Exactly that! If someone is a real Christian, saved by the grace of Christ, he or she will not want to hurt and kill people in the name of religion.
But how do you know what a real Christian is? What gives you the right to determine that?
Some real Christians believe it is their duty to oppose homosexuality and murder abortion doctors. If you told them you disagree on either point, they would think that YOU are not a real Christian and not saved. You see, they have a different definition of Christianity to yours, but theirs is no less valid for being different.
How do you reconcile that? You cant, quite simply. You have to accept that some people who identify as real Christians are blood thirsty, judgmental and violent. Its the truth of the matter.