Wife cheated

James 77 said:
Both are equally to blame. She is not innocent
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It may be hard to fathom for an Alpha like you but because it’s a relationship between two people you also have to take some blame here.

Your friends will tell you she’s a bitch and get you pissed. The internet divorcee club will do much the same.

A little bit of introspection isn’t a bad thing.

Good luck. Cheaters are miff but it’s healthy to take some blame.
 
Get a divorce attorney immediately and make sure that you have proof that she cheated. Do not sleep with her again, go for a HIV test and liase with your attorney. Do not do anything rash without consulting your attorney.

Under no circumstances should you hit her or threaten her. Speak to the attorney with the way forward.
 
James 77 said:
I agree, beating him up will only make me feel better for a while. Which is worth it in a sense, but she is equally to blame.

Financially is alright. I have 20 K's worth of assets in my name, and we are married out of community of property.
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Just remember the Accrual System... was that explicitly excluded in your prenuptial?
 
sandwitch said:
You're wasting your time, you're driving yourself crazy with this question and you're making yourself hurt more. There might've been signs but you just missed them. Accept that she won't tell you who he is for whatever reason atm, but that it doesn't matter: she did this on purpose, she's still doing what she's doing on purpose because she still wants a divorce. She could've made it all up but that doesn't matter: she still wants a divorce. She still wants to go to her parents.

Stop.
Take a deep breath.
Accept that you might not get the answers you need/want.
And then do what's good for you. Take/Send her to her parents today because sharing a space with her - unless you want to work it out somehow - is bad. You're asking/doing the same thing over and over and you're not getting a different result. She's so far in to her head about what she wants (and probably guilt) you won't get through to her or get the answers you want.

Then give her 2 weeks to initiate divorce proceedings and if she doesn't then you do it.
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I agree if she did it. It's done. If she lied it's done.

There's nothing I can do to make it better, even if I could. It will only be short-lived
 
abzob said:
Not equally. No. You took vows with your wife, not with the stranger. What he did might be immoral but it’s not your place to ascribe morality on him. Your wife is 100% to blame. The stranger has no responsibility for your marriage.
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This is so true
 
shinji said:
Go see a decent attorney.

Infidelity is a grounds for divorce - with quick and decent legal advice you can avoid a lot of mess.
Depending on your prenuptial, she could be sent packing with very little of not anything at all (short marriage, young (?) and no kids - works in your favour).

It might sound cold, but let her move out and go stay with her parents (after you get legal advise of course...). The space will give you time to think clearly.

But do get legal advise asap.
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I will definitely do that
 
He did you a favour. Either accept that your hands wont be the only ones on her and get on with your life. Or get divorced and cut all contact and move on with your life. If you gonna worry everyday where she is that is no life for you.
 
Escapee said:
It may be hard to fathom for an Alpha like you but because it’s a relationship between two people you also have to take some blame here.

Your friends will tell you she’s a bitch and get you pissed. The internet divorcee club will do much the same.

A little bit of introspection isn’t a bad thing.

Good luck. Cheaters are miff but it’s healthy to take some blame.
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I agree, I don't hate her. And introspection is certainly healthy. But I cant blame myself
 
shinji said:
Just remember the Accrual System... was that explicitly excluded in your prenuptial?
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Included, but the assets bought are not owned by me whatsoever. We would have bought a house this year
 
WorldWarII said:
He did you a favour. Either accept that your hands wont be the only ones on her and get on with your life. Or get divorced and cut all contact and move on with your life. If you gonna worry everyday where she is that is no life for you.
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100% this as well, and this in many ways is the crux of the mental issue that staying around will be. Whenever she is not near you you will always wonder who she is with and what she is doing, you will never be able to function properly.
 
James 77 said:
I agree if she did it. It's done. If she lied it's done.

There's nothing I can do to make it better, even if I could. It will only be short-lived
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Yeah, that is my experience as well.

Relationships rarely survive this kind of betrayal.

Speaking from personal experience, trying again does not work, too much damage.
 
WorldWarII said:
He did you a favour. Either accept that your hands wont be the only ones on her and get on with your life. Or get divorced and cut all contact and move on with your life. If you gonna worry everyday where she is that is no life for you.
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Definitely the end of this. Lying about cheating or actually doing it doesn't matter for trust. I will never trust her again. It's no life
 
I think the only reason you should try to find out who she cheated on you with would be to inform his wife of it.
 
James 77 said:
Definitely the end of this. Lying about cheating or actually doing it doesn't matter for trust. I will never trust her again. It's no life
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I know a guy who went a different route. Made peace with it , and they got into full on weirdo swinging with an open relationship. I still talk to him time to time. He is cape town though. Says he's happy , but I dont know.
 
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