open relationships?

Obviously Blu has a mental block on this. Any debate is useless with people who take absolute stances on issues they are unable to relate to.
 
blunomore said:
And yes, I think someone who goes around being in a RELATIONSHIP and then sleeping around because they are a) not willing to work on their existing relationship to get what they need and b) too comfortable or too scared to leave the relationship, is weak.
Click to expand...

Um, I reckon you're very old-fashioned in this sense. It's not an insult.

And if two parties are happy with an arrangement, then who are you to judge them? On what basis? I reckon you'll find two people in an open relationship are probably far more honest than most in monogamous ones. They've more than likely already been down the path of mutual resolution and found the answer for them both. If an open relationship is only working for one party, it will never work. If it works for both, then what's the problem?
 
DJ... said:
Um, I reckon you're very old-fashioned in this sense. It's not an insult.

And if two parties are happy with an arrangement, then who are you to judge them? On what basis? I reckon you'll find two people in an open relationship are probably far more honest than most in monogamous ones. They've more than likely already been down the path of mutual resolution and found the answer for them both. If an open relationship is only working for one party, it will never work. If it works for both, then what's the problem?
Click to expand...

Do you of any that work? Not for a month, DJ, forever!! I sure don't.
 
Same way you took a stance against people who bother working on their relationships
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You really only read what you want to, don't you?

If you look towards the beginning of this thread you'll see I am one of these people.
 
blu, you're really missing the boat here. Of course you're free to limit yourself to a strictly monogamous existence if you so choose, but you do not by default get to insult, ridicule, pester and belittle those who choose differently. We're not talking about fathering 20-odd kids & costing the country millions here, but about occasional sexual diversion within a relationship. We've already covered that this scenario would work for precious few people, but for those where both parties are in agreement, what on Earth is it to you?

It has nothing to do with weakness. It's a lifestyle choice; nothing more, nothing less.
 
blunomore said:
Do you of any that work? Not for a month, DJ, forever!! I sure don't.
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Yes I do. I have good friends who are in an open relationship - a controlled open relationship. i.e. if they want to sleep around, they need prior approval from each other. They're both bisexual btw which is the major reason...;)
 
Kage said:
I've already learned that you lack the ability to think past your own limited life experiences.
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And what would you know of my life experiences, the relationships I've had and the choices I've made ? Assumptions, assumptions ..................
 
DJ... said:
Yes I do. I have good friends who are in an open relationship - a controlled open relationship. i.e. if they want to sleep around, they need prior approval from each other. They're both bisexual btw which is the major reason...;)
Click to expand...

Ah...that is what I have. I call it a "consenting relationship".
Open relationship does not quite encapsulate the nuances of the relationship.
 
So blu, how long did this guy cheat on you for, hmmm?

Lie down on ze couch...
 
blunomore said:
So you think I am old-fashioned .... yet you're not condemning me. Just insulting me then? :)
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Those "insults" were not aimed at you because you are in a monogamous relationship but rather because of the views you expressed about those who choose the "open relationship" lifestyle. So again, I will repeat, I have not condemned anyone for being in a monogamous relationship.

And yes, I think someone who goes around being in a RELATIONSHIP and then sleeping around because they are a) not willing to work on their existing relationship to get what they need and b) too comfortable or too scared to leave the relationship, is weak.
Click to expand...

I may need to add the word naive into the list of "insults"... there are certain things you cannot get from a partner of many years no matter how much you try to convince me otherwise. Um, and why would you want to leave someone you love? Oh wait, I get it, your naivety dictates that you cannot possibly love someone and have sex with someone else at the same time therefore you assume you'd want to leave the person. You are incapable of separating love and sex. Was it not you who was kind enough to point out earlier that sex can be had on any street corner? Sex does not equal love!
 
blunomore said:
So you think I am old-fashioned .... yet you're not condemning me. Just insulting me then? :)

And yes, I think someone who goes around being in a RELATIONSHIP and then sleeping around because they are a) not willing to work on their existing relationship to get what they need and b) too comfortable or too scared to leave the relationship, is weak.
Click to expand...

I wonder how many relationships you've been in?

People are human. Two people committing themselves to each other does not a smooth ride make. There are other factors to consider. Two people might be happy with exclusivity, they might even be okay with the inevitable sexual lustre of their relationship dying out. Not everyone feels this way. What works for you does not work for other people.

Your holier than thou attitude of, "Zomg u r teh failingz to commit to 1 przon" (pity-me talk necessary in this case) is laughable at best. There is more to a relationship than just sex and making sex the ultimate, "Zomg! End of the world!" factor inevitably demeans the potentially infinite other factors that play a key role in why you love and commit to someone.

Have you ever been in a relationship where you and the other person have never been with anyone else? It leaves a lot to be desired. You're curious about what it would be like and inevitably if only one of you feels that way and you're guilt-tripped about those feelings, it's inevitable that the relationship will go south. Why? Because one person wants something they other can't give them.

A relationship founded on communication, trust and freedom is a real relationship. The moment you try to control another person it's not a relationship any more, it is a joke. If sexual exclusivity is what you found your relationship on (i.e. no threesomes, no sex with someone else you're attracted to, etc) then that is your own prerogative. You can't, however, then say to those who found their relationship on emotional exclusivity are inferior or "r teh nutz commited to 1 przon" because that's not true. That is your own prejudiced perspective on the matter which is, ultimately, wrong.

What's true for you isn't true for other people.

Also, depending on your relationship you or your partner may have had multiple sexual partners before you. Does the fact that you entered his life or that he entered your life in any way change the fact that both of you have already shared that part of you? Nope. Because there's more to a relationship than just sex.
 
blunomore said:
And what would you know of my life experiences, the relationships I've had and the choices I've made ? Assumptions, assumptions ..................
Click to expand...

I assume from you not denying it, that it is true?
What is the problem?
Complaints about your aloof and cold personality?
 
DJ... said:
So blu, how long did this guy cheat on you for, hmmm?

Lie down on ze couch...
Click to expand...

Weak effort. Must be the midday hunger pangs getting to you.

I gotta leave this thread since you boys are turning nasty. Gotta love it - 4 men turning against one female poster. They always say men are braver in packs.

Ciao ;)
 
If two consenting adults want to live their live's this way.. then they must go for it, I personally think that they dont have a really great relationship and a strong bond, they just cant give up other people for their relationship (relationship obvisiously isnt valued.) You might ask well why should they give up other people for their relationship, because i dont think its in the best interests of a relationship to be having sex with other people..? I mean this isnt.. being friends with a member of the opposite sex, and flirting and whatever, you are going out seeking sex? SEX the most intimate thing you can do with someone? Just doing it with whoever you fancy, who ever comes your way? I think its severely messed up.

It also sounds to me like its all about sex with these people.. kind of sad. No emotions.. no engagements with the other people outside of the sex..
People who live like this have obvisiously never been through hard times, never had to be ther efor their partner, and actually experience the real beneifits of a closed relationship. Never had to go through something devastating when you really see what you have in someone else and cherish it even more. Not chatting to yout partner about a rough time they having over coffee while trying think about how you gonna get the waitresses number, or thinking about the girl you seeing tonight and what you going to do to her.

Just please dont have children thats all I say.
 
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