O/T: Mweb Fibre problem (Shaping??)

[PostmanPot]

And he was super enthusiastic about that. You should ask him to rate the support he received...

Facts are facts.

 

[DJ...]

I should ask Drifter to rate the support he received, and whether he got the answer he was looking for or not.

You already said that he thanked you, so of course you win the gold star for support that day. Clearly it would be daft of him to ask a question and expect that the person who responds knows what they are talking about. It's obvious that expertise and abilities work precisely the way you are implying here: if you respond to a question and someone believes you, that makes you an expert. If they thank you, that's kinda like them marking your qualification exam, and you passed. If that person who happens to be a customer of another ISP and who doesn't frequent this thread to be knowledge-bombed by you frequently, happens not to return to call you a lying twat later, that makes you a professor of packets, with the best and the fastest packets and knowledge about packets, and you should reject everything other people tell you, because you always know better.

So, I guess congratulations are in order then on your tenure-ship. You have professored the best with the packets with the fastest professoring I've ever seen. Clearly you know more about the packets and professoring than anyone, and you are unteachable. Remind me again the basic rules of Mweb queries: if it's not running perfectly, we just deny being able to replicate the problem, right? Then we tell them to not use the thing they claim is not working? And this fixes all problems, right?

 

[PostmanPot]

You already said that he thanked you

Yes, his question was answered promptly. Nice chap and I'm happy that he appreciated the help.

 

[DJ...]

Facts are facts.

And you have the best facts, and happiest packets, and most professory professoring around.

Let's address one of these facts: that you are a liar with no clue what you're doing - let's look on the bright side - look at what you've achieved even without knowledge, a moral compass, and the ability to tell the truth - you'll never need to worry about being wrong, nor absorbing more knowledge, and likelihood is you'll con a rich target one day and maybe even get away with it. It's not all negative...

 

[DJ...]

Yes, his question was answered promptly. Nice chap and I'm happy that he appreciated the help.

Of course. He asked a complex yes or no questions, and you flippen nailed it.

It may have been the wrong answer, but my god you said it with confidence...

 

[PostmanPot]

And you have the best facts, and happiest packets, and most professory professoring around.

Let's address one of these facts: that you are a liar with no clue what you're doing - let's look on the bright side - look at what you've achieved even without knowledge, a moral compass, and the ability to tell the truth - you'll never need to worry about being wrong, nor absorbing more knowledge, and likelihood is you'll con a rich target one day and maybe even get away with it. It's not all negative...

I'm not a liar.

 

[DJ...]

I'm not a liar.

Are you providing value to Mweb users by offering your "support"?

 

[PostmanPot]

Of course. He asked a complex yes or no questions, and you flippen nailed it.

It may have been the wrong answer, but my god you said it with confidence...

I'm just glad to help.

 

[PostmanPot]

Are you providing value to Mweb users by offering your "support"?

Absolutely, and I enjoy it too.

In my opinion PP has only been neutral and very helpful up to now, I haven't seen anything that could further this "agenda" of helping MWEB's reputation on this site.

 

[DJ...]

I'm just glad to help.

I have no doubt that some people believe you have helped them. You are the homeopathy of network support. It doesn't mean you're truly useful, and at the end of the day if you're honest, you're lying to yourself and to them. Because homeopathy is bullschit, as are your networking skills...

 

[PostmanPot]

I have no doubt that some people believe you have helped them. You are the homeopathy of network support. It doesn't mean you're truly useful, and at the end of the day if you're honest, you're lying to yourself and to them. Because homeopathy is bullschit, as are your networking skills...

It's a fact that I've helped them.

 

[DJ...]

It's a fact that I've helped them.

Of course you have. Like I said, you are the homeopath of the network:

Just take actual facts, real experience, knowledge of the situation and client, consume the history of the client for the last 3 months, check open tickets, engage memory of similar incidents, adopt a process of trial and error to pin-point, and involve other team members to work on the problem where need be. Mix together in a large mixing bowl, then chuck out the window, and fill a vial with sugar and saliva, punch a real doctor in the throat, and claim your solution cures AIDS, and that you do this simply to help, because helping is what motivates us, right?

Now wait for a victim to arrive. When he stumbles in eventually, catch him by surprise from behind and and push as hard as you can face-first on to the floor. Check if he's bleeding. If he's not, just use a scalpel or butterfly-knife to slice his face open. Once the wound is all the way open, lift up your bottle of soundingafancylopoyolo 20C and rub it directly into the wounds. While you do this, explain that you are pushing the AIDS cure directly into his blood stream and he should be 100% cured within a month with this fast acting therapy. Charge R10,000 per session.

Now, you would have abused a frail and sick person, slashed their face open, shoved saliva into their fresh wounds, and destroyed their psyche and ability to say no when you charge for round 2 next time because round 1 clearly didn't "take". Blame him, and bring his kids to witness.

Guess what, that guy will thank you so much, he will believe that you have helped him, and he will leak tears of joy, desperation, and gratitude all over you. You have helped him no matter what happens. He either learned a valuable lesson about money and trust, or somehow he is cured by the miracle of the placebo effect. Either way, you are helping, and earning an honest living, and the victim will appreciate you so much he won't be able to hide his emotions when he's around you. When he does this, explain that it dilutes the efficacy of the cure each time he gets emotional.

Always remember, you helped him, no matter what. Because you're a network homeopath...

 

[DJ...]

No I don't.

You must accept your destiny. There will come a day when fate will decide this for you, young Jedi. Choice shall be wretched from your control by the hour-hand of the universe, and you shall proclaim "this is my time!" You must prepare for this eventuality. Now go forth and save people with your magic-vroom-vroom-packets...

People repetitively wanted answers.

Did the people from English just make up this word while we were busy having our pleasant discussion? That's really tyranulus of them...

I did engage. You're lying again.

Then I'd suggest that before you disappoint some girl's father by asking for her hand in marriage, you'd better practice engagements, because you haven't quite nailed it yet...

I was upset that privacy rules were broken. Not at you.

I'm just surprised the leak never made headlines. But if your concern was the privacy rules alone, why didn't you bother to answer my question after you'd packed away your tampons, fixed up your mascara, and dried your eyes? I've been waiting months for answers. I didn't realise that as usual, you were simply being a hero and acting on behalf of what sounds like a mob of disgruntled and angry people waiting for answers they knew only you could get for them, by having the thread re-opened. Your private messages inbox must have flooded the moment the thread was so barbarically closed by someone who felt it had run its course. They probably learned their lesson though, right? They should now double-check with you first before irresponsibly closing threads to avoid angry mobs trashing the place, all because you and the angry mob felt that an off-topic question that had been answered already, had in fact, not been answered to your satisfaction. Now, I didn't personally close that thread, but I extend my apologies in any case. I cannot imagine what you must have gone through knowing a question lay unsatisfactorily answered, with no method by which to have it answered, like perhaps PM or another thread. You did the right thing, naturally. Destroying my Christmas Eve that was supposed to be spent with family and forcing an offering of peace which cost us around R3k was almost certainly the right move. I don't see what other choice you were left with...

I don't sell internet connections, and am not involved with anyone who does.

In that case you don't understand the true value of premium and the wonders it can bring to your life. Selling higher capped accounts...sorry, I mean "uncapped" can change your life. Have you heard of this little company called Mweb and their premium range of products? Yes, they're still capped accounts in transvestite's clothes prancing around singing the Uncapped theme tune. But they now let people use their internet for longer than before. And technically it's not throttled. They simply rate limit per protocol, which is called shaping. Just because they rate limit every single protocol and service doesn't mean it is throttling - it's still shaping, OK. So technically, they never lied, in case anyone in a suit asks you, and especially if the people on MyBroadband ask. Just think about this for a second: you're just minding your own business scrolling through MyBroadband keeping the streets clean from crime and Openweb, when you come across a damsel in distress, crying because she has been throttled and cannot Skype her granny in Toronto. In a single excel hero move, you copy, paste, and ctr-v a spreadsheet straight into her thread, showing her the lifechanging benefits of premium upgrades, which may even extend her gran's life by up to 18 centuries (citation required). She says "forget gran, I can use the internet again for at least another 2 days". And you two watch the romantic his and her porn for 6 straight weeks until her boyfriend returns home from Afghanistan. You, PostmanPot, could be that hero. Let premium be your vehicle, and let Mweb be your hybrid fuel-cell. Think about it - every single slow speed complaint, you walk in there like the hero you are, Shout out "No", paste premium pricing plans, and give the young non-premium mistake a lecture about making the right choices in life, which clearly up until this point, he has not. You are helping him, and he must love you unconditionally for it. Forever. It's in the product rules...

There was nothing for the world to see yesterday. Correct, the intermittent YouTube issue with Chrome was resolved. I acknowledged the issue plenty of times, and told many others about it too. You're just lying more now.

Oh wait a sec. I think I'm starting to understand this now. When you say there are never ever any problems on the Mweb network, you mean to use the definition of the words never and ever that Mweb prefer. Like when they said "We will never ever throttle uncapped accounts" and then sat in the room laughing at the stupid consumers who believed them. You mean you are using that definition? OK, so you mean there are "never ever" any issues on the Mweb network. Is that better?

I know what a liar is. No I'm not.

I keep forgetting about your expert status. Do you need me to thank you before you become an expert, like you explained earlier on? Or has someone thanked you before for lying straight to their face, and therefore we'd just be duplicating efforts? Let me know...

I do know what I'm doing.

Yeah, I also "knew what I was doing" with my Fisher Price plastic cement-mixer as a kid. But that doesn't mean I know what I'm doing when it comes to building foundations for Skyscrapers to this day. You seem to have designed a bridge in your mind between these two points and it's stuck...

I've never purported to be from MWEB. That's just your accusation and another lie.

LOL, yeah I see the funny side to this one now. It's kinda like earlier when you blamed the rape victims....I mean throttle victims for having brought it on themselves. If someone asks a question of the Mweb reps and you respond, and they stupidly assume that you are associated with Mweb, that's just their bloody problem, right? You've never claimed to be from Mweb. Stupid clients, hey?! Pfft. What's next from these morons? Believing Mweb when they call a product uncapped? LOL, as you said earlier, how stupid can they get? They just brought it on themselves. Perhaps we can get the Mweb slogan changed to "You brought this on yourselves" and have someone really threatening with one arm around a young child that is suitably gender neutral to look like your son or daughter. You could probably convince them all to go premium with this marketing strategy...

Nope.

LOL. Now are you sure you don't want to phone a friend about this one? Are you sure it was just that one time and it was just a coincidence that I was made aware of it? It just so happened to be the one time ever in your history of volunteer work where you asked someone for their login details, it just so happened to be a client of mine, I just so happened to be around, and they just so happened to let me know? Yeah, OK. And you are absolutely, 100% sure that at no point since then and bringing it up online where other people could read it, that maybe someone or 2 came forward with admissions about having shared their usernames and passwords with you upon your request so that you could "test their account" for them, and miraculously when you were done, to date you've never found a single problem, ever. Why even bother? There's "never ever" a network issue. Hehehe...

I'm taken to task by the same people who don't like MWEB and myself.

I had no issue with you for many years. Then you began cropping up all over the show and it just seemed like too much of a coincidence. Then of course the comments, and the lies, and the pot-stirring...ag, you know the rest. You were there...

And my English is better than yours.

I checked repetitively and you are correction...

 

[ajules]

Eish.
Not behaviour very becoming of a CEO.You should stop.

 

[Vegeta]

Guys a recap please, whatever is going on here sounds hugely entertaining. But I dont have the time or patience to read through the thread.

 

[DJ...]

Eish.
Not behaviour very becoming of a CEO.You should stop.

Here's why it is becoming:

I can identify him conning you guys from a mile away. You may not be able to, but it's important that it be discussed in the open. I won't back down because he refuses to engage on the actual crux of the matter. This entire discussion turned into an Olympic sarcastathon very quickly because he quite simply refused to engage on matters of actual importance where he knows he has been caught out. Don't fall for this BS.

I'm not here to argue with you. You evidently know best and would rather argue than learn. From the outset of this saga with you and the MWEB-PR-train you could have learned so much, and is the only way I did it. I shutup and I learned from others who I knew had a far superior knowledge to me on the subject.

There are better methods to those you are adopting, and in particular there are tools to use, systems to employ, specific tests for specific symptoms, and proprietary things we for example do on our side when running through diagnostics, all the while the customer will perform the same set of tests so there is consistency and they can prepare and gather data without our micro-management.

If you were only less argumentative and insistent with every single damn post, that you are right and every other person is wrong and has it in for you or Mweb, you could probably end up offering even better service on behalf of Mweb's team and help to resolve issues quicker, while expanding on your own networking knowledge, which if your public posts are anything to go by, are lacking for a support role but on the right track.

View this as constructive because it is how it is intended: you would have a far easier time and learn something along the way if you just calmed down, accepted that you are not always right, and used each engagement as an opportunity to learn rather than an opportunity to punt a brand or shift blame. Whether you intend for your posts to be read like that or not, that is the reality. At some point you have to realise that day-in, day-out people argue with you not because you help Mweb customers or believe that Mweb is great (heck, I read it for months on end without ever responding as it has nothing to do with that specific opinion), it is because you are so intent on being right that you're blinded by reason on this topic and it manifests in marketing nonsense like "Mweb simply doesn't have issues. Ever". Followed a day later by posts from you acknowledging that a persistent issue which had been reported in the thread on numerous occasions and which you appear to have done your damndest to find any excuse other than an Mweb fault, was resolved by Mweb.

You've gone from fanboi to liar - that's too far, even for PR agencies. Nobody is asking you to, or suggesting that you change your opinion about Mweb, nor that you stop helping people. From what I've read I think people tend to agree that their experience is valid and you have zero basis for countering it, as to do so would require you to work for Mweb and have historical data insight. Your experience routing over one IPC point over a particular part of the network in your location, may absolutely be vastly different to what other customers are experiencing routing over completely different Mweb infrastructure from another location, even nearby to your location, depending on which IPC points it routes over and transit routes it takes to get to the pre-set data-centre that hosts the equipment. You will be using different international links to other customers even on the same product, and you have no idea how the shapers are configured and on what contention ratios with what priority settings and on which layer, nor what the business logic is that is coded into the product managers. You have no insight into interconnect capacity, national traffic links, upstream capacity links and quality reports, IPC data, load balancer data, downstream links, port traffic on the core and edge, nor do you have any insight into the DNS configuration and files to see how data should be routing.

The bottom line is that you dismiss just about every report of issues without having the networking skillsets, tools, reporting access, and acumen to know what you're looking for. You claim that other people's experiences could not have been correct due to it not being something that you experienced, when in fact this line of reasoning does not apply as you are not in a position to replicate. You claim that the lack of responses in this thread is indicative of there being no issues but are very quick to say that Johnatan's statements about Crystal Web cannot be trusted because we often direct customers to our official support structures, while knowing full-well that Mweb do the same thing. It should also be pointed out that Mweb related post traffic began to die shortly after they introduced throttling on uncapped and removed the free news server, at which point MyBroadband users who tend to frequent the site began to switch to other ISPs. And even when you appear to be somewhat sincerely providing support on behalf of Mweb, you're giving people the run-around.

People believe that you somehow know what you are talking about and have sufficient networking skills to assist them. You don't. People come here asking Mweb for help and you respond. Of course people believe that you speak on behalf of Mweb and have deeper layers of access than you actually do. You have absolutely zero access to anything on their network, their interconnect partners, their national partners, their backhaul providers, international providers, nor do you have access on a hardware layer into the core and edge. You have access to your DSL account. That's it. So you're really not equipped to provide support of any type to end users and I should point out that if you are asking these people behind the scenes to share their usernames and passwords with you, you have bigger problems. Have you ever asked an Mweb user who asked for support on the forums to share their username and password with you so that you could test on their behalf, like you did with one of our customers? Think carefully about this one.

The bottom line is that you are in no position to argue with anyone's reported experiences as admittedly you have zero insight into the Mweb network and by design of a multi-point IPC carriage network, your experience may very well be completely different to theirs. You are in no position to be purporting to represent Mweb by offering support to people who come here looking for it from the Mweb employees hired to perform this exact function. You are only serving to offer a level of support so poor that they would have to repeat it with an official rep who knows what he/she is doing and has access to the relevant network and hardware stats to offer this support. You're only serving to confuse people, and while they may be appreciative, it's simply because they don't know any better to realise that they've potentially been duped. If I were to give you a test account, you would have just as much access to our network as you do to Mweb's and by your own low standards, would be in a position to start "helping" customers of ours. As someone who knows what is required to offer actual ISP support, I can assure you that you'd be stopped in your tracks the moment it was discovered. Mweb may love that you punt their brand at every opportunity (even slow speed reports) and that you take the work off their shoulders, but if clients understood that they were receiving the equivalent of a plaster when in actual fact they needed chemotherapy, they'd be rather pissed off. In this case you're sending people on their way nonethewiser about the cause of their problems, nor actual resolutions, because you cannot perform such a level of support. All you're able to do is upsell premium accounts to people you don't even know are throttled by Mweb or whether it's the root cause of their problems, by posting your spreadsheet and lecturing them about their poor choices in life.

I cannot understand how in good conscience you have been doing this, and how you could ever claim to have a modicum of ethics and morals knowing full-well the above. Mweb can happily confirm once again that you have no insight into their network and therefore even if you identified a clear oddity, all you have is assumption on your side to assume a conclusion, and are in no position to be suggesting solutions for problems you are admittedly in no position to diagnose. Does this help to clear up why you land up fighting with people so often about this? Does it help to clarify your own confusion that you perpetuate to Mweb clients about why your experiences may be vastly different to theirs? Does it help to explain why posting unfounded claims while purporting to be providing valuable help, is not in the best interests of the Mweb consumer? Are you in any way able to see things now from the other side of the table or will you really try to argue that you are well equipped to provide support to Mweb clients in any form? Even if you disclose no affiliation, the client will have to re-do all tests with Mweb, so you're just wasting people's time for your own ego...

 

[DERoestorf]

Facts are facts.

Ok, Lets get the facts:
My Internet went down, leaving me unable to game, and with slow browsing speeds, and the first thing MWEB did was blame Telkom.
Telkom changed the exchange I connect to, the line to my house. The box by the pole. Still MWEB refused to accept any responsibility for my problem.
MWEBHELP or whatever his name on here also publicly stated that a tech will call me at an appointed hour. This did not happen, and when asked, he goes and states that tech did call the account holder (which is me) and rescheduled or did not get hold of me etc. (this did not happen once). This was complete BS as nobody called me or reschedules with me or anything.
All kinds of reports were pulled, at the request of MWEB techs. Guess what these are? Trace route and speeds tests.
MWEB Provided me with MWEB Test Account.
MWEB never disclosed the information about said test account to me (i.e. Is this the same as my account, a capped account, etc)
MWEB said I should use the test account for an extended period (over the weekend)
Said test account allowed me to game (however performance on it was extremely bad I was happy, I could at least game, after more than a month).
I was told to switch back to my MWEB account.
I was also able to game with numerous test accounts from other ISP's
I could not game again.
I again had to provide the same information I have sent them at least 10 times to them.
At this point I have already given my notice, as I was fed up
The last straw was when MWEB tech phoned me again, to run the same tests I have before, as they believe it to be a Telkom problem.

So, what have I learned. MWEB is liars. MWEB has no idea what they are doing. MWEB will refuse to accept responsibility for their actions. MWEB support knows little more than a peanut on the street.

Now, Postmanpot. Leave me alone. I do not longer care for MWEB or their uselessness. I will continue to educate the people. And I will ignore all comments from a person who does not know what he is talking about, just like MWEB support

 

[DJ...]

Guys a recap please, whatever is going on here sounds hugely entertaining. But I dont have the time or patience to read through the thread.

People direct queries to Mweb and its reps
PostmanPot responds - customer believes he is a rep by extension and simple assumption. His salesman actions all over the forum for Mweb do nothing to avert this reasonable assumption.
PostmanPot, without access to any Mweb network details (as confirmed by Mweb rep and Mweb Support Manager who got involved the last time this flared up), absolves Mweb and using his complete lack of networking skills but superb bullschitting skills, convinces the customer that they have a non-Mweb related issue, without ever actually doing a thing other than lying to them. He at this point has zero idea what the actual issue is and has no ability to actually know. He simply doesn't care.
Customer is nonethewiser and is not in a technical position to question PostmanPot, so laps up every word he says.
You lot have been doing the same thing if you've dealt with him on this forum
You believe that you are receiving timeous support - yes, it has to be quick, lest someone with networking savvy posts before him and he loses the ability to force himself into the trusted adviser role to the nonethewiser client.
Mweb reps come along late to the party and their lapdog has cleaned up the streets already, but they don't realise perhaps that PostmanPot given their customer whatever story he could come up with that could only be accurate using the broken clock is right twice a day rule.

PP claims he is doing nothing more than what other forum members do. That is simply false. He takes it to PM; these people think he works for Mweb; he purports to speak on Mweb's behalf (last night we had some superb examples of this)

Now the lying and the schit support offered to Mweb clients is their problem and ordinarily I wouldn't get involved, however the forever innocent Pot has been doing far more than that behind the scenes.

I had to spend Christmas even dealing with a false thread, and false accusations about Crystal Web, which was established as such very quickly and the thread subsequently closed, only for PostmanPot over here to lobby behind the scenes to have my Christmas Eve destroyed for the sake of pot-stirring. He claims questions remained unanswered, but this is a thread involving false accusations and claims that had been sufficiently refuted. Rather than spend Christmas Eve with family and friends, I sat online dealing with a defamatory, open thread intended to cause us harm, thanks to the Postman. In addition we lost R3k from that particular client who we resorted to forgiving just so I could finally get away briefly to see my uncle out of the door back to the UK.

We find out from fellow forumites that he is requesting their usernames and passwords for their Crystal Web accounts, which is a breach of our terms. He claims for testing purposes, but he could very easily have grabbed one for free from our website.
We identify at least two downright false accusations about our business from him which had to be deleted by moderators to avoid damage to us

And this iceberg has only lifted its peak so long.

So combine this all, and you have a recipe for one night spent, dedicated solely to addressing this lying conman, and who if you allow him to provide you with support, you are accepting that he is in all likelihood either wrong or lying. I initially thought it was plain ineptitude and lack of experience, but even when the problems are pointed out, he insists that there is a conspiracy against him, and he is a perfect little angel and has never done anything wrong. I caught him red-handed lying last night for crying in a bucket. Pants down, glass in the cookie jar, nose growing - nope, he rejects your reality and substitutes his own.

So as sarcastic and silly as it developed towards the end, I remain dead serious, that PostmanPot is a liar, and is in no position to be offering the type of support he is pretending to be in a skilled position to provide. Ask your ISP, or wait for MwebHelper to come and assist. If PostmanPot assists, you will never know if he was accidentally correct; intentionally incorrect; or flat-out lying. Which means you have to do it all over again with MwebHelper later. Save yourself the trouble, and decline his offer if you want actual support and not the equivalent of throwing bones network analysis, which is all he can offer anyone...

 

[ajules]

Here's why it is becoming:

I can identify him conning you guys from a mile away.Don't fall for this BS.

You're missing my point.This isn't about taking sides or believing someone's BS.

The whole matter has degraded into a freak show.I think as CEO you could have dealt with this more professionally.

 

[DTBA]

ROestorf

Did you come right with a other isp or a new one ?