Love Woes

[HDS]

Thanks, you make the most sense in this thread!! (no offense to the others )

I still think she used you for free food.

 

[Noob-Noob]

It's called NAWALT - Not All Women Are Like That. It's true, as with anything you can't automatically assume that all people of a certain gender will behave the same and there are exceptions, everyone is an individual etc but the fact is, in general most women ARE like that. They like guys that treat them like **** and enjoy drama. People who treat them well are considered "boring". They also enjoy complaining about how terrible their boyfriends/husbands are to all the poor saps they keep around in their friendzone. Constantly bitching about how he forgets her birthday, yells at her, doesn't care, bla bla bla. But they day it stops, she's out of there because "she's not happy" or "the spark is gone lol" or some equally lame excuse.

Surely this mentality fades with age?

 

[Noob-Noob]

I still think she used you for free food.

Sometimes the easiest expectation is the correct one.

 

[Ancalagon]

For women's sake, don't say that! We need gentlemen around the world

But listen, if you being a nice guy or gentleman was an act, then don't try to be it in the future. Be just you!
If it wasn't, I bet you'll get a "Forgive me, I don't know what I was thinking... Give us another chance" sms or call before the end of the week.
I have a husband who gives the "I don't care" look at first sight, gives the impression to be rude (I mean R-U-D-E) when you don't know him! But when you get to know him, he's the complete opposite! Wasn't love at first sight I must admit, but I learned to love him... As for the guy I dated before getting married, he was the perfect gentleman (Expensive date, etc. Everything you described here) but he was such an as***le!!! Sometimes gentleman seems to be just in fairy tell and she was afraid to wake up from her Cinderella fairy tell as TehStranger said.

And here we have a perfect example. You say that you want a gentleman and that Lament should continue being a gentleman.

But look at who you married - you married the not-gentleman!

Society tells women that what they should want is a gentlemen on the one hand, but then also tells women that what they should want is a manly man with a gruff beard who shaves with his knife. Not surprisingly, this is confusing, so you will say one thing when you really want another.

This then leads to men growing up confused. Our mothers tell us to be nice and have good manners, which results in the kind of men that women do not want to date.

 

[TJ99]

Surely this mentality fades with age?

Well, maybe when they are significantly older and men are not that interested anymore. Then desperation forces them to be a lot more rational. But definitely not in their 20's or 30's.

 

[Noob-Noob]

definitely not in their 20's or 30's.

Well siht.

 

[Noob-Noob]

This then leads to men growing up confused. Our mothers tell us to be nice and have good manners, which results in the kind of men that women do not want to date.

So i should stop shaving while being a gentleman, kick a granny, apologies afterwards and offer to carry her groceries
Ag i hate relationships.
The woman that likes me, i dont want. The one's i like, don't want me. We all think fully functional robots looking like people will be developed for war, i recon we might be completely wrong

 

[TJ99]

Well, since Japan is the world leader in robotics, the first humanoid robots will probably come from there. And you KNOW they won't be built for war.

 

[semblance]

And here we have a perfect example. You say that you want a gentleman and that Lament should continue being a gentleman.

But look at who you married - you married the not-gentleman!

Society tells women that what they should want is a gentlemen on the one hand, but then also tells women that what they should want is a manly man with a gruff beard who shaves with his knife. Not surprisingly, this is confusing, so you will say one thing when you really want another.

This then leads to men growing up confused. Our mothers tell us to be nice and have good manners, which results in the kind of men that women do not want to date.

In all fairness Ancalagon, a man can be both. It's not about being a bastard, but about having a purpose outside of pleasing women or other people.

It's about balance. A man needs to act like a man, but at the same time know when to give love and affection. He should be 'toughened' and 'warrior-like' mentally, but have the ability to be soft and kind to those he loves.

This isn't about the physical. He need not have muscles or even good looks, but he needs to stand his ground, know what he wants and be resolute in getting it.

I would sum it up like this:

Bad guy - cheats, lies and is generally an *******. he oozes confidence though, so is mistaken for being a true leader. in reality he's probably between jobs, drinks like a fish and rotates the women in his life. he is number one in his life, always. one sided identity (himself).

Nice guy - is soft and caring, but to an extreme. he will prioritise everyone else before himself. he will go out of his way to please people. sure he's stable, but he is also predictable and boring. he might not have a direction either or will make someone his direction/purpose. one/many sided identity (women/others).

Good guy - acts like a gentleman, carries himself confidently and is no pushover. he is fair and resolute and has goals in his life. he goes out of his way for people that are important to him, because he loves them. he has virtues instilled in him such as loyalty and honor. he may not be buff or pretty, but he doesn't care. he is on his own mission, but still remembers his values and principles in life. many sided identity (himself/others).

 

[SoulTax]

So Lament
A few things to think about.
1) Think carefully about how many times you could have had sex with her. As in any opportunities, even the slim ones where it would have required a little creativity. When a woman like that talks about the SPARK, she means sex. She was most likely waiting to shag you, and you didn't jump her bones. Think about that last night together. Was sex on the cards at all?

She texted you right afterwards, still on the "love" high, which is why all sounded great. Then when she came down from it she started thinking about the implications of you not wanting to shag her. In a woman's mind she start thinking that you don't like her in that way, or that maybe you are not sexual enough for her. Nevermind that you might have been holding your physical passion back and she doesn't quite know that.

2) There is probably about 0.00000001% of women on the planet that would not get chased away by having gifts and dinners showered on them from the word go. Just think about it for a second. If a girl is chasing a guy that hard, he tucks tail and runs, saying "that bitch is crazy man". Why should women be any different?

I still think point 1 is valid in this instance. Point 2 is more of a bit of advice for the future. Tone down the intensity. When courting someone, do the gentlemanly things all the time. Those being opening doors or whatever. But do the sweet things in very small batches. Never send a woman flowers, if the old ones are still around. Most flowers can last a week or so in a vase, then leave a little more time to let them fall from her mind after she threw them out. So 1.5 to 2 weeks is sort of a good gap between sweet gifts like that. If that is your thing.
This includes chocolates and all of that ****.

Using foreplay as a metaphor for dating. You cannot just dive onto the clit from the word go and mash that thing until she cums. It is gonna hurt before it starts to feel good. You need to spend some time dancing between places that feel good and places that drive her crazy. With some tiny breathing room in between to allow a slight bit of anticipation to build.

 

[SoulTax]

One more thing.

You say you didn't have any fights and everything was perfect. But the first sign of a fight and you delete her number and run? If she was that special, surely she warranted a little bit of time and effort to figure out what was causing this change in her feelings towards you? Perhaps it is something tiny and only in her mind? Perhaps it is something you could easily have fixed, like banging her brains out .

I don't know, call me crazy, but if she is that perfect (Baggage not withstanding) then maybe you should at least spend a little effort fighting for her and what you two might have?

I don't know of a single couple on the planet that have never had a disagreement but worked through it. I know plenty of single people that tuck tail and run, under the guise of, "It shouldn't be like this if it was perfect, it should all just fit into place".

 

[Noob-Noob]

So Lament
A few things to think about.
1) Think carefully about how many times you could have had sex with her. As in any opportunities, even the slim ones where it would have required a little creativity. When a woman like that talks about the SPARK, she means sex. She was most likely waiting to shag you, and you didn't jump her bones. Think about that last night together. Was sex on the cards at all?

She texted you right afterwards, still on the "love" high, which is why all sounded great. Then when she came down from it she started thinking about the implications of you not wanting to shag her. In a woman's mind she start thinking that you don't like her in that way, or that maybe you are not sexual enough for her. Nevermind that you might have been holding your physical passion back and she doesn't quite know that.

2) There is probably about 0.00000001% of women on the planet that would not get chased away by having gifts and dinners showered on them from the word go. Just think about it for a second. If a girl is chasing a guy that hard, he tucks tail and runs, saying "that bitch is crazy man". Why should women be any different?

I still think point 1 is valid in this instance. Point 2 is more of a bit of advice for the future. Tone down the intensity. When courting someone, do the gentlemanly things all the time. Those being opening doors or whatever. But do the sweet things in very small batches. Never send a woman flowers, if the old ones are still around. Most flowers can last a week or so in a vase, then leave a little more time to let them fall from her mind after she threw them out. So 1.5 to 2 weeks is sort of a good gap between sweet gifts like that. If that is your thing.
This includes chocolates and all of that ****.

Using foreplay as a metaphor for dating. You cannot just dive onto the clit from the word go and mash that thing until she cums. It is gonna hurt before it starts to feel good. You need to spend some time dancing between places that feel good and places that drive her crazy. With some tiny breathing room in between to allow a slight bit of anticipation to build.

Well, i don't honestly know how many times i could have had sex since i was not thinking about sex for a change, But all woman should know that any guy wont think twice about shagging them, if we don't shag on the first date, or first few weeks, they should take it as a huge compliment and not the other way around, it means we respect them and its our (my) way of showing them.

I get what you are saying about the gifts and dinners, i should have probably slowed down and point well taken for the future reference

 

[Noob-Noob]

One more thing.

You say you didn't have any fights and everything was perfect. But the first sign of a fight and you delete her number and run? If she was that special, surely she warranted a little bit of time and effort to figure out what was causing this change in her feelings towards you? Perhaps it is something tiny and only in her mind? Perhaps it is something you could easily have fixed, like banging her brains out .

I don't know, call me crazy, but if she is that perfect (Baggage not withstanding) then maybe you should at least spend a little effort fighting for her and what you two might have?

I don't know of a single couple on the planet that have never had a disagreement but worked through it. I know plenty of single people that tuck tail and run, under the guise of, "It shouldn't be like this if it was perfect, it should all just fit into place".

Naaa she made it pretty clear, and i don't beg. I deleted her number for my own safety, i knew later on i would have a few things to say, but that would make me the weak one (which apparently i am, but she does not need to know)
If we actually fought about anything else i would have fought the good battle, but telling me i don't it for her??, no ways.

 

[Ancalagon]

In all fairness Ancalagon, a man can be both. It's not about being a bastard, but about having a purpose outside of pleasing women or other people.

It's about balance. A man needs to act like a man, but at the same time know when to give love and affection. He should be 'toughened' and 'warrior-like' mentally, but have the ability to be soft and kind to those he loves.

This isn't about the physical. He need not have muscles or even good looks, but he needs to stand his ground, know what he wants and be resolute in getting it.

I would sum it up like this:

Bad guy - cheats, lies and is generally an *******. he oozes confidence though, so is mistaken for being a true leader. in reality he's probably between jobs, drinks like a fish and rotates the women in his life. he is number one in his life, always. one sided identity (himself).

Nice guy - is soft and caring, but to an extreme. he will prioritise everyone else before himself. he will go out of his way to please people. sure he's stable, but he is also predictable and boring. he might not have a direction either or will make someone his direction/purpose. one/many sided identity (women/others).

Good guy - acts like a gentleman, carries himself confidently and is no pushover. he is fair and resolute and has goals in his life. he goes out of his way for people that are important to him, because he loves them. he has virtues instilled in him such as loyalty and honor. he may not be buff or pretty, but he doesn't care. he is on his own mission, but still remembers his values and principles in life. many sided identity (himself/others).

I wrote a long response, but it disappeared into the Internet somewhere.

Anyway, yes I agree with you on all of those. Nice guys mistake themselves for good guys, which is where the problem starts.

However, I don't think most women are aware of the difference between good guys and bad boys. And, given the choice, they would rather date a bad boy than a nice guy, if a good guy is not available.

To add to that, sometimes even a good guy is still too boring. This is because good guys, by their definition, will have far less drama and issues. They will make the girl feel secure and safe because of their honesty and trustworthiness. They will not play mind games, or lead a girl on a merry chase. Good guys are straightforward and honest - you either like me or you dont - so the idea of mind games is foreign to them.

The woman will know that the good guy will be there for her. With a bad boy, she is not so sure, and that excitement is part of what drives the attraction.

 

[SoulTax]

Well, i don't honestly know how many times i could have had sex since i was not thinking about sex for a change, But all woman should know that any guy wont think twice about shagging them, if we don't shag on the first date, or first few weeks, they should take it as a huge compliment and not the other way around, it means we respect them and its our (my) way of showing them.

I get what you are saying about the gifts and dinners, i should have probably slowed down and point well taken for the future reference

Unfortunately the female mind does not work like that all the time.

Naaa she made it pretty clear, and i don't beg. I deleted her number for my own safety, i knew later on i would have a few things to say, but that would make me the weak one (which apparently i am, but she does not need to know)
If we actually fought about anything else i would have fought the good battle, but telling me i don't it for her??, no ways.

Point taken. I obviously don't know what was said. This last comment about you not doing it for her really leads me to believe that it was about sex.
The sad things is that with all of the intensity going around, you probably would have blown her socks off and all this would have been different right now. Oh well, on to the next one.

 

[Loumina]

And here we have a perfect example. You say that you want a gentleman and that Lament should continue being a gentleman.

Did I just say that?
True, every woman (or should I say girl) wants a gentleman, but I stopped wanting a gentleman after I dated one... I woke up from my Cinderella fairy tell and started looking for a good guy which I found!

Society tells women that what they should want is a gentlemen on the one hand, but then also tells women that what they should want is a manly man with a gruff beard who shaves with his knife. Not surprisingly, this is confusing, so you will say one thing when you really want another.

What does "gentleman" have to do with the physical?

In all fairness Ancalagon, a man can be both. It's not about being a bastard, but about having a purpose outside of pleasing women or other people.

It's about balance. A man needs to act like a man, but at the same time know when to give love and affection. He should be 'toughened' and 'warrior-like' mentally, but have the ability to be soft and kind to those he loves.

This isn't about the physical. He need not have muscles or even good looks, but he needs to stand his ground, know what he wants and be resolute in getting it.

I would sum it up like this:

Bad guy - cheats, lies and is generally an *******. he oozes confidence though, so is mistaken for being a true leader. in reality he's probably between jobs, drinks like a fish and rotates the women in his life. he is number one in his life, always. one sided identity (himself).

Nice guy - is soft and caring, but to an extreme. he will prioritise everyone else before himself. he will go out of his way to please people. sure he's stable, but he is also predictable and boring. he might not have a direction either or will make someone his direction/purpose. one/many sided identity (women/others).

Good guy - acts like a gentleman, carries himself confidently and is no pushover. he is fair and resolute and has goals in his life. he goes out of his way for people that are important to him, because he loves them. he has virtues instilled in him such as loyalty and honor. he may not be buff or pretty, but he doesn't care. he is on his own mission, but still remembers his values and principles in life. many sided identity (himself/others).

Give that man a bell!

 

[Ancalagon]

Did I just say that?
True, every woman (or should I say girl) wants a gentleman, but I stopped wanting a gentleman after I dated one... I woke up from my Cinderella fairy tell and started looking for a good guy which I found!
What does "gentleman" have to do with the physical?

You said that Lament should continue being a gentlemen?

The beard comment was a metaphor for manliness.

 

[Loumina]

You just skipped to first part of your sentence which I'm talking about!

 

[Nocturnity]

But all woman should know that any guy wont think twice about shagging them, if we don't shag on the first date, or first few weeks, they should take it as a huge compliment and not the other way around, it means we respect them and its our (my) way of showing them.

That's you, as a man, trying to think like a woman. Don't.
They don't take it as a compliment. They take it as an insult. Why aren't you trying to shag her? Even if she doesn't want to, you have to try so she feels that you're attracted to her. You didn't mention that you're holding off on sex because you respect her, did you? How should she have known that? Should she smell it?

You have to be direct with your intentions towards women. Don't expect them to "just know". They can't see what's going on in your head. Treat her like a gentleman would treat a lady. Give her little gifts as a show of affection sometimes. But don't think that because you're doing that, she likes you. She has to like you for you, not what you do.

I'm sure it sounds a little harsh, but sometimes we need to hear things for what they are.

 

[TheTwo]

What both of you are saying i understand 100% and i agree with it,
What bothers me is she told me i was the type of guy she was searching for, i told her from the start the type of guy i was, and she was more than happy with it, she said she did not want another bad boy, believe me i don't go out searching for high maintenance woman, she did not ask for anything i did for her, but ooo did she LOVE it.
But yeah the problem here was probably more her than me, i think she was not sure what she wanted. Even though i'm pretty pissed and down, i'm okay, its what the family and friends are going to say that gets me really down, after everything i told them, I'm so embarrassed i even deleted my FB.

The way I see it is that you should definitely NOT change who YOU are to attract a certain type of female
Rather be yourself and be with someone who can appreciate You for YOU

She sounds like the type who needs a constant challenge or gets bored, that is HER issue, not yours
Sure it hurts like a Mofo and will take time but you shouldnt change who you are for anyone

Knew a girl like her once as well and she's still doing what she's doing..

We love you just the waaaaay you are