Feeling like a failure?

That's either BS, or a large percentage of the people on here are liar liars with their pants on fire.

In the salary surveys MyBB always has, around 30% or so claim they make over 70k a month, and the next group below that (50-70k I think) has almost the same percentage. So we are dealing with some high rollers up in here.
I doubt it. These forums are visited by a large group of people that don't participate in it much.
 
Lots of useful comments in a long thread. My wife is 37, MSc (cum laude for what it is worth) and clears R26500. Works for a large corporate. So the OP isn't doing to bad. I'm lucky enough to earn a bit more, but having worked 23 years I'm a bit older as well!
 
OP I sympathise with you, and I believe that most people here feel the same actually. Things have just become crazy expensive, and it's so depressing watching your salary dissolve away with bill payments and necessities. I do believe though the way we think makes or breaks us. Instead of feeling like a failure, change those thoughts to thoughts of ambition: "I am not happy where I am in life, but I am working hard to get where I want to be".

OP do you have plans on how / where you want to be in life? I have a 5 year plan that is written down. Every three months I look at the list and make adjustments. It's very satisfying when you tick off a goal.

Thank you, obviously few seem to be able to sympathize / empathize with my situation and or emotions in this regard. My plan for now is work harder and start studying again even if it is only self-study just to get the "ball rolling" so to speak.
 
Hi.

I seem to be experiencing some depression the last couple of months regarding my career or more importantly my income vs. my age status. I am a system admin at a mining company, am 32 years old and earn a gross monthly salary of R32000. The majority of my friends, all in different industries, earn more (and some much more) than me and they are either my age or younger.

This makes me doubt my future and career choice and I am feeling as if though I am a failure. I was wondering (hoping) whether there are some of you who have also experienced these thoughts / emotions and how you dealt with it. I know I should not compare myself to others but it is frustrating to see them being able to afford a house, children, new cars etc. and I am battling to make ends meet.

Any advice will be appreciated and I apologize for the depressing topic.

First of all, why are you comparing yourself to your friends? This is something I never understand. This is how people get into trouble financially, because they compare themselves to others. Why do you want this or that because your friends or colleague have it? Everyone has different circumstances. It's not going to do you any good dwelling on other people's achievements.That's why you're feeling depressed and hopeless. If you feel your salary isn't enough then do something about it. Find a better paying job or speak to HR. Or even study part time to increase your earning potential.

Secondly when I was your age I was only earning about R26 000. Yet I still purchased a car and house with that salary. I had a house and was driving in a decent and reliable, but old car. I didn't care, because I knew where I was going. The last few years have been good salary wise since I renegotiated with my old company a few times and eventually moved on. It will happen for you too. But it shouldn't be about keeping up with the Jones. It should be about you and your personal goals. Every two years re - evaluate where you are vs where you wanted to be. If you're unhappy with what you see, do something about it and forget about where your friends are.
 
That's probably "comfortable" with a house worth 1.5 million and a financed 3 series BMW.

Plenty of us live on much less than that (myself included and I'm quite happy with what I earn).
By living within my means I manage to invest R6000 per month which is more than most people I know earning R50,000+ per month. It's all about priorities.
I bought a fixer upper house, bought a vehicle I could actually afford (not a 3 series BMW, Fiesta ST, Golf GTI, etc.), scaled back on luxuries and now I'm starting to reap the rewards a few years later.
Too many people (OP included) want everything now and are not willing to sacrifice in the short term to reach their long term goals.
R32K per month is plenty for a 32 year old.

This. Kids come out of university and expect to be driving around in BMWs and living in estates. No patience at all. I recall a young graduate in training at my old job who started travelling with me in a lift club a couple years ago. Despite all my good advice, he sold his decent second hand car to buy a brand new vw passat. He was forced to sell it only four months later, because he couldn't keep up with the payments and he didn't even get the full price he owed on it. All because he wanted to look good in front of his friends.
 
Thank you, obviously few seem to be able to sympathize / empathize with my situation and or emotions in this regard. My plan for now is work harder and start studying again even if it is only self-study just to get the "ball rolling" so to speak.
It's not that we want to be insensitive. 90% of us are just worse off and make things work. If you can't do that you should reevaluate why you think you can't afford what people have that make even less money. There's nothing wrong with aspiring towards more and you may not be where you saw yourself being at this age but that is not your main problem and you'll never be happy without seeing where you are going wrong.
 
It's not that we want to be insensitive. 90% of us are just worse off and make things work. If you can't do that you should reevaluate why you think you can't afford what people have that make even less money. There's nothing wrong with aspiring towards more and you may not be where you saw yourself being at this age but that is not your main problem and you'll never be happy without seeing where you are going wrong.

/watch?v=Cv_o0-m2lsM This Ted talk seems to echo what you and others have advised, shes not the best speaker but the message is relevant. Thanks for your comment.
 
/watch?v=Cv_o0-m2lsM This Ted talk seems to echo what you and others have advised, shes not the best speaker but the message is relevant. Thanks for your comment.

Proper link please ?
 
Thank you, obviously few seem to be able to sympathize / empathize with my situation and or emotions in this regard. My plan for now is work harder and start studying again even if it is only self-study just to get the "ball rolling" so to speak.

Actually I know that feel, most of the people here are for some reason incapable of sympathy. I was in pretty much the exact same position, except I'm slightly younger. My friends were making a lot more money than me, even the goofballs who could barely spell their own names in school. For my age and job I was underpaid, I knew this for a fact (not everyone has this irrational fear of discussing salaries etc.)

For me the solution was to completely change everything, get a job in a faraway exotic land, leave most of my stuff behind, and say goodbye to the ever-depressing sinking ship and den of ultra-violence that is SA, probably for good. If you can just get motivated to work harder and find pleasure in your existing work, that's great.
 
Maybe it helps to re-frame it like this: At R32k pm you are at the cusp of the worlds top 1% wealth bracket ($34k per annum). Throw in a 13th check and you are right there. Yes, that makes you a one percenter in global terms. Think about that very carefully. Out of 7 000 000 000+ people, you are one of the 70 million wealthiest individuals on the planet.

So instead of building an outlook on life based on relative insufficiency, focus on the abundance that you have and find ways to highlight that prosperity to yourself. Feeling like a failure can become a self fulfilling prophecy so rather think about all the opportunities and things that you can do and have that are not available to the majority that surround you - the car guards, cleaners, factory workers, pensioners, miners, subsistence farmers and the unemployed, all of whom make up the other 99%.

You might not have the income to buy a Porsche, but you have a car that you can drive wherever you want, you may not be able to afford fine restaurants every night of the week but you can have take out once a week and that rare meal at a good restaurant, you may not be a billionaire, but you have a roof over your head and I bet your kitchen always has some food and you have electricity and clean water on demand. To 90% of the worlds population there is not much distinction between you and Bill Gates. You have wealth beyond their wildest dreams.
 
Maybe it helps to re-frame it like this: At R32k pm you are at the cusp of the worlds top 1% wealth bracket ($34k per annum). Throw in a 13th check and you are right there. Yes, that makes you a one percenter in global terms. Think about that very carefully. Out of 7 000 000 000+ people, you are one of the 70 million wealthiest individuals on the planet.

So instead of building an outlook on life based on relative insufficiency, focus on the abundance that you have and find ways to highlight that prosperity to yourself. Feeling like a failure can become a self fulfilling prophecy so rather think about all the opportunities and things that you can do and have that are not available to the majority that surround you - the car guards, cleaners, factory workers, pensioners, miners, subsistence farmers and the unemployed, all of whom make up the other 99%.

You might not have the income to buy a Porsche, but you have a car that you can drive wherever you want, you may not be able to afford fine restaurants every night of the week but you can have take out once a week and that rare meal at a good restaurant, you may not be a billionaire, but you have a roof over your head and I bet your kitchen always has some food and you have electricity and clean water on demand. To 90% of the worlds population there is not much distinction between you and Bill Gates. You have wealth beyond their wildest dreams.

Please. Comparing yourself to a billion starving Indians and another billion starving Chinese peasants, yes it might look good but that's about as relevant as saying an IQ of 70 puts you in the top 1% of the smartest animals on the planet. Context is important. And patronising statements like these don't help at all, it only makes the person feel worse as then they believe there's something wrong with them for not being uber happy all the time.

Other people being worse off in no way diminishes the problems of one person.
 
For me the solution was to completely change everything, get a job in a faraway exotic land, leave most of my stuff behind, and say goodbye to the ever-depressing sinking ship and den of ultra-violence that is SA, probably for good. If you can just get motivated to work harder and find pleasure in your existing work, that's great.

<off-topic>Where did you move to? </off-topic>
 
Please. Comparing yourself to a billion starving Indians and another billion starving Chinese peasants, yes it might look good but that's about as relevant as saying an IQ of 70 puts you in the top 1% of the smartest animals on the planet. Context is important. And patronising statements like these don't help at all, it only makes the person feel worse as then they believe there's something wrong with them for not being uber happy all the time.

Other people being worse off in no way diminishes the problems of one person.

Nope. If you feel like a failure because you are in the top 1% of global wealth at age 32 then the problem is with your thinking. Your unhappiness is entirely due to your warped context. So all I am saying is reframe your context and appreciate the abundance you do have. That is not to say you should be apathetic about your achievements, and in fact a greater awareness of your place in the grand scheme of things and being grateful for what you have tends to lead to even greater prosperity.
 
You dont have to earn that. Get yourself a job at a private school, they pay upper 20s and above. You've settled for the safe option...safe never pays.

No they don't.
 
You dont have to earn that. Get yourself a job at a private school, they pay upper 20s and above. You've settled for the safe option...safe never pays.

Curro Private Schools are a pretty decent organisation to work for, but even they pay similar salaries (although with slightly better benefits) to government salaries.

Unless I apply to positions at schools in leafy suburbs I'll not get close to what you are talking about.
 
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