes the decision she is making now, that if she seriously is not happy and wants/needs to move on, then let her do so! It might end in divorce, if so, remember you have your daughter and that will never change, be there for her, no matter what. God bless and be strong. When dialogue is done in respect and humility , kindness and love, even if there are Infidelity issues , the process, whether positive or negative will all work out for both parties.:)
 
The fact that your wife is enjoying the company of the guy at the braai is a sign. She's swallowing some serious wors. I mean this literally.

In fact I got reminded of that episode in Black Mirror. It's the divorce route I'm afraid. Take the necessary steps and be strong.



Women are good at hiding in
 
74 posts on an IT forum and not one suggestion to OP to load spyware on her mobile to check what messages and emails she's deleting. Sad...
 
Also, when she is asleep, take the memory card from out of her phone to check the nudes. :whistle:
 
skeptic_SA said:
If you suspected your spouse of cheating based on what you consider "clear evidence" and she denied - you wouldnt consider it? Honestly?
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Nea, if I can't trust her she's out. Simple.

Trust to me is EVERYTHING! I'm 100% open and honest and so is she. If that trust is broken, sorry ne.
 
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