Wife issues [Solved]

[SauRoNZA]

Her behaviour is not that of someone with innocent intentions.

Yet it's also not of someone about to star in a porno.

It's a little flirtatious and risque (lite) and that's honestly that. Good lord man I've had more intense conversations with waitresses and no intention to actually pomp them.

She's nowhere near crossing any line. Maybe just toeing it a little for a bit of fun which OP isn't providing to her.

Do we expect her to be a nun?

 

[Fulcrum29]

And being a scumbag lawyer he'll charge her by the hour.

And she will charge him for the STD treatments.

 

[The_MAC]

Grabbing her phone and reading her messages (in her absence) is the equivalent of injecting her with truth serum and making her tell you.

The fact that he sees the need and is not "allowed" to see her phone freely is already a concern..

And I can guarantee she doesn't tell you EVERYTHING, if for nothing more than some things that simply won't interest you or matter to you.

It's more of a case of her telling me everything and me not always listening..

 

[Snyper564]

She won't private tabs

Private tab accidently left open and not closed/

 

[The_MAC]

Yet it's also not of someone about to star in a porno.

It's a little flirtatious and risque (lite) and that's honestly that. Good lord man I've had more intense conversations with waitresses and no intention to actually pomp them.

She's nowhere near crossing any line. Maybe just toeing it a little for a bit of fun which OP isn't providing to her.

Do we expect her to be a nun?

How do most affairs start?

 

[schuits]

Some good advice here (@Emjay) and some terrible advice...wow.

Tell her you're sorry you violated her privacy, and that you were suspicious.
At which point she's probably going to get pissed off at you and the long calm discussion you pictured in your head is going to go to hell.

 

[LD50]

There's an opportunity for a wife swopping session here. Then go back to normal

 

[SauRoNZA]

Well we spoke about her talking to her ex before and she said she won't do it. This was in the 1st year of us dating.

Secondly why are they being flirty and wanting to meet up.

See okay now that changes the context ever so slightly.

If there was an agreement that she is going against then I can see your side of the story.

Still I would lean to the agreement being broken more so than her going for outright cheating.

If anything that agreement may very well have caused this by putting a sense of "danger" on the whole situation and making it more exotic.

But I'm leaning towards you being one of those types where a woman who is married can and should only have one male figure in her life which is her husband. No male friends of any male contact of any kind....which is not a great recipe for success as humans simply weren't built that way.

 

[Recallza]

Yet it's also not of someone about to star in a porno.

It's a little flirtatious and risque (lite) and that's honestly that. Good lord man I've had more intense conversations with waitresses and no intention to actually pomp them.

She's nowhere near crossing any line. Maybe just toeing it a little for a bit of fun which OP isn't providing to her.

Do we expect her to be a nun?

I Agree with you, OP should speak about in person with her, so she knows he's watching, and she knows its hurful.

 

[SauRoNZA]

There's an opportunity for a wife swapping session here

Where is @Honey Badger when you need him.

 

[Anonymouse123]

Some good advice here (@Emjay) and some terrible advice...wow.

Tell her you're sorry you violated her privacy, and that you were suspicious.
At which point she's probably going to get pissed off at you and the long calm discussion you pictured in your head is going to go to hell.

That's why will ask her for her phone this evening

 

[SauRoNZA]

She won't private tabs

So you admit to behaving in a similar fashion before?

But your wife isn't allowed the same courtesy?

 

[schuits]

That's why will ask her for her phone this evening

I'm not sure how that will go. She'll say no, and then you'll get suspicious and probably confront her end she'll get defensive and all hell will break loose again.

 

[SauRoNZA]

The fact that he sees the need and is not "allowed" to see her phone freely is already a concern..

Or maybe he is a super controlling overlord and this is the wee bit of freedom she manages to eek out of her sad existence?

Toeing the oh so fragile line to keep herself sane.

 

[Anonymouse123]

See okay now that changes the context ever so slightly.

If there was an agreement that she is going against then I can see your side of the story.

Still I would lean to the agreement being broken more so than her going for outright cheating.

If anything that agreement may very well have caused this by putting a sense of "danger" on the whole situation and making it more exotic.

But I'm leaning towards you being one of those types where a woman who is married can and should only have one male figure in her life which is her husband. No male friends of any male contact of any kind....which is not a great recipe for success as humans simply weren't built that way.

I don't feel that way nor have I stopped her from having any friends. Male or female. Exes are a different story.

 

[Emjay]

Yet it's also not of someone about to star in a porno.

It's a little flirtatious and risque (lite) and that's honestly that. Good lord man I've had more intense conversations with waitresses and no intention to actually pomp them.

She's nowhere near crossing any line. Maybe just toeing it a little for a bit of fun which OP isn't providing to her.

Do we expect her to be a nun?

He has to confront her because he is upset about it and his trust in her has been impacted. When one spouse is aggrieved, they should speak to their partner about it to avoid issues later down the line. Or do you think the man must just suffer in silence? And I actually did say she is most likely just looking for attention in an earlier post. However, flirting with a waitress is not the same as sending selfies and talking about meeting don't you think?

 

[Anonymouse123]

So you admit to behaving in a similar fashion before?

But your wife isn't allowed the same courtesy?

I'm not privy to what she says in her counselling sessions

 

[ShaunSA]

I Agree with you, OP should speak about in person with her, so she knows he's watching, and she knows its hurful.

Voyeurs tend to get horny. Not hurt.

 

[SauRoNZA]

He has to confront her because he is upset about it and his trust in her has been impacted. When one spouse is aggrieved, they should speak to their partner about it to avoid issues later down the line. Or do you think the man must just suffer in silence? And I actually did say she is most likely just looking for attention in an earlier post. However, flirting with a waitress is not the same as sending selfies and talking about meeting don't you think?

Bear in mind I never said he should suffer in silence.

I didn't dissuade him from having the conversation.

I simply stated that admitting to snooping on her phone is already a breaking of trust on his part long before he can accuse her of breaking trust on hers.

The conversations should be had, he can just try to keep it a little clean from his end.

She also didn't' send selfies by all accounts. She sent old pictures of when they were together, reminiscing about the past and a life she once shared with this person. One cannot simply erase one's past.

 

[SauRoNZA]

I'm not privy to what she says in her counselling sessions

That wasn't the question.

You are the one who mentioned Private Tabs...indicating you have something to hide.