With friends like these...

A

almostgone

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I was at a wedding about 40minutes outside JHB with the ex who has been abusive in the past. As teh evening wore on we decided that I would drive because he and his friend were enjoying getting completely ratfaced (now for something new).

It got to a point when it was fairly late and I was mroe than ready to leave. I mentioned to the friend that i thought it best if my ex doesnt have another drink to which there was neither agreement or disagreement. I thought perhaps he had forgotten my ex's tendency to become sexually abusive when under the influence and said (i quote) 'the more he drinks the more dangerous is becomes for me' to which he replied 'dont make your problem my problem'...

Am I completely losing my mind? I know it was my choice to be there but still. Am I wrong in asking for a little understanding in not wanting to put myself in an even more precarious situation? I have to say that the support my ex has received from those who are aware of his problem invokes 2 very strong emotions for me. 1 is that i'm thankful he has people in his life who care about him. the other is complete shock and anger that not on eof these people seems to think that what he did was wrong.

Bah.

Either way. It took everything i had to not rearrange his manhood all the while telling him what it would mean if i were to REALLY make it his problem.

My faith in humanity is currently sitting in the negative.
 
almostgone said:
I was at a wedding about 40minutes outside JHB with the ex who has been abusive in the past. As teh evening wore on we decided that I would drive because he and his friend were enjoying getting completely ratfaced (now for something new).

It got to a point when it was fairly late and I was mroe than ready to leave. I mentioned to the friend that i thought it best if my ex doesnt have another drink to which there was neither agreement or disagreement. I thought perhaps he had forgotten my ex's tendency to become sexually abusive when under the influence and said (i quote) 'the more he drinks the more dangerous is becomes for me' to which he replied 'dont make your problem my problem'...

Am I completely losing my mind? I know it was my choice to be there but still. Am I wrong in asking for a little understanding in not wanting to put myself in an even more precarious situation? I have to say that the support my ex has received from those who are aware of his problem invokes 2 very strong emotions for me. 1 is that i'm thankful he has people in his life who care about him. the other is complete shock and anger that not on eof these people seems to think that what he did was wrong.

Bah.

Either way. It took everything i had to not rearrange his manhood all the while telling him what it would mean if i were to REALLY make it his problem.

My faith in humanity is currently sitting in the negative.
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1) No offence but why are you there with this dolt?

2) IMO it is not nice to leave you to clean up the mess all by yourself but well within your "friends" rights.

3) Get new friends.
 
I don't mean to sound harsh here but you are at fault for putting yourself in a situation when given the history. You can't blame the friend for not coming to your rescue.
 
almostgone said:
I was at a wedding about 40minutes outside JHB with the ex who has been abusive in the past. As teh evening wore on we decided that I would drive because he and his friend were enjoying getting completely ratfaced (now for something new).

It got to a point when it was fairly late and I was mroe than ready to leave. I mentioned to the friend that i thought it best if my ex doesnt have another drink to which there was neither agreement or disagreement. I thought perhaps he had forgotten my ex's tendency to become sexually abusive when under the influence and said (i quote) 'the more he drinks the more dangerous is becomes for me' to which he replied 'dont make your problem my problem'...

Am I completely losing my mind? I know it was my choice to be there but still. Am I wrong in asking for a little understanding in not wanting to put myself in an even more precarious situation? I have to say that the support my ex has received from those who are aware of his problem invokes 2 very strong emotions for me. 1 is that i'm thankful he has people in his life who care about him. the other is complete shock and anger that not on eof these people seems to think that what he did was wrong.

Bah.

Either way. It took everything i had to not rearrange his manhood all the while telling him what it would mean if i were to REALLY make it his problem.

My faith in humanity is currently sitting in the negative.
Click to expand...

We told u in Episode 1 that u must get rid of him.
http://mybroadband.co.za/vb/showthread.php?t=170713
 
I didnt ask for anybodys help to clean up any messes. All i wanted was for him to NOT offer a very drunk man even more booze. Surely thats not untoward?
 
almostgone said:
I didnt ask for anybodys help to clean up any messes. All i wanted was for him to NOT offer a very drunk man even more booze. Surely thats not untoward?
Click to expand...

There aren't too many men around who think they can't handle booze.
Especially when their friends are around.
 
I'll be the bastard again and tell it like it is:

1. Never tell a man who is enjoying himself getting completely smashed that he should stop ..... NEVER !
2. You know about his history but then still go to a Wedding with him..... a WEDDING ! What did you think will happen at the wedding, red coolade and simba chips ?

Yes, your request for a little understanding was not warranted. If you are still with this guy then it should be up to you for the mess your in. No one else should be expected to feel sorry for you or have sympathy for you. I assume that is the reason you posted this on here....

Seriously, do some soul searching on your side ;)

Back to point one. WTF where you thinking ? My wife will never, she knows if I go out drinking I go DRINKING. She will go there with her own car or she will drive me home. She knows mostly we end up drinking till around 5 or 6 am and thus comes with her own car and leaves when she's tired. I then sleep there and she'll come over early in the morning to make sure I never caused *** and to escort me home once I wake up ;)

You should know your BF good enough and be able to adopt to it instead of changing him.
 
almostgone said:
I didnt ask for anybodys help to clean up any messes. All i wanted was for him to NOT offer a very drunk man even more booze. Surely thats not untoward?
Click to expand...

At a wedding......yes. Men get drunk there... some woman even do.

almostgone said:
Yeah I guess :( I guess it just sucks to see your own stupididty.
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Your only stupid if you do nothhing to change the fact that your in a place you don't like.
 
Suip is suip en man moet 'n moroon wees. In the simplest of terms. Testosterone + alcohol = crashboombang, capiche?

If you see that circumstances are heading towards severe over-intoxication, make some alternative travel arrangements as quickly as possible. GTFO.
 
You shouldn't see it as negative. You get to learn from this experience. Learning from one's mistakes is what makes us human and what allows us to go on and lead more productive lives.

I've done plenty of totally idiotic things in my life and i would not change a single one of them if given the chance. It's made me into who i am today and i like who i see in the mirror.

Don't doubt yourself!
 
almostgone, i sympathize with you. But you need to know that while your feelings are not unjustified or out of the loop in any way, your actions are. Your actions do not make sense-

You choose to be with this man.
You chose to go to the wedding with this man.
You know this man becomes abusive when drunk.
You know that there is a lot of drinking that goes on at weddings.

Don't give away your power. You are putting yourself in these situations. Stop putting yourself in these situations! Choose different!

accept the things you cannot change
courage to change the things you can
wisdom to know the difference
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A) I did try and go in my own car. He wanted me to drive with him
B) I was not asking for protection or sympathy, i was asking him to not fuel a fire
C) I was not trying to curtail drinking on ANY SIDE

My only reason for [posting this here was to illustrate that there seems to be a general forgiveness and 'who gives a ****' attitude from the world about these issues.I have my own reasons for still being in the same vicinity as this man which I have expressed before but that does not mean that I agree with or support the general standing of 'well it's your fault for sticking around'.

I think that is total and utter bull****. Is it like 'well she must be ok with it therefore so are we?'

People are becoming harder and less feeling by the day. Maybe you were all right the first time. Maybe the only way to get real closure is by going the legal route.
 
Sigh. If you put your hand in the fire you'll get burned.
So either get these people out of your life or stop expecting something differant from them.
 
almostgone said:
A) I did try and go in my own car. He wanted me to drive with him
B) I was not asking for protection or sympathy, i was asking him to not fuel a fire
C) I was not trying to curtail drinking on ANY SIDE

My only reason for [posting this here was to illustrate that there seems to be a general forgiveness and 'who gives a ****' attitude from the world about these issues.I have my own reasons for still being in the same vicinity as this man which I have expressed before but that does not mean that I agree with or support the general standing of 'well it's your fault for sticking around'.

I think that is total and utter bull****. Is it like 'well she must be ok with it therefore so are we?'

People are becoming harder and less feeling by the day. Maybe you were all right the first time. Maybe the only way to get real closure is by going the legal route.
Click to expand...

I think you read that out of context.

People are not getting immune to to what you are in, people get smarter. So if someone is stupid enough to make mistakes it should be highlighted to them so they learn from it. Instead of saying "Shame, you poor thing" "We need to help you and support you so that you can heal from this"

That is all bull****. It starts at home. Sort yourself out first then people will start helping you. You are the one immune to all this as you are still socializing WITH HIM !

Seriously, sort your shyt out and then you will see how welcome and open people are. As long as you keep making the same mistake/s and not try and better your situation then no one will come and force your hand to do something about it.

IT STARTS WITH YOU !
 
almostgone said:
A) I did try and go in my own car. He wanted me to drive with him
B) I was not asking for protection or sympathy, i was asking him to not fuel a fire
C) I was not trying to curtail drinking on ANY SIDE

My only reason for [posting this here was to illustrate that there seems to be a general forgiveness and 'who gives a ****' attitude from the world about these issues.I have my own reasons for still being in the same vicinity as this man which I have expressed before but that does not mean that I agree with or support the general standing of 'well it's your fault for sticking around'.

I think that is total and utter bull****. Is it like 'well she must be ok with it therefore so are we?'

People are becoming harder and less feeling by the day. Maybe you were all right the first time. Maybe the only way to get real closure is by going the legal route.
Click to expand...

Sorry to say but if you do not do something people are intitle to start thinking you are ok with it.

If you don't go to the police, what message does that send out? Also you gave into his request to drive together thus putting yourself in that position.

If it was me I would have left him there without think twice.
 
Pitbull said:
I think you read that out of context.

People are not getting immune to to what you are in, people get smarter. So if someone is stupid enough to make mistakes it should be highlighted to them so they learn from it. Instead of saying "Shame, you poor thing" "We need to help you and support you so that you can heal from this"

That is all bull****. It starts at home. Sort yourself out first then people will start helping you. You are the one immune to all this as you are still socializing WITH HIM !

Seriously, sort your shyt out and then you will see how welcome and open people are. As long as you keep making the same mistake/s and not try and better your situation then no one will come and force your hand to do something about it.

IT STARTS WITH YOU !
Click to expand...

Pitbull making sense and typing nicely.
Very rare. :) ;)
 
almostgone you cannot see the wood for the trees.
the only person with the power to change anything is, as pitbull so eloquently says (!), YOU.

You can get all the sympathy and love and support from the forum or church or support groups, but sympathy support and love are not going to change what it is YOU need to do to change the situation.
--

What is the payoff you are receiving for being in this relationship? What are you getting from him that you need? How can you fulfill those needs in other more healthier ways?
 
almostgone said:
...that does not mean that I agree with or support the general standing of 'well it's your fault for sticking around'...
Click to expand...

Except that is what it boils down to. Don't want to be abused? Stop hanging around with the drunken guy who abuses you. It's that simple.
 
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