Please help :( i dont know what to do anymore

[Tabac]

i've thought about this as well. When she told me to leave she was oddly calm about it, which makes me think she is done. At one point i said i cannot stay in this state of limbo not knowing our status and that i need to make financial decisions that will affect my future if she doesnt want to continue this, her response directly after that was "is that wat u want" like she is try to get me to end it and she doesnt have the pluck to do it. Thats how all this has come across to me, she wants to end it but either, wants me to pull the trigger, or she just cant do it her self

That happened to me. She moved out, refused to get a divorce because she will not pay for it. After it kicked in I divorced her.
Therapists ? Hate the fckers. We went to one (A woman..), after the one on one session she told my wife(EX) there's red lights all over me. WTF ?
Anycase, goodluck bro. It's hard, damn hard, then you start living again. Must say, i'm MUCH better off now than then.

 

[TelkomUseless]

That happened to me. She moved out, refused to get a divorce because she will not pay for it. After it kicked in I divorced her.
Therapists ? Hate the fckers. We went to one (A woman..), after the one on one session she told my wife(EX) there's red lights all over me. WTF ?
Anycase, goodluck bro. It's hard, damn hard, then you start living again. Must say, i'm MUCH better off now than then.

Similar to mine. She wanted out but were having the good life (me paying car etc). Saw her "love note" on fb to her affair partner. I Filed for divorce the same day. No way I'm going to be someone's doormat.

It's hard.. but so worth it to be rid of crappy wife.

 

[Tabac]

Similar to mine. She wanted out but were having the good life (me paying car etc). Saw her "love note" on fb to her affair partner. I Filed for divorce the same day. No way I'm going to be someone's doormat.

It's hard.. but so worth it to be rid of crappy wife.

I felt sorry for her for me turning the money tap close. But, lives about choices.

 

[Ho3n3r]

Similar to mine. She wanted out but were having the good life (me paying car etc). Saw her "love note" on fb to her affair partner. I Filed for divorce the same day. No way I'm going to be someone's doormat.

It's hard.. but so worth it to be rid of crappy wife.

Honestly would've done the same. Once the trust is broken, it can never be repaired. If I found evidence of my wife cheating on me, I would only think of that every time I see her or hear her name.

 

[TofuMofu]

Another man ... sounds about right. The symptoms are there.

IMHO.. file for divorce. No worth playing 2nd fiddle to another man.

And it will get better dude. Kids adapt, you will see kiddo like you want. You wife will realise that the kid in her way when she wants to shag the boyfriend, and send the kiddo to you more.

Divorce is not the end of life.. it's start to a new life.

Get a divorce, she's probably getting thewors somewhere else






Ok sorry...but for reals.

 

[sand_man]

I have no pearls of wisdom for you Stillie. Just try hold it together bud. The end of your relationship with your wife does not mean the end of the relationship with your daughter. Do everything in your power to retain, maintain and build it!!

 

[Idiosyncratic]

OP, I'd take a more conservative approach, and many on mybb will disagree. If I were you, before drawing any conclusions, go home and approach the issue directly. Another forumite said you ought to be brutally honest without throwing punches. That's the way to go, open up to her, and then make a decision based on the outcome of that. It's never too late to save a marriage imo. You can be completely open and tell her that the relationship has boundaries, and if she respects the relationship then the "friend" needs to go. I wouldn't operate under the assumption something has already happened, but I wouldn't be surprised. Be the man of the house, but don't let there be wrong on your side. Tell her you love her, and that you just want the best for her and your little girl...

Then, even if you ignore the above, I'd say it's a good idea to start playing your cards right in terms of custody. If she admits to cheating or being a little close to the "friend", then you're scoring brownie points. You don't want to seem like the dad who walked out one night and went to stay with some friends because you wanted to end the relationship. You need to seem like the stable one, so keep that in mind. Don't go out seeking a divorce, but it's something worth keeping in mind.

 

[Mvu]

All I will say is, be strong buddy, I know exactly how you feel.

 

[maumau]

Who pays the bond/rent?

If it is you she has no say.
Go home, sleep on the couch if you must.

If she really feels such a great need for freedom then she can spread her wings and fly away.

And you and the daughter can live happy in a stable home.

With you moving out she can use that as you walking out on them = abandonment.

That can be used to claim the home, its content and sole custody.


Move back. If she shouts or swears just stay calm. Use earphones and music on your phone to calm down. Sleep on the couch if you must.

Be the better person. Even if your daughter cannot see the poison the mom is dishing out right now, she will see it some day.

Listen to Venomous - take note.

 

[CamiKaze]

I guess that many of you can relate to this.

[video=youtube;ROPA93EXyvw]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ROPA93EXyvw[/video]

 

[maumau]

Sorry to hear you're unhappy Stillie but it's pointless hanging on, rubbing salt in the wound.

As has been said before, move back in - sleep in the spare room but give your wife an ultimatum. She must leave her job and stop seeing her colleague - even if you're short of money until she finds something else.

If she won't agree you have to accept it's over, put the relationship behind you and move on.

She'll soon see if the other dude really wants her - how will he react when she tells him she's moving in with him.

..............assuming she is having an affair.

 

[TelkomUseless]

OP, I'd take a more conservative approach, and many on mybb will disagree. If I were you, before drawing any conclusions, go home and approach the issue directly. Another forumite said you ought to be brutally honest without throwing punches. That's the way to go, open up to her, and then make a decision based on the outcome of that. It's never too late to save a marriage imo. You can be completely open and tell her that the relationship has boundaries, and if she respects the relationship then the "friend" needs to go. I wouldn't operate under the assumption something has already happened, but I wouldn't be surprised. Be the man of the house, but don't let there be wrong on your side. Tell her you love her, and that you just want the best for her and your little girl...

Then, even if you ignore the above, I'd say it's a good idea to start playing your cards right in terms of custody. If she admits to cheating or being a little close to the "friend", then you're scoring brownie points. You don't want to seem like the dad who walked out one night and went to stay with some friends because you wanted to end the relationship. You need to seem like the stable one, so keep that in mind. Don't go out seeking a divorce, but it's something worth keeping in mind.

Have to disagree. People who have affairs / cheat lie their pants off (lol) . She will keep stringing OP along as possible till the affair partner makes a move.

And cheating in a divorce has no bearing on custody etc. Courts don't care at all why she spread eagle for whom.. if she is fit parent.. she will get primary custody (he can fight it, costing big amount of ZAR).

But that is my experience.

 

[Stillie]

Have to disagree. People who have affairs / cheat lie their pants off (lol) . She will keep stringing OP along as possible till the affair partner makes a move.

And cheating in a divorce has no bearing on custody etc. Courts don't care at all why she spread eagle for whom

i dont know for 100% that she is having an affair

 

[TelkomUseless]

i dont know for 100% that she is having an affair

I understand. I'll put R50 on the "friend" and her is having "feelings". You say people picked it up...

P.s My (ex) wife also had something on the side... and I missed it. LOL. Looking back, I can could see her actions was that of an affair.

 

[skeptic_SA]

I understand. I'll put R50 on the "friend" and her is having "feelings". You say people picked it up...

P.s My (ex) wife also had something on the side... and I missed it. LOL. Looking back, I can could see her actions was that of an affair.

+1

 

[Pitbull]

OP, I'd take a more conservative approach, and many on mybb will disagree. If I were you, before drawing any conclusions, go home and approach the issue directly. Another forumite said you ought to be brutally honest without throwing punches. That's the way to go, open up to her, and then make a decision based on the outcome of that. It's never too late to save a marriage imo. You can be completely open and tell her that the relationship has boundaries, and if she respects the relationship then the "friend" needs to go. I wouldn't operate under the assumption something has already happened, but I wouldn't be surprised. Be the man of the house, but don't let there be wrong on your side. Tell her you love her, and that you just want the best for her and your little girl...

Then, even if you ignore the above, I'd say it's a good idea to start playing your cards right in terms of custody. If she admits to cheating or being a little close to the "friend", then you're scoring brownie points. You don't want to seem like the dad who walked out one night and went to stay with some friends because you wanted to end the relationship. You need to seem like the stable one, so keep that in mind. Don't go out seeking a divorce, but it's something worth keeping in mind.

What has happened to the men of our world?

She chased him out of his own house and he needs to go back pussy footing? Geesus, no wonder so many women go out looking for a "real" man. He should take a firm stance and let her know this shyte aint flying. If he loves her, he will do right by her and chase her the fark away. Which woman ever needed space? You sort your shyte or you move on. Space for what?

Nea, I whole heartedly disagree, but like you said, most of us would

 

[Pitbull]

i dont know for 100% that she is having an affair

She is, that's it. Accept it now...

You're in denial. You know it, that is why you mentioned the co-worker. Just be honest with yourself and you will know we're right.

 

[AstroTurf]

i dont know for 100% that she is having an affair

I would personally take off work early and go home.

Try be the first at home is what I am saying.

 

[D3nz]

...but give your wife an ultimatum. She must leave her job and stop seeing her colleague - even if you're short of money until she finds something else.

If she won't agree you have to accept it's over, put the relationship behind you and move on.

Sorry maumau, I'm going to disagree with this. A woman who's working, earning her own money, has told you she's tired of being tied down...you go in and tell her this, even if there's a chance of reconciliation, this would end it.

 

[Ho3n3r]

i dont know for 100% that she is having an affair

Moving back in will make it easier to find out. If she stays but accept your rights to be there, she probably isn't. If she makes a massive fuss and moves out immediately, she probably is.