Wife cheated

Good luck mate. I can't imagine what you must be going through. I've been married for 5 years now, and it'll totally destroy me.
 
Leave - simple as it sounds, but it aint. Honestly, just leave. Hanging around, is causing more damage to YOU.
Its at this point you need to be selfish. Think of YOUR wellbeing.

So it didnt work out - ok - you gonna cray for days on end, but its NOT worth the impact it has on your life. Like everyone said, be happy it happened early.

if she doesnt wanna leave, YOU leave, but just stop seeing her. Sounds narcissistic to me (her actions). She knows the hurt she is causing you, and her staying around is playing into that... making her fer like you still want her (the questions you have and the look you give her). This is TOXIC! and it can ruin your entire life, so take everyone's advice and just walk out.

Had a good friend actually load his car with his clothes and drove to another province - left everything behind. 7 years later, the guy is happily married and living large. It was all possible by self love and focusing his emotion on something productive... he is better off (financially and emotionally) `now than before his divorce.

All the best... remember, you need to be ok yourself firstly -- unless you that guy that won millions after his partner left him :P kidding!!!
 
Toxxyc said:
Good luck mate. I can't imagine what you must be going through. I've been married for 5 years now, and it'll totally destroy me.
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Yeah, 6 years for me. Having already seen what it can do to friends and the long term consequences, it will will break me. I know if I cheated on my wife, I will be dead and somewhere in the ditch right now. Sadly I don't think there are legal ways (as in financial compensation) to deal with the partner of the adulterer anymore? https://www.tmj.co.za/News/Read/100142
 
My gut feel is she wants to leave you but doesn't have the courage, so she's trying to make you leave her (to assuage her own guilt or in a misguided attempt to make you feel better about the outcome?). Hence the affair or the pretense thereof - and her statements about wanting you to hate her.
 
RedViking said:
Yeah, 6 years for me. Having already seen what it can do to friends and the long term consequences, it will will break me. I know if I cheated on my wife, I will be dead and somewhere in the ditch right now. Sadly I don't think there are legal ways (as in financial compensation) to deal with the partner of the adulterer anymore? https://www.tmj.co.za/News/Read/100142
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It's real.

When that lying putrid sack of infested pus cheated on me I had what I guess you would call a breakdown. I lost everything, job, friends, the lot. It took a long time to rebuild something approaching a life again.
 
Good thing you found out now instead of 20 odd years and 2 kids down the line
 
Sinbad said:
My gut feel is she wants to leave you but doesn't have the courage, so she's trying to make you leave her (to assuage her own guilt or in a misguided attempt to make you feel better about the outcome?). Hence the affair or the pretense thereof - and her statements about wanting you to hate her.
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That's exactly what I'm thinking. Just as he seems to take the lead in everything else, she needs him to be the one to end the marriage because she hasn't got the guts..

Come on OP, my heart really goes out to you man, but kick her out already! Give her until Friday. This is like being stabbed to death with a toothpick.
 
Sinbad said:
My gut feel is she wants to leave you but doesn't have the courage, so she's trying to make you leave her (to assuage her own guilt or in a misguided attempt to make you feel better about the outcome?). Hence the affair or the pretense thereof - and her statements about wanting you to hate her.
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Its almost 100% this.

Her actions are almost all about making him leave her rather than the other way around.
 
The sad part (well not really) is she will be leaving you for her toy boy, he will dump her soon after as he will now have more responsibility. It was nice while she is married, he gets the cake without having to worry about the dishes. That is how they roll.
 
James 77 said:
Don’t worry, I will find him and it will end badly for him. It’s not going to remedy the situation, but it will definitely make me feel better.
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Don't do that.

Rather say thanks for relieving you of her before you wasted more time, money and effort on her.
 
Relationships should be built on trust, respect and good communication (among many other things).
She says she loves you - clearly she did not respect and love you enough to address / try to fix issues before she committed and act she knew would break your heart and the relationship.
Accept that unless she comes clean (would you even believe *anything* she tells you at this point?) - you will never have the answers you are looking for.

As has already been mentioned numerous times - life is short, stay true to yourself and move on.
Getting lost in your own head is not a good thing - been there.....
Start a new hobby if need be to occupy your time and mind.

Good luck - life can be a crapshoot but I can assure you one day you will better than you were before.
 
shinji said:
Infidelity is a grounds for divorce
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In South Africa you do not need grounds for divorce. Since the two do not appear to share many assets, a divorce should be quick and relatively (financially) painless.

To the OP I just want to say one thing, if one of the partners is unfaithful, the other party is not completely blameless. A relationship takes dedication and hard work from both parties
 
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