The d!ck within....

For one thing stop using terms like d!ck move to describe your behaviour. A d1ck move is when you cheat on her with her best friend. This sounds genuinely horrifying and you've got some deep-seated problems that need addressing, and you shouldn't even consider getting into a relationship before you get counselling.
 
I really feel for you OP. I too come from a ****ty background but I made myself a promise a long time ago to never be like my parents and I have kept it. 8 years going with my SO and we have never fought / shouted at each other.

my advice is fairly simply, stop drinking or atleast know your limits.

You can't really make it to the girl but you could offer a heartfelt sincere apology.
 
cerebus said:
For one thing stop using terms like d!ck move to describe your behaviour. A d1ck move is when you cheat on her with her best friend. This sounds genuinely horrifying and you've got some deep-seated problems that need addressing, and you shouldn't even consider getting into a relationship before you get counselling.
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Thanks for that. I lack the words to describe how pathetic it was. Counselling - already on it; luckily working in a large corporate, those sorta things come standard. Waiting for appointment confirmation.

Wall said:
I really feel for you OP. I too come from a ****ty background but I made myself a promise a long time ago to never be like my parents and I have kept it. 8 years going with my SO and we have never fought / shouted at each other.

my advice is fairly simply, stop drinking or atleast know your limits.

You can't really make it to the girl but you could offer a heartfelt sincere apology.
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In as much as I have apologised profusely, I shall give it sometime and reiterate it. You might just understand what a disappointment I feel like. The one thing you try everyday of your life not to be like, you come tumbling in a single night.
 
Anonymous™ said:
Thanks for that. I lack the words to describe how pathetic it was. Counselling - already on it; luckily working in a large corporate, those sorta things come standard. Waiting for appointment confirmation.


In as much as I have apologised profusely, I shall give it sometime and reiterate it. You might just understand what a disappointment I feel like. The one thing you try everyday of your life not to be like, you come tumbling in a single night.
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I do, Honestly, If that was me, I would feel like an absolute knob. More so because you fear you may repeat history :(

You can't change the past buddy, got to move on and upward.
 
and kudos writing it, it must have been extremely hard to do
 
I think you need to realise that what you did is who you are. Stop trying to deny that, telling yourself that it was just one time, that you don't what came over you, that it was the booze etc etc etc. You are that person, there is no one else to blame.

Once you accept that, then you can move forward. We all have a bit of a dark side to our personality, we just need to manage it. In your case it's knowing what brings this "bad you" to the surface and avoiding it. Stop drinking. You've said you will, now stick to it. Stop snooping. You should be able to trust someone you care about. And if they give you reason not to trust them, talk to them face to face about it. But never snoop.

If you feel professional help will be beneficial then go for it, it can't hurt (well it'll hurt you wallet but that's about it).

Also, don't ruin this poor woman's life any more than you already have. if you feel resigning will help then do it.

Good luck with this, I do hope you can keep it under wraps. :)
 
If she has a brain, you cannot fix this. What came out was still you, albeit a side that rarely makes an appearance.

You snooped, acted like a teenager, got aggressive, and forced a girl to get out of her own apartment out of fear of you. And you've not even begun dating properly.

You have issues brought about by intoxicating feelings, and exacerbated by the booze intoxication. Don't blame it on the booze. Sometimes when you look in the mirror, you won't like the person staring back at you. Breaking the mirror solves nothing. It only helps you to not have to look at that person again, and live in denial of the Jekyll and Hyde persona lurking deep within you. And one day you'll snap. Just like your dad did. And you'll feel sorry and angry at yourself, but you'd have started the cycle again.

People who beat women and children tend to sincerely regret it after the fact. They just have no control over their emotions at that time, just like you did. I was on the receiving end of this for years growing up, as was my mom, and then my step-mom. It didn't start with abuse or beatings. It evolved into that over time.

So check yourself before you wreck yourself. See a psychologist. You probably don't have a drinking problem. But you certainly have an emotional problem of sorts that you need to address. Don't start concentrating on how you can fix things with the woman. Apologise and accept whatever fate she decides on. Fix yourself first and foremost. And don't expect her support during this, and don't ask for it either. That's selfish as hell. If she chooses to help you then that decision must be hers, made sincerely, and not out of misplaced guilt on her part or manipulation on your part. Emotional blackmail is a common trait among people with emotional issues of their own, whether you realise it or not.

This advice comes from someone who has been through exactly what you are going through. I didn't get violent at all, but I acted out in different ways, also when drunk. I lost too many friends and ruined great relationships along the path to me finally reaching out for help from professionals, and it was too late for me to salvage them. I've accepted that. But I've also now been diagnosed properly with bipolar disorder and have never felt better in my life. I'm finally in control of those emotions that bubbled beneath the surface of who I was. And it's a liberating experience...
 
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PsyWulf said:
Alcohol doesn't change people,it just lets the inner poepol out
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By virtue of that, I am a royal one. The kind that belongs locked in a basement!

TehStranger said:
I think you need to realise that what you did is who you are. Stop trying to deny that, telling yourself that it was just one time, that you don't what came over you, that it was the booze etc etc etc. You are that person, there is no one else to blame.

Once you accept that, then you can move forward. We all have a bit of a dark side to our personality, we just need to manage it. In your case it's knowing what brings this "bad you" to the surface and avoiding it. Stop drinking. You've said you will, now stick to it. Stop snooping. You should be able to trust someone you care about. And if they give you reason not to trust them, talk to them face to face about it. But never snoop.

If you feel professional help will be beneficial then go for it, it can't hurt (well it'll hurt you wallet but that's about it).

Also, don't ruin this poor woman's life any more than you already have. if you feel resigning will help then do it.

Good luck with this, I do hope you can keep it under wraps. :)
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Thanks champ. I hope I learn and grow from this. I grapple to accept that this monster is me because this is the first time I see him. Surely I cannot define myself by a single occurence. Either ways, daar's baie ruimte vir verbertering hier...
 
DJ... said:
If she has a brain, you cannot fix this. What came out was still you, albeit a side that rarely makes an appearance.

You snooped, acted like a teenager, got aggressive, and forced a girl to get out of her own apartment out of fear of you. And you've not even begun dating properly.

You have issues brought about by intoxicating feelings, and exacerbated by the booze intoxication. Don't blame it on the booze. Sometimes when you look in the mirror, you won't like the person staring back at you. Breaking the mirror solves nothing. It only helps you to not have to look at that person again, and live in denial of the Jekyll and Hyde persona lurking deep within you. And one day you'll snap. Just like your dad did. And you'll feel sorry and angry at yourself, but you'd have started the cycle again.

People who beat women and children tend to sincerely regret it after the fact. They just have no control over their emotions at that time, just like you did. I was on the receiving end of this for years growing up, as was my mom, and then my step-mom. It didn't start with abuse or beatings. It evolved into that over time.

So check yourself before you wreck yourself. See a psychologist. You probably don't have a drinking problem. But you certainly have an emotional problem of sorts that you need to address. Don't start concentrating on how you can fix things with the woman. Apologise and accept whatever fate she decides on. Fix yourself first and foremost. And don't expect her support during this, and don't ask for it either. That's selfish as hell. If she chooses to help you then that decision must be hers, made sincerely, and not out of misplaced guilt on her part or manipulation on your part. Emotional blackmail is a common trait among people with emotional issues of their own, whether you realise it or not.

This advice comes from someone who has been through exactly what you are going through. I didn't get violent at all, but I acted out in different ways, also when drunk. I lost too many friends and ruined great relationships along the path to me finally reaching out for help from professionals, and it was too late for me to salvage them. I've accepted that. But I've also now been diagnosed properly with bipolar disorder and have never felt better in my life. I'm finally in control of those emotions that bubbled beneath the surface of who I was. And it's a liberating experience...
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Thanks for that mouthful DJ. Yup - it's pretty apparent that I have some deep scary issues I need to resolve. I am working towards that. Pity the cost had to be her.
 
Humberto said:
What's the difference between Anonymous™ and Anonymousse?
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really now!

Anyway OP, whatever happened, I hope you guys work thro it.

lifes a rollercoaster afterall. try to keep your balance and if you do lose it, its cos you're human and made that way.

rather you both get to know the real person sooner than later.
 
Humberto said:
What's the difference between Anonymous™ and Anonymousse?
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It's the same person.

One is Anonymous with ™ which are his initials. The other is Anonymouse from Huis Marais (aka Huis Muis in Stellies); he was the resident geek there - seemed appropriate at the time.
 
KSINGH said:
really now!

Anyway OP, whatever happened, I hope you guys work thro it.

lifes a rollercoaster afterall. try to keep your balance and if you do lose it, its cos you're human and made that way.

rather you both get to know the real person sooner than later.
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Dankie baie.

A heartfelt thank you to all of you that took the time to shed this young padawan some light.
 
If it will make you feel any better, everyone on myBB has some sort of mental condition. Not including meself, of course.
 
Anonymous™ said:
Thanks for that mouthful DJ. Yup - it's pretty apparent that I have some deep scary issues I need to resolve. I am working towards that. Pity the cost had to be her.
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Until the cost is high enough, people don't tend to want to fix the problem...


Good luck.


ps - in vino veritas...
 
Anonymous™ said:
I had the unforunate experience of screwing over one of the most precious relationships I was starting to build by being an absolute ****.
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Couldn't have been that precious if you let your inner arsehole screw it up on a whim like you did.

You're just using excuses like alcohol & childhood abuse to try & justify your unacceptable behaviour. I suspect many of us had to deal with probably worse things you had to, without ever resorting to your kind of behaviour. You need help.

She'd definitely be better off not having you in her life at all.
 
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