I am having a breakdown

Sinbad said:
Sort out the maintenance thing. It's for your kid, not for you and your husband, and to be frank it's none of his business.
That will also give you a bit of leeway when you decide to leave your husband should you do so.
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about the maintenance, you are right but the fighting is weighing me down. the ex has nothing else to do than to fight me. he has already sent me his income and expenses and from how he has structured it, its clear he is not planning to pay. going to the court to be awarded R500, doesn't seem to be worth it. I guess i am just tired, so tired and this whole thing with my husband is not helping. one fight at a time is one thing but this now is on another level.

I have been trying to convince myself to focus on myself, my child and my job. but its not easy. especially with this headache that doesn't want to go away.
 
headache said:
about the maintenance, you are right but the fighting is weighing me down. the ex has nothing else to do than to fight me. he has already sent me his income and expenses and from how he has structured it, its clear he is not planning to pay. going to the court to be awarded R500, doesn't seem to be worth it. I guess i am just tired, so tired and this whole thing with my husband is not helping. one fight at a time is one thing but this now is on another level.

I have been trying to convince myself to focus on myself, my child and my job. but its not easy. especially with this headache that doesn't want to go away.
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You would be surprised what the courts will determine he has to pay... if the judge feels he is fudging the numbers they can be quite harsh actually.
 
headache said:
But at the same time I am not sure who the source of the pain is. The free ride ex husband or the cheating husband. I haven’t slept well in days. I have this terrible tension headache.
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Since you spent more time complaining about the cheating husband, I'm going to hazard a guess that he's the culprit...
 
I suppose actually, what should be asked.

You current marriage, are your married with a pre-nup, ANC, community of property etc?

How much will you financially suffer if you divorce the cheating arsewipe?
 
headache:

90% of the posters on this forum can be bloody children, then you get the rest - ignore the stupid posts and concentrate on the posts where you get proper advice.

However, please don't be like most - you post your problems, we give you advice, then you don't bloody listen anyways.
 
@headache - What/How is your financial situation? Are you working or a den mother?
 
Cray said:
Yourself excepted of course? ;)
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I can also be a douche and say go to the AA, or kick him to the curb on suspicions alone. I can also be a civil human being and give proper advice. I've been down a similar road before, for me it didn't work out and I'm now with someone far better. That doesn't mean that leaving the person you're with is always the only/best option.
 
[XC] Oj101;16082502 said:
You're gonna get crap advice here.
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Goes on to give crap advice :wtf:

Personally I think you must ensure your ex-husband is paying maintenance for the child, it's not really you current husband's decision to make, it's yours. If he doesn't like it, tough.
 
headache said:
about the maintenance, you are right but the fighting is weighing me down. the ex has nothing else to do than to fight me. he has already sent me his income and expenses and from how he has structured it, its clear he is not planning to pay. going to the court to be awarded R500, doesn't seem to be worth it. I guess i am just tired, so tired and this whole thing with my husband is not helping. one fight at a time is one thing but this now is on another level.

I have been trying to convince myself to focus on myself, my child and my job. but its not easy. especially with this headache that doesn't want to go away.
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You're fighting for your child's quality of life. You're not fighting to beat the ex or for your pride or for you. Look at it that way. It should give you fresh energy to see it through. And besides, even R500 a month is something nice for the kid each month, or a nicer birthday present, or a little bit of a better holiday... every little helps when you're raising a child.
 
medicnick83 said:
headache:

90% of the posters on this forum can be bloody children, then you get the rest - ignore the stupid posts and concentrate on the posts where you get proper advice.

However, please don't be like most - you post your problems, we give you advice, then you don't bloody listen anyways.
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Solid advice. There are a lot of ********s on this forum which which everything is a joke to them. Ignore them entirely.

It's what /add ignore is for.

@headache

You sound like you are totally drained and are ready to give up. I would encourage you not to give up. Yes fr the sake of your child, but you are someone too and you also deserve to have a good life. It has been mentioned already, but are you financially able to divorce and go your own way and survive?
 
Sherbang said:
Goes on to give crap advice :wtf:

Personally I think you must ensure your ex-husband is paying maintenance for the child, it's not really you current husband's decision to make, it's yours. If he doesn't like it, tough.
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Yep, the current one is probably saying that so that she is dependent on him and will have to think twice if she ever wants to leave him. Get the maintenance sorted out, then deal with the cheating bastard...
 
ToxicBunny said:
I suppose actually, what should be asked.

You current marriage, are your married with a pre-nup, ANC, community of property etc?

How much will you financially suffer if you divorce the cheating arsewipe?
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pre-nup. I wont suffer at all. we have a tight pre-nup due to his business interests.
 
Rickster said:
Damn it's good to be single...
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I think the OP would be much happier with NO husbands in her life. She's obviously dependent on her current husband for financial support though which is not a good situation to be in as it takes away your power.
 
My only advice to you is; stop playing the victim.

Why are you letting these people walk over you?
 
Sherbang said:
Goes on to give crap advice :wtf:
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What exactly is crap about my advice?

You need to talk to him and/or go for marriage counseling.
This is between them and possibly a professional, not for the internet to judge.

Someone in a happy relationship is unlikely to cheat.
As I explain further down there could really be a legitimate reason for the husband's behaviour.

Child support will benefit the two of you, it won't stop the child from being able to make their own decisions.
She's worried that child support will stop her child from making his or her own decisions later in life, this is not true.

If he's actually bringing home more money he might very well be putting in extra hours, maybe for the very reason that not getting child support is a burden.
Continued for above, there might be a legitimate reason for the husband's behaviour.

He's probably against child support from your ex due to pride, he wants to be the provider without the help of your ex.
Do you know what proud people are like? Breaking a proud person's pride can and will put a lot of strain on a relationship, the last thing she needs right now. Financial stress is one thing, a strained marriage is on a whole different level.

The SMS could've been from someone who went with for the dinner, I don't know the context of the message so it's just a thought.
Yet again a possible explanation for the husband's behaviour.
 
headache said:
pre-nup. I wont suffer at all. we have a tight pre-nup due to his business interests.
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Ok... then depending on how you feel about the whole thing, I would possibly be thinking you should look at solving the most pressing issue in your life which is your husband supposedly cheating on you. Try get confirmation on that, then make that decision from there.

I do tend to think solving one problem at a time will be more beneficial, and solve the one that is causing you the most immediate problems in your life.
 
Rickster said:
Damn it's good to be single...
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It's not really about that bud. Typically people dont just wake up and find themselves in a complete mess.

It's always a series of consecutive bad decisions that leads to something like this. Pretty crap, but its true.
 
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